Archive for the 'Now I'm standing up' Category

11
Feb

Oh mother fucker…

I thought of many different titles for this post, but ultimately this one stuck.  Don’t like it?  Pfffft.

Oh, and a note here.  In an effort to be honest with you and myself, I have been thinking pretty deeply about why I don’t write like I used to write.

It turns out, the more stress and /or duress I’m under in my personal and / or professional life, the less my brain works towards coming up with asinine things to pretend to be mad about or amused by or to really be mad about or amused by.  (I know that sentence sucked.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to fix it.  Want it done better?  Talk to a Lit Graduate like LAB).

Suffice it to say that all of that changed last night while accidentally watching our pathetic local news .

If you didn’t click the link or read the story, here it is in a nutshell.

The Asian community (translation:  two angry Jesse Jackson-like neighborhood activists and race pimps) are upset because MARTA, our local pathetic rapid transit system, shows on its maps that the line that runs through Doraville and Chamblee is colored yellow and referred to in the recorded announcements as "The Yellow Line."

Yellow Line

Never mind that the yellow line runs from Doraville to the airport south of town.  Never mind that the yellow line runs thru the blackest of black neighborhoods in our inner-city.  This is obviously a not so subtle example of MARTA officials being racist.  (He says yelling unintelligibly into a megaphone with five people standing behind him with pathetically spelled, hand-scrawled signs).

Let me say this to the "activists" out there.

Settle the fuck down.  Settle down and work on solving an actual problem instead of burning calories on shit like this.

"But FRT," you are saying to yourself.  "This is an obvious case of racism."

Not so fast.  Here’s a little history lesson.

MARTA’s rail system is horrid.  We’ve laughed at it for over 30 years.  It’s the most inconvenient transit system to use in the developed world.  That said, it’s laughably simple.  Here’s the deal.

MARTA (Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority or, as suburban folks used to call it, Moving Africans Rapidly Through Atlanta) has a logo.  And colors.  They’ve been here since forever.  Here it is:

MARTA Logo

You may notice that the colors in the logo are orange, yellow and blue.

When the rail system came into existence, there were two lines:  yellow and blue.  Yellow went north and south and blue went east to west.  Orange was left out, I assume, because it was very close to orange and stupid people would get confused and / or lost.

As the system laughably "expanded", including a split on the north end and the west end, new lines were added to the map.  They were green and red.  Again, orange was left out to avoid confusion.

Here’s the map as it stands today.

Further, the yellow and blue lines were setup MANY years ago.  I was in 6th grade or so in 1979 when they opened.  In the time since then, the communities of Doraville and especially Chamblee (or as it’s referred to now: Chambodia) have become the main areas where the Asians in this area choose to live.  It’s not really any different than Korea Town in LA or Little Italy in New York, except it’s just strip malls with nail salons and restaurants with signs I can’t read.

This is an example of the opposite of racism.  If these folks were so offended, why didn’t they start gathering on the blue or green lines?

Further, I haven’t heard any Irish people bitching about the Green Line.  And another question for me is why did the pussies at 11alive choose to post the MARTA map including ONLY the yellow line in its color and not the others?

Because that would have taken all the wind out of the reverse racists’ sails.  If you watched the news and saw a map with five different colored lines, you’d call this whole story bullshit.  And news people can’t fill thirty minutes with overt and obvious bullshit.  Unless you’re cable news.

And another thing.  It’s not like they referred to the North end of the yellow line as the slant line or the bad driver line or the good at math line.  It’s a color.  Shut the fuck up.

Yet another point not in your favor is WHY they use colors to mark the particular lines and routes.  It wasn’t to be racist.  It’s because so many people that use MARTA either can’t read English or can’t fucking read at all.  Do you think if they referred to the yellow line as the Ponce De Leon line and the blue line as the Magellan line things would be better?  Would the French and Spanish be offended?

My point is, it’s pathetic to think that the naming of the MARTA lines was subtly or overtly racist.  Primary colors were used, much like they are in other cities around the world.

You don’t have to look too hard to find racism in Atlanta, or any city for that matter, but going to these lengths to find it indicate that these Community Organizers (rabble-rousing douchebags) just wanted an entity with a perceived fat wallet to hit.

