Functionally ReTodded

I awoke this morning to the joyful sounds of my youngest child saying “BAH-BAH-BAH,” rocking to and fro and kicking me in the face and ribs. It was quite nice. Also, I had come to the conclusion that since the state of New York had seen their Lieutenant Governor take the oath, my having to hear more about the Jer-ho (that’s slang for Jersey Whore) and fillandering politicians was about to end.

Au contraire mon frere.

It seems that while the new governor of New York wanted to be three special things (Black, Blind and monogomous), it turns out he was only two thirds special.

I will grant him that being governor and getting to that lofty political seat while being sight impaired is impressive.  Getting there as a black man is also impressive, if not slightly less so.  Oh, and if you add to the fact that the dood probably didn’t 100% KNOW he was black, then that was a much smaller burden to bear. At least that’s what I learned from the Dave Chappelle skit about the oldest KKK member who was blind and just happened to be black.

You see, mere hours after taking the oath, this guy and his wife came out and admitted that they’d both cheated on each other a while back.  Granted, they both thought their marriage was failing, but WTF?  Is there not a single person in politics that isn’t cheating on their significant other?

And the revelation that blind politician did it took me back a bit.  Now, if you’re a SIGHTED moral-less scumbag, you can troll high schools, bars, playgrounds, hotel lobbies and such looking for women willing to trade their virtue and self respect for the right to say “Hey!! Guess who jizzed in MY hair?”

Ex-Guv Spitzer (Swallows) taught us that, if motivated, one can even escape the protective umbrella that is your security detail if you wanna score a little Hoboken pink.

But this guy’s blind!  If he tried to flee from Security, they’d just let him go and have a big hearty laugh as the guy stumbled over potted plants, room service trays and possibly the decomposing body of Jimmy Hoffa.  Face it peeps.  Laughs would be had by all.

The other thing that makes me mad is, well, look at the guy.  Wandering eyeballs aside, he ain’t much to look at really.  It drives an Adonis like me CRAZY knowing how hard I had to work to get a little action, and a blind ugly black guy is out scoring at will.

What is this world coming to anyway?

So the question is, does this new guy have to step down now too, or is infidelity okay as long as you’re not stupid enough to pay $4,200 FOR SEX, AND THEN PAY THAT TEN TIMES!?!?!?!?

I am still floored by that number.  If Spitzer had leprocy, herpes, the clap AND the AIDS, it STILL shouldn’t cost a guy with that job nearly five grand to get laid.  Hell, if memory serves and if it weren’t for Stupid Mayor Rudy and his clean up NYC, five grand should have gotten Spitzer roughly 500 Times Square Hand Shandies.