Functionally ReTodded

Since I’m on a roll today, I’d like to ask a few questions and say a few words about the story of the Governor of New York and his whore.

First, this is just the billionth example of a politician getting the job, swearing to get tough and passing judgement on the shortcomings of others, but ultimately stepping in shit themselves.

Examples? Sure.

Newt Gingrich trying to impeach Clinton and berating Clinton for infidelities, and all the while Newtie was banging someone that wasn’t his wife. Oh but he solved that by having his actual wife served with divorce papers in a hospital bed where she was resting while being treated FOR CANCER!

Jesse Jackson offering to “counsel” said President Clinton through his marital woes. Jesse had to make special time for this since he was busy faking a marriage and preparing for the birth of his bastard child by way of one of his staffer’s vaginas.

Anyway, if you’ve been living under a rock, the governor of New York (who was elected on a platform of ending corruption on Wall Street and many other places) has now resigned as a direct result of seeing himself linked to some internet whorehouse and paying up to $80,000 on hookers.

Oh. Did I mention that Le Guv is married and the father of three teenage daughters?

So here are my questions, and some of these have come from other people so thanks for letting me plagiarize.

If you are a governor in the United States, you’re one of the, I don’t know, 200 most powerful people in the US. Shouldn’t you just be able to wander up to some slut from New Jersey and say “Hey baby…have you ever blown a governor?”

I mean, I have a friend that won a couple of gold medals in the Seoul Olympics, and after he got home from Korea, he took the semester off from school.

Why?

So he could go out to bars, wear his gold medal and say “Hey baby. You ever blown a gold medal winner?”

You laugh, but I assure you that he got more ass than a bus station toilet seat during that semester.

You notice I didn’t say that he came home and picked up the phone, called a high priced hooker and paid for sex.

So here’s a guy. He’s married for forever. He’s got THREE teenage daughters. And instead of picking up some homeless woman for a gum-job (a homeless woman that he could have killed, by the way), he went on the internet (you know, that place where you have no privacy anymore thanks to all things Homeland Security) and signed up for an e-whore house. He picked some runaway New Jersey girl who was “in the city for her music career.”

Right honey. Last I checked, there aren’t CD release parties just because you let a guy put his fist up your ass for four grand.

So anyway, the Governor decides to start shuffling money between accounts in large sums, drawing the attention of the IRS.  And it’s extra funny that Governor “no more hootinanny, there’s a new sheriff in town and I’m gonna clean up this state AND this city” is the one that can’t find a more creative way to bust a nut than to find a tramp on the internet.   You know, one he can take to a hotel IN MANHATTAN and have to sneak past his security detail in order to get his pecker wet.

A side note here.  What does it say about your security detail if you, the governor, can sneak past them to another room in someone else’s name that you paid for, in order to get a little?  These clowns are “protecting” the governor of one of the three biggest states in the US…a guy who had pretty big aspirations to change his address to a street that had 1600 in its range.

And again, he was willing to throw away marriage, family, career (current and future) all for this Paris Hilton / Lindsay Lohan wannabe.  Seriously…who elected this complete fucktard?

And now, we have a young woman who ran away from home and decided that selling her juice box to strangers for money by way of the internet was somehow less pathetic and retarded if  she did it on a website with a fancy name like The Emporer’s Club.

Hey honey.  I’ve got a website called The Golden Diamond Platinum Club.  Will you toss my salad for eight bucks and some string cheese?

And now, thanks to the media and our starfucker mentality, this life support system for a used up vagina is going to be famous.  Not John F. Kennedy famous or Martin Luther King Jr. famous.  More like William Hung famous or Lorena Bobbitt famous.  And I’m already tired of you.

So please.  For our sakes.  Please please please climb on to some guys joint who’s hitting 140mph an the New Jersey turnpike in his Ferarri and then you can both pile into a bridge abutment and give me some peace.

Oh, and one more thing.  Governor, you are beyond shameful and disgusting.  You sold the state of New York your “I’m up here and I want to get rid of everyone that’s down there,” and despite your efforts to end some crime, you ended up committing the crime that’s one of the oldest on the planet.  Actually the two oldest:  infidelity and whoredom.

Congrats.  You’re not only dumb.  You’re dumber than almost any of us.

p.s. Fuck you and stay off my television.