Functionally ReTodded

I’m not above begging at this point people. I’m at my wit’s end.

I’m in iPod pergatory.

I have regaled you over the last year or two about my music collection. We have in excess of 90,000 songs in our house. That is a blessing and a curse.
It’s a blessing because you can have any music you want.

It’s a curse because I can’t afford the $1,800 bucks it would require to have all that music on iPods at my disposal.

What that amount of music requires is diligence. I spent days and DAYS going though the NAS’ content artist by artist, album by album and song by song, eventually populating my iPod with 1383 songs, of which there is not one that makes me push "Next"

Fast forward to last night. I had been talking with a neighbor about our music tastes, and me mentioned in passing a band that, for one album, I LOVED!

Shooting Star

So I went to iTunes, found the songs I wanted, purchased them, downloaded them, moved them to my NAS, synchronized my iPod, and…

Nothing. Jack Shit. Nada.

I even rebuilt my iPod from relative scratch. Same result.

The songs exist in the location where iTunes wants them to be. THey’re checked. They just won’t show up on my motherfucking iPod and I’m pissed.

Same thing for new podcasts. No dice.

I implore you. Help me people. Before I have to once again tell Steve Jobs to shove it up his ass…

I recently read that approximately 80ish percent of Americans have cell phones. That’s over 200 million people. That is an absolute shit pot of dumbasses mixed in with your responsible users. In honor of that, here is my list of the top ten nine most annoying things about mobile phones.

9) Those fucktards that use the speakerphone in public, in the office, etc. Seriously people. I don’t want or need to hear you yapping your ass off everywhere. Not every phone is a Nextel, nor should it be treated as such.

A corollary to number nine. Those idiots that use the speaker and talk into the bottom of the phone and hold it like it’s one of the tri-corder things from Star Trek. This just in peeps. IT’S A PHONE!!! If you hold it up to your ear and talk into it like a regular phone, it works just fine.

7) The jawbone ear thingies are not jewelry. They are a phone accessory. If you wear one walking around the mall, at the movies, in the grocery store, or anywhere else but while in your office or your vehicle and you’re not talking on it, everyone is laughing at you.

6) The jawbone is stupid. The only thing worse than walking around not talking on one is walking around actually talking on one. I use it in the car, and only if I think about it. Except for the wired headsets where people are holding the talky thing right up a millimeter from their mouth. Or better, the asian guy I saw at the grocery store who had that wire going up and over his left ear, across his upper lip and across to his other ear. I call it the nerdy sanchez.

5) The only ringtones that are NOT gay are songs. and I think it has to be something cool like AC/DC "For those about to rock," and it has to be live. One exception is the sonar pinger thingy I use for mail. That rocks.

4) The fact that every person over ten has one. Remember when cell phones were for emergencies? Remember when we carried pagers and had to find a pay phone? Now, you can see a pack of a dozen pre-teens walking at the mall, and half of them are texting or talking. I mean, when did it become mandatory for a 6th grader to have something that costs $50-$100 a month or more? What is so urgent that Austin and Amber can’t just wait until their done shoplifting pens and smoking in the parking lot behind Bed, Bath and Beyond?

3) People with blackberry devices that text people with blackberry devices. Hey guys. You both work for the same company. USE THE FUCKING EMAIL!! Text messages are fifteen cents a piece and emails are free. You are literally just pissing away money.

2) Non-standard chargers. Why is this such a difficult concept. Every company that makes peripherals for pc’s makes a USB connection. Why on earth don’t the companies that make the phones just switch to USB? I must have forty five chargers with various plugs in the drawer of old phone technology upstairs.

1) A mobile phone isn’t a status symbol. It doesn’t make you cool or important or anything but rude if your use of it is holding me up in any way. Like if you are busy talking about Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson in the express line at Kroger INSTEAD OF FILLING OUT YOUR FUCKING CHECK ALREADY!!!

You may or may not have heard, but last week a couple of home-related issues cropped up at Casa de FRT.

After fearing that the water heater was failing based on my three days of Army showers, it turned out just to be a failed thermocouple. I know that sounds kind of like a sprocket modulating introspector, but it’s actually a ten dollar part that costs $90 to install plus the $75 visit / up your ass charge.

Feeling like we’d gotten one over on karma, I pressed our luck and called an electrician to look at our storage fridge in the basement. (That’s fancy for huge beer fridge, in case you didn’t know). Turned out that the dust and crap from construction of our basement had clogged the filter and venting systems on the fridge and fried a circuity part thingy or the compressor.

$300 for the circuity part thingy +$75 up your ass charge vs. $650 for new compressor plus $75 up your ass charge.

I took a shot and sure enough, the circuity part thingy fixed it. We were admonished by the electrician to take a vacuum to the bottom of our fridges twice a year just to be safe. Yeah. Whatever asscrack.

So in a week that looked like we’d pay a grand or more for a new water heater, we actually got the water heater AND the fridge fixed for $550. It’s not the best use of our economic stimulus money, but whatever.

So Saturday, mein papa takes me to the bank where I get to cash in $1,300 in 40 year old Savings Bonds.

WOOT!!! Hey everybody!! Look at me!!! I have fuck you money!!

(That means that there was no way on God’s green earth I was spending this money on bills or groceries or clothes or anything practical. This money was going to be put to use like if a 12 year old found a hundred bucks on the side of the road or in his dad’s nightstand).

First up, the 1991 Club Car golf cart seen here:

Then, after re-thinking the Rockband for Wii purchase, I decided that I would be purchasing said game for the XBox 360 after it returns from warranty replacement…again.

Next up, the Nikon 50mm f1:1.8 prime lens, seen here:

And then a few necessary auto repairs and some little crap.

Then yesterday, it was another ice cold shower. Called the plumber, he came out, and either the gas valve needed to be replaced for $400, or we could address the fact that the water heater was leaking / failing and pay $845 for a new one.

So all I have to say is fuck you, Fuck You money.