The good news is that the group has a solution.

"Do they want MARTA to change the name and color of the line?"

Nope.

They’ve suggested a sticker.  One that goes over every sticker and sign that says YELLOW.  Guess what it says?

GOLD.

That’s right peeps.  This horrifically painful example of gratuitous racism can be solved by calling yellow gold.

Sweet jesus.

I’ve got news for you jackasses.  MARTA has no wallet.  The people that run MARTA are as dumb and blind as the government, and that’s mostly because the local governments are HEAVILY involved in the operation of MARTA.  They suck at what they do worse than the post office.  And you "activists" are the MARTA of the Civil Rights "movement."

Sincerely,
FRT

21
Jan

Today’s example of GAAAAAAAH!!!

As you all may or may not know, I like food.

(I shall now pause while you pick yourself AND your jaws off the floor).

I like all kinds of food.  Barring 92.7% of the world’s vegetables, I love all kinds of foods.  But my favorite favorite favorite foods are breakfast foods and specifically, fast food breakfast foods.

I love biscuits, gravy, hash browns, egg mcmuffins, chicken biscuits, sausage biscuits, etc.  If you combine poultry or pork with a cheese / egg / gravy combination and throw a fried potato item in too, you’ve got me.  Further, I am not capable of limiting my order when I get to the window / speaker / clown’s mouth.  I always order too much.

So you can only imagine how excited I’ve been these last months where every fast food joint except one (EFF EWE Chick Fil A) has a dollar menu.  I pull up, dig thru the console of my truck (or one of the kids’ piggy banks) and order a couple of items.  It’s cheap, it’s cheesy and it’s breakfasty.  YAY!

The other thing fast food joints have done is start marketing two-fers.  Much like FM radio stations in the 80’s had "Twofer Tuesdays," the fast food places now have them too.  Like Hardee’s has the "2 Sausage and egg biscuits for $2.22" and Mcdonald’s has the "2 Egg McMuffins for $2.50" or "2 Sausage McMuffins for $2.50" deals.  I’m incapable of driving by, especially if I’ve stolen helped my self to some change out of that bowl on top of the dryer.

But last week, the McDonald’s near me stopped the "2  for $2.50" thing and started a "sausage mcmuffin meal for $2.49" thing.  That’s also a winner for me since the bucket of unsweet tea is a buck and I get my caffeine and a cup to use for the day to boot.

So I pull up to the window and, as always, confirm the special.  I say "Do you still have the sausage mcmuffin meal for $2.49 available?"

After a brief pause, I got a barely awake "Ummm…I don’t know."

Me:  Silence, then "Can you ask?"

Mensa Member:  "Um…I’m not sure."

Now, it’s not like I asked if I could get soy milk or if the meal was kosher.  I asked him to confirm the ONE GOD DAMNED BREAKFAST SPECIAL THAT HIS STORE WAS CURRENTLY ADVERTISING!!!"

So I shrug, say fine, and order the number one (egg mcmuffin, hash brown and drink) with an unsweet tea and he replies "what size drink?"

Jesus.  The picture on the menu says WITH A LARGE TEA! I didn’t say SuperSize.  I literally ordered the number one.  I’m sure the cash register button for that meal is just a big fucking number one.  Leave it for Carmelita at the pick up door to work out the drink math, jackass.  Just push the button to the left of the backwards letter S (a.k.a. the fucking two) and let’s move on with it.

I pulled up to the window, was greeted by one of non-credited cast members from near the end of the movie "Awakenings," and paid the not correct price for my advertised meal he couldn’t find out about and moved ahead, because I was late.

I got my drink (lifted the lid and tested it because I don’t trust Mr. Lipton himself to get my fucking tea order correct), took my bag o’ food and left.

As I got on the highway (while talking on the phone, texting and doing my makeup) I reached into the bag for my hashbrown, which ALWAYS gets eaten first.  Potato products are on life support once you hit a public thoroughfare.

Wait a minute.  Where’s the hashbrown?  Isn’t it in here?

I look in, and there are two sandwhiches.  And no hash browns.

