Archive Page 2

18
Feb

I think your God is testing me

This morning I got into the office like I always do.  I sat down, booted up my pc, waited five minutes and realized that it wasn’t going to reward me with my desktop, so I logged out and logged in again.  It was at this point that I realized my newly purchased Carmex was still in the car.

As I was doing that, I remembered that some Security Updates from Microsoft had been downloaded yesterday at noon (Thanks guys that plan that stuff).  I remembered because, as soon as the download finishes, Windows prompts you to reboot every ten minutes until you do.

But I don’t like shutting everything down and rebooting in the middle of the day.  It takes a good 15 to 20 minutes.  So instead I clicked the "Reboot Later" button exactly 31 times before I left for the day.

Anyway, after I rebooted I logged in and, since it was gonna take 15 minutes to get logged in completely, I grabbed my keys and headed out to retrieve my beloved Carmex.

When the elevator got to the lobby and the door opened, I started walking out into said lobby.

At the same time, the building’s day porter and some woman with a briefcase on wheels both decided to enter the elevator at the same time.  SHOULDER TO SHOULDER!! Before I could get out!

This was a first for me.  I’d never been menage a blocked in the elevator.  My initial instinct was to kick one of them in the shins.  However, the day porter knows me and she might replace the toilet seat covers with tiny punji sticks which would make my day unpleasant.

And the woman, well she might have been from the G iant S nowball K ompany and I think kicking someone from there might lead to me being classified as no longer "in good standing" and thus voiding certain compensation I am awaiting.

And thirdly, the thought of kicking them both in the shins simultaneously seemed appealing, but ultimately made me think I’d look like a midget trying to kick himself in the head .

11
Feb

Oh mother fucker…

I thought of many different titles for this post, but ultimately this one stuck.  Don’t like it?  Pfffft.

Oh, and a note here.  In an effort to be honest with you and myself, I have been thinking pretty deeply about why I don’t write like I used to write.

It turns out, the more stress and /or duress I’m under in my personal and / or professional life, the less my brain works towards coming up with asinine things to pretend to be mad about or amused by or to really be mad about or amused by.  (I know that sentence sucked.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to fix it.  Want it done better?  Talk to a Lit Graduate like LAB).

Suffice it to say that all of that changed last night while accidentally watching our pathetic local news .

If you didn’t click the link or read the story, here it is in a nutshell.

The Asian community (translation:  two angry Jesse Jackson-like neighborhood activists and race pimps) are upset because MARTA, our local pathetic rapid transit system, shows on its maps that the line that runs through Doraville and Chamblee is colored yellow and referred to in the recorded announcements as "The Yellow Line."

Yellow Line

Never mind that the yellow line runs from Doraville to the airport south of town.  Never mind that the yellow line runs thru the blackest of black neighborhoods in our inner-city.  This is obviously a not so subtle example of MARTA officials being racist.  (He says yelling unintelligibly into a megaphone with five people standing behind him with pathetically spelled, hand-scrawled signs).

Let me say this to the "activists" out there.

Settle the fuck down.  Settle down and work on solving an actual problem instead of burning calories on shit like this.

"But FRT," you are saying to yourself.  "This is an obvious case of racism."

Not so fast.  Here’s a little history lesson.

MARTA’s rail system is horrid.  We’ve laughed at it for over 30 years.  It’s the most inconvenient transit system to use in the developed world.  That said, it’s laughably simple.  Here’s the deal.

MARTA (Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority or, as suburban folks used to call it, Moving Africans Rapidly Through Atlanta) has a logo.  And colors.  They’ve been here since forever.  Here it is:

MARTA Logo

You may notice that the colors in the logo are orange, yellow and blue.

When the rail system came into existence, there were two lines:  yellow and blue.  Yellow went north and south and blue went east to west.  Orange was left out, I assume, because it was very close to orange and stupid people would get confused and / or lost.

As the system laughably "expanded", including a split on the north end and the west end, new lines were added to the map.  They were green and red.  Again, orange was left out to avoid confusion.

Here’s the map as it stands today.

Further, the yellow and blue lines were setup MANY years ago.  I was in 6th grade or so in 1979 when they opened.  In the time since then, the communities of Doraville and especially Chamblee (or as it’s referred to now: Chambodia) have become the main areas where the Asians in this area choose to live.  It’s not really any different than Korea Town in LA or Little Italy in New York, except it’s just strip malls with nail salons and restaurants with signs I can’t read.

This is an example of the opposite of racism.  If these folks were so offended, why didn’t they start gathering on the blue or green lines?

Further, I haven’t heard any Irish people bitching about the Green Line.  And another question for me is why did the pussies at 11alive choose to post the MARTA map including ONLY the yellow line in its color and not the others?

Because that would have taken all the wind out of the reverse racists’ sails.  If you watched the news and saw a map with five different colored lines, you’d call this whole story bullshit.  And news people can’t fill thirty minutes with overt and obvious bullshit.  Unless you’re cable news.

