Today was an uneventful day.
I didn’t get my balls wet whilst taking a dump.
No kids brained me with the popcorn roller thingy.
I didn’t shart in the car on the way to work.
No one cut me off at a drive thru.
Charter didn’t fuck up and kill my internet for the day.
I didn’t fall off the sidewalk and into traffic.
No governor (that I’m aware of) left for four days to bang someone on another continent.
No dead pedophiles came back from the dead.
And I did not die while playing volleyball or drown while swimming after said activity.
All in all, a decent day.
Tomorrow will be filled with exciting things like laundry folding, kid room cleaning, yard work, etc.
Stand back everybody. I think I’m getting a boner.
Sincerely,
FRT
p.s. My birthday is Friday. Would it fucking kill you to get me a present? Hoss, you just need to come over and hang out. Everybody else, gift me.
What say you?