I haven’t felt too inspired today, so I struggled to find a topic.
But then, like a kick in the nads, a topic found me:
Children’s television.
While snuggling up with Thing 3, someone (cough cough GBD cough cough) turned on "Max and Ruby." Were it not for the namesake in my lap, I may have gouged out my own eyes.
I hate this show with the fire of ten episodes of the Teletubbies. It’s a cartoon rabbit and her younger brother, and the entire show is based on him being a little boy and her being a nagging god damned bitch. She and her naggy asshole friends bitch anytime he does anything. I hate it.
Then there’s (no attempt to spell this correctly) Ni Hao Kai Lan.
Basically, it’s Dora in Japanese. Or Chinese. I’m not sure. Her grandfather is Mr. Miagi, her friends are all stupid animals and she sings 71 different songs, but to the exact same score. WHO DOES THAT?
Then there’s Dora. I hate her and her god damned monkey and her shouting and her stupid ass giant head. I heard this week that Dora is about to be a "tween." I don’t know what that means, but I hope it means she is trapped and killed beTWEEN two colliding passenger trains.
Next up, Yo Gabba Gabba. Some black gay hippie in tights lords over some stupid Diorama where retarded creatures sing songs about not hitting your friends, sharing, and other hippy shit. It may cause me to start cutting…
Then there’s Little Bear. He teaches the kids nothing. Every other bear wears people clothes but him, he’s retarded and does stupid things, and he’s friends with a girl that has a doll. That’s it. There’s a spastic duck, a snake that takes Quaaludes, a chicken that’s manic depressive, and other animals. Again, they teach my kids shit. If my kids were smoking pot, it’d be the greatest show in the world.
But they’re not. They want to, but I keep doing the egg in a frying pan "this is your brain on drugs" demonstration, and then they just want some God damn eggs.
Have a great Saturday everybody. Hope you all get lucky.
FRT
p.s. I should have titled this post "Lazy hack mailing it in," but I didn’t think you’d read far enough to get the snake on ludes, so I didn’t).
i love this post! my husband can’t stand dora and we are getting sick of watching max and ruby for the thousandth time! haha. i don’t mind yo gabba gabba or little bear but i do know what you mean. funny stuff! what happened to the classic cartoons that we grew up on? my kids think those “old shows” are boring!
hahaha! Okay, we are about Max and Ruby’d out in this house. We are preplexed by a few things…where in the hell are their parents!? does Ruby raise Max? she bathes him, feeds him, even puts him to bed? And, why can Max only say one word per episode? Maybe if his parents were present, he could get some speech therapy, I don’t know. There’s an episode: Max and Ruby’s Dead Beat Parents Finally Show Up, Realize Their Youngest is Borderline Retarted and Get Him Some Help! Or, maybe they can at least jump on the train with OctoMom and get some disablity money for his delay in speech! I don’t know, but someone responsible for the writing of that show needs to step it up. And, our daughter LOVES it. It is currently the only show she will watch, because she doesn’t like anything with a villian, so for the time being we are spared from Dora or Tween Dora or whatever she has going on now. See, this was a good post…other parents can joing in the bitch fest and over-analyzing of these stupid shows. Oh….oh, and don’t get me started on Yo Gabba Gabba. Imagine our surprise when Abby asked to watch it and who was on there???…BIZ MARKIE! WHAT!? ‘Oh, baby, yooooooou, you got what I need, and you say he’s just a friend, and you say he’s just a friend…..’ I guess he has come a long way from those days. And, then the show was topped off with a toe touch/high kick from our friend in the orange jump suit, and I am fairly sure grown men shouldn’t be able to pull a move like that. I’m just saying…..