And the sandwiches are BOTH sausage mcmuffins, neither of which come with the god damned number one that I ordered based on the fucking picture on the menu for retards!!

To sum up, Instead of the special I wanted (sausage mcmuffin, hash brown, large unsweet tea) or the number one that I ordered (egg mcmuffin, hash browns, large unsweet tea), I got a large unsweet tea and two dollar menu items for about $4.70 that, if I’d just ordered a la cart, would have been three fucking dollars and eighteen god damned cents!!

AND I DIDN’T GET MY HASH BROWN!!

So the next time someone bitches about why they are working at McDonald’s or, more likely, bitching about how they’re unemployed (and thus NOT working at McDonald’s), the answer is simple.

You.  Are.  A.  Complete.  Idiot.

The fact is, if your day finds you punching pictures on a cash register while wearing an over-sized headset and a hair net, you don’t have a job.  You are in daycare or prison.

Enjoy your snack time and sippy cup and try not to shit yourself, you geniuses.

12
Jan

I decided to stand up today

I was sitting at my desk, eating popcorn and remembering fondly my imaginary romance with Tiffany Thiessen when she joined the cast of Beverly Hills 90210 when a news story popped up on my iPhone.

The headline said "Texas School Board keeps Ban on Boy’s Long Hair."

I thought that sounded pretty dumb, but then I read the story .

It seems that FOUR YEAR OLD Taylor Pugh has been sitting in pre-school in-house suspension since November.

Why?

Because the school district has a strict policy about grooming in general and hair length specifically.  His parents say they’ll put it in a ponytail but they won’t braid it as the school has asked / demanded.  So as long as Taylor isn’t in compliance with the rule about hair length, he can’t participate in class and sits in the library.

According to the school system’s website, the district says its code is in place because "students who dress and groom themselves neatly, and in an acceptable and appropriate manner, are more likely to become constructive members of the society in which we live."

You may or may not agree with that statement.  And that’s fine.  We could sit here and argue all day about this family’s rights or the kid’s rights regarding his hair and maybe the constitution and how this is a slippery slope and pretty soon kids will be Nazis or the school will be filled with teachers and administrators that are Nazis.  Or aliens.

The bottom line here is that you’ve got parents with a four year old boy teaching him that it’s okay to break rules, even stupid ones or ones with which they don’t agree.  They’re also teaching him that they are in favor of him not participating or being willing to compromise. They are teaching him that society’s rules don’t matter if they don’t go along with what you want.

Hey Pugh family.  If you don’t like the school system’s rules, you do have options.  You could:

-home school your kids, although I have a feeling that wouldn’t go very well.

-You could move to an area with a more lenient policy on hair length.

- Or, (and this one’s crazy), you could just stop being assholes and cut your kid’s fucking hair!! He’s four god damned years old.  Do you really think it’s benefiting him to NOT be in class with his peers?  Will this better him in any way in the years to come?  Is your need to rebel so strong that you’re willing to risk your son being an outcast at this young age?

Now before you call me the jackbooted thug, know this.

I’m not against long hair.  I had long hair.  I like long hair.  I had long hair after I left for college.  When I was (allegedly) an adult.  Which is fine.

But this kid is in fucking PRE-KINDERGARTEN.  He goes for two and a half hours a day.  And he’s sitting in the library wondering why he can’t be with his friends and in class drawing and eating paste like everyone else.

He’s four.  He doesn’t give a shit about his hair.  Shave his head, give him a mohawk, a flock of seagulls or a Mr. T and he’s not going to care.

I’m troubled in this day and age about how parents interact with the schools and the teachers and other people of authority.  When we were kids, parents ALWAYS sided with the teachers/administrators/other adults.  We might not have agreed with that, but I truly believe that it helped teach us how we were supposed to act and that we were expected to work within a set of rules.

Now, parents blame the schools and the teachers and other adults and NEVER their kids.  It’s always someone else’s fault, but never their precious little Johnnys and Suzies.

But we all know that’s bullshit.  This just teaches the kids to keep pushing the envelope because they’ll never be held fully responsible for their actions.  Mommy and Daddy will always come to their rescue.

Except that’s not how the real world works.  Any decisions we make about appearance, education and actions affect what happens to us.

