Here’s a story for ya:
I have many questions.
1) How does someone sit on a toilet for two years? If I stay in there for 30 minutes my ass, legs and feet go to sleep.
2) How many bathrooms did this place have? I mean, was this guy hammering beers and when he went to pee remembered his girlfriend was stuck to the toilet so he’d just pee in the tub or the sink?
3) Who was doing all of the cooking and cleaning during these two years?
4) If they wanted to have “relations,” did he just walk up, drop trau and let it happen? (I just finished Tucker Max’s book “I hope they serve beer in hell,” and he told a story of getting a smoothie whilst dropping the deuce).
5) What did she eat? I can’t comprehend eating or drinking anything while I’m on the can. I have friends that take coffee and / or cigarettes in with them, but I’ve never been able to do that.
6) Did she change clothes? I mean, not full outfits, but for Easter would should have someone bring her a nice dress, which she’d carefully place in a pile around her ankles? Or maybe at Christmas her boyfriend would bring her a Santa hat or something.
7) How exactly does one sit so still for so long that their skin grows around the toilet seat? I have to fidget more than a cat trying to get comfortable for a nap when I’m doing work. This chick couldn’t have been kept on the can against her will, right?
For holidays, did they bring the kids table into the bathroom and put three chairs on the other sides of the table and then serve everybody Thanksgiving dinner or something? Or did they just bring her a tv tray.
9) Did she watch any tv while she was in there? I find that time moves relatively slowly when I’m on the can. Wouldn’t you go crazy if you sat on the toilet with no mental or visual stimulus for a week or two, let alone two years?
10)It said in the story that her boyfriend would ask her to come out of the bathroom and she’d say “Maybe tomorrow?” What the hell? When 2doh is wiggling her fingers under the door whilst I poop, I implore her to give me “a few more minutes.” And this guy just took “Maybe tomorrow” as an answer and went about his day of masturbating and killing mexican hookers in the kitchen?
11)Who paid the bills? Was the government involved in supporting this lazy bitch? And if so, did her boyfriend forge her name on the disability checks or did she endorse them and assume he would deposit them correctly?
12)does anyone else want to see pictures of this place (without her of course)? I was shocked that this story didn’t include the phrases “Feral Cats,” “rooms full of rotting garbage” or “Last girlfriend’s dead body found in freezer.” These people should be studied, not prosecuted.
13)what does it say about people or your town when the local law enforcement’s response to this story is “”It really doesn’t surprise me,” What surprises me is somebody wasn’t called in a bit earlier.”?
Why wasn’t someone called a bit earlier!?!?!?!? If I’m a half hour late coming home from work or to my parents house or something, someone calls me. who outside of the house didn’t bother to wonder a single bit where this woman was for TWO YEARS?
Then again, maybe it was accidental. You know, like those really fat people that have to be saved by Geraldo Rivera or Richard Simmons, a crew of firemen, a flatbed tow truck and the jaws of life. Maybe after a weekend binge of beer, hot wings and all you can eat thai food, this chick went in the WC to really get herself right, and after a while she was just a little stuck, but then before she knew it, her fast growing skin had sealed itself to / around the toilet and then she was stuck, but she was so embarassed that she tried to play it off as nothing and her boyfriend, being mostly retarded or something just figured “Hey, as long as I bring her food and water, everything should be fine.”
Anybody else have any questions about this story?
I know! These are some of the same questions I have.
Seriously? That’s just… messed up. Either she was kept there against her will or she’s a looney tunes and wouldn’t get off. In that case, I would have called the men in white coats after the first 24 hours. Not 2 years.
They’re both screwed up.
Turns out she was only on the toilet for a month and in the john for 2 years, dosen’t maked it any less fucked up that’s for sure. I’m sure most of us also expected that this would be some ginormous typical trailer park girl, and in an interview with the sheriff turns out maybe she was 100 pounds soaking wet.