Functionally ReTodded

Hold on to your panties, Beatrice. There’s a storm a’comin’.

Actually, the storm’s already been here. It hit the downtown A-T-L last night. Now, I want you to know that I’m not making light of a tornado hitting anywhere.

The wife and I were sitting here watching television last night, including another fabulous episode of Sarifer Michlove Gewitt’s Friday night awesomeness that I call “The Cleavage Whisperer.” I have no idea what the episode was about, but her tits looked fantastic.

Anywho, as we’re waiting for the (un)exciting conclusion, our local news geniuses broke in to tell us about a developing story regarding high winds in town and possible damage to the Georgia Dome where the SEC tournament was being held.

Turns out, there were 60-80mph winds downtown and there was a tornado somewhere in there.

But the point of my post today is some of the retardedness that followed.

First, there was the idiot remote reporter standing in the street amidst rubble. I love when they send someone to stand somewhere near a place where something happened before. Can’t you just do that from anywhere? Why must you go to where there is currently nothing occurring?

Second, a myth (that was unknown to be) was rebuffed. Apparently there are some dumbshits somewhere that believe that a tornado can’t hit a big downtown area.

Wait. What? There are people that actually believe a tornado can’t hit an urban area? Who? Please find someone and make them stand up on camera and say that out loud. I would then demand they be stoned to death for their stupidity.

There was much more coverage accompanied by showing a 30 second video of paper falling from the roof in the Georgia Dome, and it was shown on a loop. FOR EVER! Okay! We get it! There was a storm. But if you’re gonna send reporters out, maybe someone could shoot video of anything other than just a banner flapping around in the wind.

Third, every local channel weather dork gets a boner because he gets to be the star instead of that funny sports guy. “Fuck you sports guy! I AM THE MAN TODAY!”, then they break out their weather finder One Billion or whatever they call the new radar they’re using.

Move forward to this morning. The wife and I were sitting down for some coffee and interweb browsing, and more local news was on the way. Today it was the same reporters standing in front of broken windows.

“No way!! Broken windows? GAAAAAH!! The apocolypse is nigh!!!”

Then, they cut away to the traffic person. I love the traffic person because whoever it is gets piled into some mop closet full of old televisions and they never get seen anywhere else but in their little hovel. It’s like the special ed wing of the local news.

So today, our traffic gal is explaining how there is some damage downtown and some roads are closed. Then she puts up the following graphic:

Really? Couldn’t they find a HAZMAT logo to put on the screen too?

This really reminds me of Homer Simpson’s website.  Does anyone remember that?

Oh, and if you’ll notice “Atlanta are closed due to debris and falling glass.”

Thanks news.