Wanna be a CIO someday?  That tattoo of a vagina on your neck probably isn’t gonna help.

Wanna be a fundraiser for some charity?  Probably not happening if you have blue hair down to your ass and a dinner plate in your lip.

But in this case, Taylor’s been blessed with parents that are fucking idiots.  I feel confident that we can look down the road into the future and see Taylor joining the rest of his family in having heard this all to familiar request:

"Would the defendant please rise?"

14
Aug

Thank you people in the news. Thank you.

Happy Friday peeps!  It’s great to be alive when we are all surrounded by idiots and morons.

First up is a young ne’er-do-well from Sean Roberts of Riverview, Florida.

It seems that this misguided youth was apprehended and charged with robbing a house of some electronics and drugs and stuff.

How in the world would he be located so quickly given the number of misguided youths burgling houses in Florida?

Apparently it was fairly easy to find Mr. Roberts, given that he had a couple of readily recognizable tattoos.

One tat on his head or neck said "Crazy Cracker."  The other unique tattoo can be seen below:

How sweet

That’s right.  He has the state of Florida tattooed on his face.

p.s. I know a student at Georgia Southern who came fairly close to making a similar mistake.  Not the burgling part but the horrible state-related tattoo part.

Second on today’s list is a woman I spoke of a few days ago .

Well, it seems another hardship has befallen (or befelled or something) Ms. Drummond and her fucking baseball team of kids.

Apparently eBay has removed each of the three auctions Mrs. Drummond had set up to auction off the naming rights of her next kitten along with auctioning off her soul.

Ms. Drummond says she lost nearly $15,000 when the website removed her auctions.

The first auction was taken down and she was notified by email that "sellers are not permitted to solicit donations.’  It is this auction that Arnold Drummond claims received a bid of $15,000.

Undeterred, Mrs. Garrett posted another auction the following day only to see it removed again.  This time, the reason sent to her explained eBay’s policy of prohibiting auctions that promote "iveaways, lotteries, sweepstakes, random drawing, raffles, contests or prizes."

Then Kimberly Drummond posted a thirdd auction on August 10th which received a bid of a little over $510, but it was removed because an actual item was not offered for sale.

A beleaguered and gestationally superior Drummond went on to say:

"I am super disappointed." I have bills mounting, my car broke down yesterday. And being disappointed took a lot of wind out of me, a lot of energy out of me."

She added that her "children were so crushed" and that they "were really counting on some type of resolution.  I was just praying for a miracle."

Willis Drummond said the idea "just came to her" while thinking of ways out of her financial funk.

"When I saw [the first auction] pulled, I knew it wasn’t going to do that again the next time," Drummond said. "The sensation had died down. When they pulled that, it was like my last hope. I was really hurt, mainly because I felt like I failed ."

Yes.  you failed.  As a mother.  A person.  You even failed at being a carbon-based life form.

Drummond, who has not contacted an attorney due to cost concerns, said she’ll honor any name the top bidder chooses and will consider allowing that individual supervised visits with her child.

Her ad content stated, and I quote:

"You can name him after a loved one, a departed one, or anny grate [sic] boy name!  I am really looking to get around 20-25 thousand for a new car that fit my BIG family."

Not that you’d want to use any potential money received on some book learnin’ for the barn-full of government children you’ve deposited on this ball of dirt.  No.  It’s a new car and probably a big Tee-vee.

Seriously, this country is on the brink on many fronts.  Our Government is finding new and creative ways to steal from productive citizens as well as screwing with health care, but the government can’t find time to stop this woman from breeding, take her children or just shoot them all into the fucking sun?

You wanna talk about cutting government spending?  Lets stack a bunch of these morons in a bus and drive it head-long into an active volcano.  Jesus Christ.  eBay?  You prayed for an idea and you got eBay?  Wasn’t pulling stunts like selling face tattoos and baby names popular in about 1997?  Are you also searching for pictures of Anna Kournikova and checking the site that is counting down the days until the Olsen twins turn eighteen?

Oh, and her closing line is great.

"I’m ready to have the baby.  I’m still praying that someone out there will take mercy and make a huge difference for my family."

