Accent -I have none. I am region-neutral. Although I can pick up accents if I stay places for more than a week. Like Montreal, Boston, Chicago, Minnesota, etc. I return home with a thick accent from whence I came.
Breakfast - Best. Meal. Ever. Waffle House. Egg McMuffins. Chick Fil A biscuits with egg and cheese. Leftover pizza. Scrambled eggs and chopped potatoes with diced leftover ribeye. I just love to eat in the morning. (That’s what she said).
Chore I Don’t Care For -All of them? Cleaning the garage or bathrooms is the worst.
Dog or Cat - Neither, but I’d have a dog. I would also have a cat. Buried in my backyard.
Essential Electronics - iPod. Laptop. Blackberry. Aircard (while traveling). Golf cart.
Favorite Perfume - None. Perfume and cologne should be outlawed and its use in the workplace a felony.
Gold or Silver -Silver is trendy, but I like it for my cock ring. Gold is better for outerwear.
Handbag - No. Murse? Maybe.
Insomnia -Occasionally. Tylenol PM is great for that though. Come to think of it, so is Lortab.
Job Title -IT Support Analyst
Kids - 3. No more. I’m begging you.
Living Arrangements -Married. 3 kids. Living in a 4br, 3.5 bath house that looks like a Goodwill store and a Kay-bee toys collided and blew up all over the place.
Most Admirable Trait - I am very generous as a lover. And I’m tall. I think if you asked my wife, she’d focus on the latter.
Naughtiest Childhood Behavior -I liked fire. A lot.
Overnight Hospital Stays - Adenoids removed at 5 or 6, cardiac catheterization 3 years and 22 days ago, and a robotic bypass of my left anterior decending artery 3 years and 16 days ago.
Phobias - Using a public restroom to do number two and having one of those open-fronted seats that breaks and as it slides you off the side it acts like a dull pair of scissors with the side of the toilet, severing my penis in the process.
And clowns.
Quote - "If you ever questioned whether or not I loved you, know that I didn’t name you Floyd." My dad.
Reason to smile -Snuggling with my kids in their soft soft winter pajamas.
Siblings -1. Sort of. My dad and stepmom adopted a brand new white baby the Thanksgiving weekend of my freshman year in college. So I have a half step-brother or a step-half brother and I’ve never lived in the same house with him. Who am I kidding? 1. The answer is 1.
Time I wake up - 6am. Unless one of the kids gets up at 4am like yesterday. GAH!!
Unusual Talent or Skill - I can whistle using any combination of two fingers on either hand. Pinky-thumb, left ring-right thumb, two thumbs, index-pinky, I can do it all.
Oh, and I can spin things on my fingers. If it’s flat and has a consistent density (like a book, a plate, a huge throw pillow, a three foot ovale serving tray), I can spin in, as well as throw it high in the air and catch it. And people thought I got nothing out of my days as a waiter and bartender.
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat -Nearly all of them, but I’ll list my top five hated veggies.
1) Rutabega - I hate them so much I refuse to check if I spelled it right. It’s the bastard child of the turnip and poo flung by monkeys at the zoo. My dad would slice them paper thin, put a little butter in the pan and microwave them, making the whole house smell like shit.
2) Broccoli - Walk outside, pick up a small tree, like a pine sappling. soak it overnight in urine and then eat the bushy top part. That’s broccoli. Any food that someone tries talking you into liking by saying "It’s great with cheese on it" sucks ass. A lot.
3) Asparagus - Just like broccoli, except instead of a pine tree it’s a whole corn plant, but without the god damned corn. Awful. The same arguement about cheese applies. Oh, and as a bonus, this awful plant makes your urine nearly radioactive and so stinky that people outside your house can smell it.
4) squash (and anything else from that family) - It’s all bad. The inside isn’t done, their mealy in texture and just taste like shit. Blech. Awful. and bad in anything it’s added to as well.
5) Tomato - Shut up. I know it’s "technically" a fruit. Shut up. You know it’s a vegetable. No sane person has tomato juice alone (like you would cranberry or orange or apple juice). To make people drink the juice, you have to add appeal by adding vodka. If they make it into a soup or slice it for sandwhiches or put it on a salad it’s a vegetabe. And it sucks.
Now that I think about it, It’s possible that the tomato is my LEAST favorite veggie. The texture’s terrible, it’s got larvae like shit in the middle, it stains anything it touches, and it burns any slight cut you might have on your hands. Plus, everyone is so shocked when you say you hate tomatoes that they insist on "have you tried it with ___?" or "You don’t even like tomatoes on ____??" or "Gosh, you should try them again. Your taste buds change as you age." Shut up. I’m forty years old. I have a wife, three kids, a non-subprime mortgage and I’ve had a bypass. I know what I like and what I don’t like, and I don’t like tomatoes.
Worst Habit - Other than being incredibly awesome and too generous as a lover? Either not putting my clothes in the hamper or letting my truck look like a pig sty.
X-Rays -I’ve had many. Top to bottom. Teeth, head, ankles, chest, abdomen, lungs (many times), wrists.
Yummy Stuff -Zaxby’s. Totinos Pizza. 35 degree beer. Ribeyes cooked on the big green egg. Leg of lamb (Our Thanksgiving main course this year).
Zoo Animal I Like Most -Poo flingin’ monkeys. Or the elephants. Their penises touch the ground when they pee, so I feel a kinship with them.
What say you?