Functionally ReTodded

Because I’m an awesome guy and a great parent, people with less kids than me often ask me the difference between having no kids, one, two and three kids.  Oddly enough, yesterday provided a perfect example of the difference.

A little history first.  1doh, who is now six and a half (the half is VERY important to her now), started wanting to learn to ride a bike.  We got a good second-hand bike from my BIL and nephew, and I spent a Saturday afternoon about a month or so ago huffing and puffing and running behind the bike, holding the seat, having her panic, brake, fall, etc.  Over.  And.  Over.  Not fun.

Then, she jumped on a neighbor’s razor scooter and liked it.  She has a scooter (that she got forever ago) that is one of those two wheels in front, one in the back things.  Not the scooter she needed.

So about two or three weeks ago, I headed to Wally World and picked up a $38 razor scooter for her, and she was off.  Scootering everywhere, all the time.  She got good really fast.

I looked at her after about a week and said "Baby, this is gonna make you learning to ride a bike really easy since you understand balance now."

Fast forward to last night.  I’m walking across the parking lot at Kroger on the way home, and my phone rings.  It’s the wife.

Her:  (excited) "Hold on, okay.  LAUREN!! COME TELL DADDY!!"

Lauren:  "Daddy!! I rode my bike!  I told mommy I wanted to practice and I got on and I rode from our driveway all the way to Mr. Skip’s yard and back and did it again and again and again."

Lauren (to my wife):  Mommy, can I be done telling daddy now?  I wanna ride my bike."  Then some squealing.

My wife gets back on the phone and says "I’m outside with all these kids and she wanted to ride, and I told her to wait for you, and she said she wanted to practice on her own in the yard.  Then she got on and just rode.  Not one fall.  Nothing.  She just rode the bike."

So that’s pretty awesome right?  A great day for  sure.

We’ll see.

We finished dinner and sang the "Hooray for (insert person’s name here)" song that we sing whenever anyone does anything good. (I’ll throw the lyrics up later and maybe a video of fia singing it).

That was when the wife went over to clean up PK and wipe his face and hands.

Then I hear "Hey.  What is this?  Are these teethmarks?  Are these bite marks on his arm?  On both arms?!?"

Switch to Fia and she’s covering her eyes.

Me:  "Fia.  Did you bite Patrick?"

Fia:  (covers eyes).

Me: (pulling her hands from her eyes) "DID.  YOU.  BITE.  PATRICK?!?!?!?

Fia: (nodding)

Wife:  "Do you want me to bite YOU Fia?  Do you?"  (picking up Fia’s arm and mock biting).

Fia:  "NO MOMMY! Noooooo!"

So really, that’s multiple kids in a nutshell.  The victories are fleeting as there’s always another arm to bite or something to break just around the corner.  So you better enjoy the first bike rides while you can.

(Just to clarify, we didn’t really have to guess or get the cast of CSI-Mayberry to come have a look.  Fia has perfect teeth and the bite marks were full impressions with all teeth but the molars.  He had one on his left forearm and one on his right hand.  Have I mentioned how lucky my kids are that I don’t believe in spanking?)