And another thing.  It’s not like they referred to the North end of the yellow line as the slant line or the bad driver line or the good at math line.  It’s a color.  Shut the fuck up.

Yet another point not in your favor is WHY they use colors to mark the particular lines and routes.  It wasn’t to be racist.  It’s because so many people that use MARTA either can’t read English or can’t fucking read at all.  Do you think if they referred to the yellow line as the Ponce De Leon line and the blue line as the Magellan line things would be better?  Would the French and Spanish be offended?

My point is, it’s pathetic to think that the naming of the MARTA lines was subtly or overtly racist.  Primary colors were used, much like they are in other cities around the world.

You don’t have to look too hard to find racism in Atlanta, or any city for that matter, but going to these lengths to find it indicate that these Community Organizers (rabble-rousing douchebags) just wanted an entity with a perceived fat wallet to hit.

The good news is that the group has a solution.

"Do they want MARTA to change the name and color of the line?"

Nope.

They’ve suggested a sticker.  One that goes over every sticker and sign that says YELLOW.  Guess what it says?

GOLD.

That’s right peeps.  This horrifically painful example of gratuitous racism can be solved by calling yellow gold.

Sweet jesus.

I’ve got news for you jackasses.  MARTA has no wallet.  The people that run MARTA are as dumb and blind as the government, and that’s mostly because the local governments are HEAVILY involved in the operation of MARTA.  They suck at what they do worse than the post office.  And you "activists" are the MARTA of the Civil Rights "movement."

Sincerely,
FRT

02
Feb

And if you didn’t enjoy the last one…

Here are a couple of amusing youtube links that are floating around that slay me.

This first one is President Lyndon Johnson talking with one of the Haggar brothers ordering some slacks .  It gets awesome around the 3:30 mark.  Can you imagine if our presidents these days made calls like this?  It’d be a better world I think.

The next one comes from a seemingly harmless public service announcement from the early 80’s I think.  It also spotlights the moment that Henry "The Fonz" Winkler’s career exploded in a ball of uncomfortable lingo.

Enjoy.

FRT

02
Feb

Standing up for a minute?

Yep.  I am.

I was listening to The Regular Guys podcast this morning from yesterday’s show and was reminded of this story which, in turn, reminded me of another story.

(R) Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah has a bug up his ass about the Bowl Championship Series and how it may somehow violate anti-trust laws. The President has said on more than one occasion that he’s in favor of a playoff in college football.

Other members of congress have for years inquired about the validity of Major League Baseball’s anti-trust exemption.

If you don’t know what anti-trust laws are or what they mean or how they work, here’s a simple explanation.

We interrupt this blog to deliver this important message:

WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT ANTI-TRUST EXEMPTIONS, ANTI-TRUST LAWS AND PLAYOFFS?

Well, I care about the playoff part, but I don’t think there is a single member of the House or Senate that should burn one single calorie worrying about college football or steroids in baseball or any of that other shit.

Why?

Because our nation is on the brink of collapse.  It’s debt is now estimated at 15 Trillion Dollars, which is almost TWO BILLION DOLLARS MORE than the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of said country.

That’s right.  At a time when we are about to slide as a nation to number two, three or worse on the planet from our role as Big Man On Campus and we are spiraling headlong and at light speed into the financial abyss, we have public servants and elected congressmen and congresswomen worrying about whether it’s fair for the NCAA to control how their championship works and whether MLB’s union is legal.

Really?  And for this these assholes get lifetime benefits for free, amnesty from 99.9% of their douchebaggy behavior?

I want to go to sleep at night knowing that the people on The Hill are burning the midnight oil trying to find a solution to our economic woes that doesn’t involve raising taxes, crushing small business and artificially propping up the economy by printing more worthless money.

Many of these folks have been in office for years, which means they lived thru the salad days of the Dot Com boom and all of the spoils that went with that.  They didn’t have to work too hard then and make tough decisions, but they do now.

In closing, I’d like to say to Mr. Hatch that my fellow citizens and I would appreciate it if he and his colleagues would spend a little less time worrying about why Utah keeps getting snubbed by the BCS (cough cough crappy conference and weak out of conference schedule) and a little more time trying to prevent the second depression in this nation’s short history.

Sincerely,

FRT

27
Jan

I have been complaining over the last four or five months about writer’s block.

Then today, I heard a writer / podcaster that I enjoy say he had writer’s block.  When asked by the person he was interviewing what caused it, he said:

"Writer’s block comes from not writing every day."

So there you go. The answer to my writer’s block is writing every day.  Only not being able to write is what writer’s block is.

So I guess the point is that I need to make a point to sit down and write something every day, even if it’s horrible or not interesting.  (As if I could possibly do that). That, dear readers, is what I plan to do.  I may not post every day, but I plan to really try to write every day.  Maybe I need a suggestion box where my readers (LAB and Hoss and Madsapper are the only ones I know of ) give me ideas.  Just a topic or story or something and I can write about it.

So that’s it. Oh, and I plan to reduce my beginning sentences with the word "So" by at least 20 percent this year.

My gift to you.

Mazel tov.





 

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