Functionally ReTodded

For those of you that tolerate my ass-hattery on Facebook, you have already read this article.  Hell, if you don’t play on Facebook you’ve read about it.  After I posted the link on Facebook I pushed it aside,  but GBD sent the link to me and said I might want to blog about it.

And that made me start thinking about it again, and after about 30 seconds, I found myself standing up again.

Anyway, here’s the headline and a link to the story:

Florida woman calls 911 after McDonald’s runs out of McNuggets

I refuse to post the text of the story.  It’s your responsibility to read the first three paragraphs before you snap like I did.

A woman (who doesn’t appear to be mentally incapacitated in any way) walked into a McDonald’s.  She ordered a 10-piece McNuggets and paid for it.  She was then told that they were out of McNuggets.  She was told all sales were final.  She was offered a McDouble instead.  She wanted a refund.  She was told that she couldn’t have a refund.

So she called 911.

Three.  Times.

That’s right citizens of Fort Pierce, Florida.  If you know anyone that died or was hurt because the police didn’t get to them in time, it’s because THIS shit for brains fucktard called 911 about McNuggets!

Now, I don’t know anything about Fort Pierce, Florida.  Maybe they have a high crime rate.  Maybe it was late at night.  Maybe the cashiers aren’t authorized to remove money from the drawer.

Or maybe the loser at the register was just trying to be a dick.  (Hey.   It’s possible).

But where in your apparently brain-free cranium do you do the injustice and crime math and decide "Yep.  McDonald’s has committed a heinous crime against me.  A crime so heinous that I consider it an emergency and must now occupy dispatch and patrol officers’ time by calling 911.  And I will not just call them once.  Or twice.  I will call them three times.  It’s really that big of an emergency."

For the benefit of doing thorough research, I’ll listen to the three 911 calls now…

Oh goody.  Here’s an exerpt from call number one:  "She say she are the manager."

No more excerpts.  She’s a moron.

Now I ask you.  Where are we today as a society where, when we have a squabble about six bucks, we call 911?  Not just the police, mind you.  Nine. One. One.

Are we soooooo reliant on the government to take care of us that we can’t handle even an assinine disagreement like this without involving the po-po?  Really?

Again, the manager (or whoever it was) was an asshole.  Anytime a place like that can’t fill your order, they should refund your money.  But as the consumer, this loon should have called the 1-800-lickmynuggets number posted next to the Happy Meal toy display and complained, and they would have gladly sent her a gift card or something.

McDonald’s tried to make it right after the fact.  They offered her a refund and a free meal.  Of course Latreasa declined the offer, as she has sought legal help and may sue McDonald’s.

(Left eye twitching)

Let me get this straight.  You’re so god damned stupid that, in your brain, the only possible solution to the problem described above is to call 911 EMERGENCY?  THREE TIMES???

And when you got arrested for abusing the 911 system for said problem instead of being sane and either going somewhere else or whatever, you’ve decided to hire Siler & Jonap, Attorneys at Law to represent you when you sue McDonald’s?

SUE THEM FOR WHAT?  YOUR FUCKING CHANGE?  A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF POLYNESIAN SAUCE?  WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE OWED? YOU SHOULD THANK THEM FOR NOT SERVING YOU THE HEART ATTACK YOU ORDERED.  MAYBE IT WAS GOD TELLING YOU TO EAT A FUCKING SALAD!

(Left eye twitching uncontrollably now)

If I’m McDonald’s corporate or the franchisee, here’s what I would do:

First, I apologize to all of the other patrons who were inconvenienced by your shit-assery.

Second, I apologize to any citizens in the area that received a slow response or no response from 911 for an actually emergency or life-threatening situation due to YOUR negligence and stupidity.

Third, I make you stand against a wall and I let saidr citizens throw your restitution at you in pennies from ten feet away.  ($5 or so should do it).

Fourth, I announce that your pain and suffering settlement (I’m thinking $100 here considering that juries are retarded and might actually award you something for being what should essentially be called a failed abortion) has been mailed to a PO Box in Alaska.  Pick it up whenever you’d like.

And lastly, I would tell you and the entire area that you are banned from my establishment forever.  The profit on six bucks worth of deep-fried lips and assholes isn’t worth the trouble of dealing with the likes of you.

Of course, I guess I should be happy.  At least the cop that picked her up wasn’t out writing bullshit tickets to soccer moms in subdivisions.