Functionally ReTodded

I made a few notes during my flight Sunday, and I wanted to share them with you.

First and foremost, WHO FARTS ON AN AIRPLANE?!?!?!?

Seriously.  I understand if that gawdawful smell was coming from the fore lav.  But to just be sitting in my seat and having this green wave of death falling upon me is just pathetic.

Next, the douche reading a novel (in French) who presented the flight attendant with a free drink coupon for his glass of red wine, and didn’t tip her!

Here’s how I roll on the free drink thing.  Whatever your bill should have been if you counted the free drinks is what you pay.  That way, the attendant / waitress / bartender gets a nice tip for being nice.  That dood could have made her day by tipping her the six bucks.  Instead, he looked like a jackhole and I was brought several free snacks and stuff because I DID tip.  So eff you frog boy.

And then there are a couple of comments for the people across the aisle from me. She was an attractive brunette around 35-40 wearing a mini-skirt and sitting on the aisle.  He was a 65ish odd looking dude with a comb-over, denim shorts and black socks with tennis shoes.

She, on no less than three occasions, took out a hairbrush and spent ten minutes each time brushing her hair.

Really? Multiple hair brushings when you’re doing nothing but sitting?  Good God.

And you, you svengali dood.  This guy had his right hand on his woman’s left thigh the ENTIRE flight.  Every second.  All the while rubbing, rubbing, rubbing.  And I’m not talking near the knee.  This was half the time not seeing his hand.

And for the record, I blame that for me ejaculating during the in-flight trash pickup.

I had a couple of 30-ish year old hippie douches, complete with their communist Red Army hats on.  Seriously, who is a hippy anymore?  If you wanna smoke pot, fine.  But do you have to have the whole Haight-Ashbury vibe?

And lastly, there was diva acting broad on the plane.  And she made four bathroom trips during the two hour flight.  Complete with Harry Carey sized sunglasses and a full-length white coat.

That’s right.  You flew from bajillion degree Atlanta to 85 degree Montreal in late July, and you wore a full-length winter coat.  Nice work.

Let me think if anything else caught my attention.  Oh wait.  That’s right.  The girl at the front desk when I checked in Monday was the same girl that was there last time when I was checking out, and I had to explain how I had inadvertantly selected the 44.95 ppv movie that you got for 24 hours.  It’s fun having to look a total stranger in the eye and say "Yes.  I was ordering porn whilst alone in my room.  I meant to order ‘Blowjob Babes 8′ and I accidentally selected ‘24 hours of Airtight Grannies 11.’  Can I get that $44.95 refunded and then pay the difference in cash to have that removed from my itemized statement please?"

Good times.