http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com Go ahead. Make fun of him. He'll never even know. Sun, 05 Jul 2009 01:44:00 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en It's gotten to where I hate holidays. I like days off, but when you call it a holiday, it inevitably sucks for me and others. There's no reason I should be laying in bed at 9:30pm blogging with my Blackberry on the penultimate night of my birthnakah weekend, yet ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/07/04/two-words-blech/ It's truly amazing how flexible you can be when posting simply by clicking that EDIT button next to the Publish immediately. I am prepping nine slabs of babyback ribs to go with all of the side dishes and appetizers everyone's bringing. I predict that the ribs will be good and well ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/07/03/using-the-time-machine-again/ Tomorrow's my birthday. There's planning and cooking to do. I will have something tomorrow. Eff you Cashion. FRT http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/07/02/nothing-2/ Today was an uneventful day. I didn't get my balls wet whilst taking a dump. No kids brained me with the popcorn roller thingy. I didn't shart in the car on the way to work. No one cut me off at a drive thru. Charter didn't fuck up and kill my internet for the day. I ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/07/01/not-much-to-add-today/ Seriously?  When is this ridiculousness gonna stop? A US governor disappears, WITH NO TRANSFER OF POWER IN PLACE, to go to South America to screw the girlfriend that isn't his wife, and I have to hear about it being a "love story," and yet he's "working on falling back in love ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/06/30/can-i-stand-up-again/ As you my readers may be aware, I am not fond of the public restroom.  At least for doing work whilst sitting.  As a matter of fact, I can't do it. Like in a restaurant or gas station or an airport. Will.  Not.  Do.  It. I have trained myself to be able ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/06/29/two-guys-are-peeing-off-the-golden-gate-bridge/ Today, thanks to snarking by my interweb friend Avitable, I spent all of 11 seconds adding the "subscribe to comments" plugin to my blog.  That allows the four of you that do comment to get notified when someone else craps on me.  Should be good times. If any of you have ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/06/28/random-thoughts-2/ Remember all of those retarded superstitions you had in high school, college or even today?  When I looked up and saw it was 11:11pm, I realized two things: A) I hadn't blogged today, and 2) This would make for a pretty easy entry.  (That's what she said). Here are the ones I remember ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/06/27/omg-its-1111pm/ So yesterday two celebrities died. One was hot and responsible for the greatest poster a teenage boy could ever have.  And she never did anything hideous. The other was a pedophile that changed pop music and wanted to be in every teenage boy's room. Guess who the retarded networks are focusing 59 minutes ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/06/26/stunned-shocked-baffled/ I was all set to be funny and / or witty and / or deep or whatever today, and then fate stepped in and threw me a hanging curve. Michael Jackson is dead. And do you know what I say to that? Good. Was he talented? Of couse. Did he change pop ... http://www.FunctionallyReTodded.com/2009/06/25/you-know-what-they-say-about-the-best-laid-plans-2/