Archive for April, 2008

28
Apr

A random sports blog

Avitable, feel free to go get your toenails painted again, you homo.

A few notes after recent events.

Sunday’s NHRA event at Atlanta was awesome.  Great racing.  Great friends.  Great hospitality.  It was all good.

Chelsea beating Manchester United this weekend was astonishing, and it was done by my favorite German player, Michael Ballack.
The fact that Roger Clemens has already completely fucked up his place in history (despite being the 2nd or 3rd greatest pitcher EVER) is awesome.  The fact that it’s going to come out now that he had a ten year afair with country singer Mindy McCready STARTING WHEN HE WAS 28 AND SHE WAS 15 is, while sad, too good to be true.

No bigger turncoat, traitor and general shitass has lived in 50 years of baseball than Roger.  He will get everything he deserves.

The Atlanta Hawks made the NBA playoffs this year for the first time since Kareem Abdul Jabbar was about two years old.

Turns out, I don’t hate the NBA or basketball.  I LOVE basketball.  I just don’t love a totally shitty team like we’ve had.

I’m sitting on the couch right now watching Joe Johnson do his best to beat the one seed Celtics single-handedly, and I’m mesmerized.

A series that was a foregone conclusion is on the verge of being a 2-2 tie.  If the Hawks win this, it would make the Sox coming back from 3-1 against the Yankees look like a layup drill.

28
Apr

Times be tough on Walton’s Mountain

Winter and allergy season suck.  At least with three kids they do.  It seems that I can’t have one day without at least two snotty noses at my house (not including my own).

My son has been a mess for the better part of a week, and a lesser child would have driven me insane.  He’s tough as hell.  He was diagnosed with a double whipass ear infection on Thursday, and then Saturday night, despite being on antibiotics and other stuff, he had a bad fever.  It was 102 and change.

But that wasn’t bad at all.

While on the phone with the after hours nurse, it spiked to 104.9 degrees.  Even dumbasses know that 104 plus fever is bad.  Very bad.

saturday night sucked donkey balls. He was up for around 4 hours and screaming bloody ass murder. GBD finally took him down and laid up in the lazyboy and went to sleep.

I went to the races, came home, and we lather rinse and repeated last night basically. (for what it’s worth, I only had five beers between 9am and 5pm at the races).

Felt like I was hit by a train when I woke up, wife talked me into sleeping another hour, etc.

I came home at about 2:30pm thanks to 1doh being sick.

Anywhoo, I took up the boy around 5pm, and somewhere around 7:15pm, I got my son back.

What do I mean?

He started smiling. A lot. At everyone. And it never stopped.

Got the girls to bed, played with pk for two hours straight. It was awesome. I almost forgot what his laugh sounded like, and I took full advantage. I tickled that boy and tossed him over my head until he was 100 percent ready for bed.

I am happy.

20
Apr

Another sad part of being an adult

I can no longer make fart sounds with my armpit.

That is all.

19
Apr

What a difference five miles makes

(If you are someone who is going to judge me or curl up your nose because I am about to make some social observations, I’ll save you the time.  Do not bother.  This shall not be politically correct at all).

Today I needed to hit the grocery store for some stuff.  Our normal Suwanee Kroger is about six miles away and there is more traffic than the one that is four-ish miles away and up in Buford.

We call the Buford Kroger the nasty Kroger because it’s, well, nasty.  The store is dated and undersized. The people that work there are astonishingly not right.  And most of the patrons (myself excluded of course) are some of the dregs of society.  It’s amazing that a place that attracts dregs also attracts me…out of convenience.

Anyway, I was there to buy the usual:  brie, caviar, Cristal, etc.  And on my way out of the store, I saw a couple of things that gave me pause.

One was just an observation.  There were a couple of women who were dark skinned, dark haired, and spoke a language not of our land.  One of them had a baby that looked about two weeks old, but they both had on skin tight black capris and belly shirts (and bras that didn’t match or fit but were nonetheless there).  Oh, and did I mention that they were four foot eleven and 200 pounds each?  And both had mustaches and back hair?

First, I was passing a slender fellow of color and two proud women of color and size, and within a second of each other and within ten feet of the store, both sistas hocked loogies.

That’s right.  These two "women" made that gutteral, snot-suckin sound and spit balls of phlegm on the ground.

Before I could even process that, I got to my car which was a scant four spots from the store.  That’s where I saw a young man who appeared to have a hand-rolled cigarette in his mouth sitting on the tailgate of his truck as he was waiting for a friend.

Of course, we all know this wasn’t a hand-rolled cigarette.  It was a bone.  A doobie.  A blunt.  A jet.  A joint.  You know.  Mary-wanna.

And what does his buddy do?

Climbs into the passenger seat, face forward, and rolls a fattie.

Right there in the Kroger parking lot just four spots from the store.

Seriously?  I’m looking at these kids thinking "Dood, unless you are so high that you think you’re invisible, there’s not really an excuse to be doing this here with so many office parks and such so nearby.

Anyway, that was my trip to the white trash Kroger.  What’d y’all do today?

18
Apr

Some might say it’s nerdy

Today is one of my five or ten favorite days of the year.

"Why is that?" you might be asking?