Mercy?  Mercy?  How about one or three of your kids that are old enough getting jobs?  How about you telling your husband to pull out or just yank it in the shower?  Maybe you invest in some, hmmm, BIRTH CONTROL THAT’S FREE FROM THE COUNTY YOU LIVE IN?

While you’re praying for someone like Ed McMahon to knock on your door with balloons and a big fucking novelty check you dumb shit, why don’t you look up the very common phrase credited to Ben Franklin and his Poor Richard’s Almanac of 1757:

God helps those that help themselves.

18
Jun

Free at last! Free at last!!

From writer’s block, that is.  At least for now.

I think it’s called Serendipity, but I love those days where I’m watching five minutes of news before I leave for work and a story comes on and I know instantly that it is the topic for that day’s post.

And that’s just what happened this morning.

A story hit the news about an interview President Obama gave with NBC.  Said interview included a fly buzzing around until finally, after several swattings, the president put the smack down and killed the fly.

(I’d like to let it be known that I refuse to watch these fluffy bunny puff piece interviews with any president or any other politician).

This morning, this story hit the web.

The two parts I enjoyed / loathed were:

"We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals," PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said Wednesday. "We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."

and

Friedrich said that PETA was pleased with Obama’s voting record in the Senate on behalf of animal rights and noted that he has been outspoken against animal abuses.

Still, "swatting a fly on TV indicates he’s not perfect," Friedrich said, "and we’re happy to say that we wish he hadn’t."

(disclaimer:  I am not in favor of the needless harming of animals, like that asshole in Florida that killed 18 cats recently.   The state could save a lot of time, money and pain by gassing that shit-head now before he becomes Jeffrey Dahmer Jr).

NOT making the news this morning was the plea deal reached between prosecutors and Cleveland Browns WR Donte` Stallworth.

You see, back in March, Donte` was in Miami driving drunk and speeding in his Bentley when he struck and killed a pedestrian.

In addition to an undisclosed settlement with the victim’s family to avoid a civil case, Stallworth lost his driver’s license for life (LOL) and received a sentence of 30 days in jail for manslaughter while driving drunk.  He’ll be required to serve 24 days.

Meanwhile, Michael Vick has lost over 100 million dollars, 2 years in a federal penitentiary and will be a social pariah for life.  Oh, and he’ll have to beg commissioner Roger Gooddell on bended knee (and probably with Roger’s dick in his mouth) for the right to play in the NFL again.

How is that justice?

I’m not defending what Vick and his associates did because it’s deplorable.  But we now have a second example of an NFL player driving drunk and hitting and killing a human being.  Donte`(and Leonard Little before him) both committed the same crime, a human died, and I don’t think they missed an NFL paycheck.  (My Auburn roots think it’s not a coincidence that these two shitasses went to Tennessee, but I digress).

And my question is, where is the People for the Ethical Treatment of People protest being held to shame the Browns and the NFL into taking a stand on this issue?

The answer?  Nowhere.  Why?  Because Peta folks are self righteous and elitest loons.

How do I know this?  Because I’m pretty sure that the next member of Peta that is diagnosed with cancer of the whatever won’t refuse the chemo and radiation treatments we use to cure the disease.  Those cures were tested and "perfected" on animals.

The same thing goes for the next fat Peta fucker that needs a bypass.  They didn’t test that shit on hobos and lepers (although that may be an awesome idea).  They tested those methods on animals. The same goes for doing stitches, organ transplants, vaccines, etc.

There is a responsibility that comes with being at the top of the food chain, being able to talk and having opposable thumbs.  But there is also the need to understand that you can’t have it both ways.

Like the bible thumpers that cling to their interpretation of a few passages in the bible while ignoring the rest, it does no good to throw fake blood at someone in a fur coat but then accept the vaccination your kid gets to keep them from dying of Meningitis or some other hideous disease.

So unless you Peta-ers are willing to sign some waiver that says "I accept everything that happens to me as a result of my refusal of all things that have ever involved the harming of any living creature past or present and this decision precludes me from basically all medical care and 90 percent of the food I need to survive," then please do me a favor and shut the fuck up.




 

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