Functionally ReTodded

So here I sit, and I have some observations.

If you are a fat 50+ year old in a wheelchair at the airport with all the signs of advanced diabetes, should you really have a 12 pack of Krystal Burgers in front of you?

Flying on Monday morning means two hours in the Homeland Security line. Fly Sunday at noon and you go from the curb to the gate in under 20 minutes.

I walked into the bafroom to take a wee-wee, and after I washed my hands, I looked to my left and saw this:

My first thought was, how do I get into that thing to pleasure myself?

Then I read the sign and it’s a 400mph hand dryer produced by the fabulous Dyson company. Go try one at your local airport asap. They’re really cool.

Why is it that I never get to board or exit the plane at a gate that’s right next to the concourse? I am constantly at the very last gate in the airport, as I am today.

My flight’s at 12:22pm and it’s a beverage only flight. Look fuckers, this ticket was $1,277 dollars, and you can’t come correct and give me a shitty sammich or something? For $1,200 bucks I could almost have chartered my own plane to Montreal.

Last night was great, although I am exhausted. 1doh had a sleep-over at our house with three neighborhood girls, all of whom arrived with the pink rolling suitcases at exactly 3:40pm. The good part was that my rents came and got 3doh and took him to their house for the night. (And go figure that the cute little bastard went to bed at 7:30pm and didn’t get up until 8:45am today!)

We ordered pizza for them (and their mascot 2doh) at around 6:00pm, and then ran them ragged in the yard, right up until the BIL offered them access to the hot tub. an hour of that and the girls were flat done and in bed snoring by 10pm, which wasn’t NEARLY as bad as I thought it’d be.

We spent the evening in the driveway in camp chairs getting mailed by skeeters, drinking beer and enjoying some fellowship with the neighbors.  A few notes from that as well:

Tony, sorry a neighbor and I took the golf cart down to your house and peed off your deck.  You know what they say when you’ve gotta go…

It’s a small world when a jewish girl that goes to Alabama is best friends with the girl whose dad was a client of my dad’s in the 80’s and was the guy that got me Joshua Tree tickets in 1988 for free with 24 hours notice.

I think a person might want to consider their drinking habits if they fall on their face in the driveway trying to stand up from a camp chair.

So that’s it for now fuckers. I’m gonna end this post so I can browse some porn here at the gate. Seems like it would be funny. Stay tuned…