And before I answer, NO, it’s NOT because that chick from the Harry Potter movies turned 18 yesterday and is now legally allowed to show her beaver to adult males Avitable.

Thanks to my father’s photographic memory, a small town country education and his seemingly singular purpose of trying to annoy and embarass me as a child / teen / adult and the musings of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, I now enjoy and look forward to this day every year.

My phone at work rang today at a little after 8:30am, like the 18th of April every other year since I wasn’t living under his roof, I answered the phone to hear the following:

Twas the 18th of April in ‘75

Hardly a man is now alive

that remembers that fateful day and year

that saw the ride of Paul Revere.

One if by land and two if by sea,

And I on the opposite shore will be,

Ready to ride and spread the alarm

Through every Middlesex village and farm

It always makes me laugh because he recites it in this sing-songy voice the same way he sings happy birthday to me every year since I can remember.

But today after the telling, I googled it to see who wrote it (mein papa knew), but we realized that he was telling it wrong.

Not wrong, but different.

So in honor of patriotism, heroism and horseback riding, I give you "The Ride of Paul Revere."

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, "If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower as a signal light,–
One if by land, and two if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country folk to be up and to arm."

Then he said "Good-night!" and with muffled oar
Silently rowed to the Charlestown shore,
Just as the moon rose over the bay,
Where swinging wide at her moorings lay
The Somerset, British man-of-war;
A phantom ship, with each mast and spar
Across the moon like a prison bar,
And a huge black hulk, that was magnified
By its own reflection in the tide.

Meanwhile, his friend through alley and street
Wanders and watches, with eager ears,
Till in the silence around him he hears
The muster of men at the barrack door,
The sound of arms, and the tramp of feet,
And the measured tread of the grenadiers,
Marching down to their boats on the shore.

Then he climbed the tower of the Old North Church,
By the wooden stairs, with stealthy tread,
To the belfry chamber overhead,
And startled the pigeons from their perch
On the sombre rafters, that round him made
Masses and moving shapes of shade,–
By the trembling ladder, steep and tall,
To the highest window in the wall,
Where he paused to listen and look down
A moment on the roofs of the town
And the moonlight flowing over all.

Beneath, in the churchyard, lay the dead,
In their night encampment on the hill,
Wrapped in silence so deep and still
That he could hear, like a sentinel’s tread,
The watchful night-wind, as it went
Creeping along from tent to tent,
And seeming to whisper, "All is well!"
A moment only he feels the spell
Of the place and the hour, and the secret dread
Of the lonely belfry and the dead;
For suddenly all his thoughts are bent
On a shadowy something far away,
Where the river widens to meet the bay,–
A line of black that bends and floats
On the rising tide like a bridge of boats.

Meanwhile, impatient to mount and ride,
Booted and spurred, with a heavy stride
On the opposite shore walked Paul Revere.
Now he patted his horse’s side,
Now he gazed at the landscape far and near,
Then, impetuous, stamped the earth,
And turned and tightened his saddle girth;
But mostly he watched with eager search
The belfry tower of the Old North Church,
As it rose above the graves on the hill,
Lonely and spectral and sombre and still.
And lo! as he looks, on the belfry’s height
A glimmer, and then a gleam of light!
He springs to the saddle, the bridle he turns,
But lingers and gazes, till full on his sight
A second lamp in the belfry burns.

A hurry of hoofs in a village street,
A shape in the moonlight, a bulk in the dark,
And beneath, from the pebbles, in passing, a spark
Struck out by a steed flying fearless and fleet;
That was all! And yet, through the gloom and the light,
The fate of a nation was riding that night;
And the spark struck out by that steed, in his flight,
Kindled the land into flame with its heat.
He has left the village and mounted the steep,
And beneath him, tranquil and broad and deep,
Is the Mystic, meeting the ocean tides;
And under the alders that skirt its edge,
Now soft on the sand, now loud on the ledge,
Is heard the tramp of his steed as he rides.

It was twelve by the village clock
When he crossed the bridge into Medford town.
He heard the crowing of the cock,
And the barking of the farmer’s dog,
And felt the damp of the river fog,
That rises after the sun goes down.

It was one by the village clock,
When he galloped into Lexington.
He saw the gilded weathercock
Swim in the moonlight as he passed,
And the meeting-house windows, black and bare,
Gaze at him with a spectral glare,
As if they already stood aghast
At the bloody work they would look upon.

It was two by the village clock,
When he came to the bridge in Concord town.
He heard the bleating of the flock,
And the twitter of birds among the trees,
And felt the breath of the morning breeze
Blowing over the meadow brown.
And one was safe and asleep in his bed
Who at the bridge would be first to fall,
Who that day would be lying dead,
Pierced by a British musket ball.

You know the rest. In the books you have read
How the British Regulars fired and fled,—
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
>From behind each fence and farmyard wall,
Chasing the redcoats down the lane,
Then crossing the fields to emerge again
Under the trees at the turn of the road,
And only pausing to fire and load.

So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night went his cry of alarm
To every Middlesex village and farm,—
A cry of defiance, and not of fear,
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo for evermore!
For, borne on the night-wind of the Past,
Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will waken and listen to hear
The hurrying hoof-beats of that steed,
And the midnight message of Paul Revere.

Thanks poppy.  I’ll look forward to your singing again in July.




 

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