Functionally ReTodded

I’m gonna clear this up once and for all for even the dumbest of people, which is apparently everyone that gets paid to be on the news or write the news or cover sports or whatever.

Here’s the deal.  Every scandal doesn’t need a catchy name, and if it does, it absolutely DOESN’T require you to add –gate to the end of it.

The Patriots getting caught videotaping the Jets coaching staff early in the year immediately became known as “SpyGate.”  Hillary Clinton firing the entire travel office was called “TravelGate.”  Me getting caught pleasuring myself by screwing a knothole in a picket fence shouldn’t be called “MasturbateGate.”

You see years ago, in 1972 in the months leading up to the presidential election, some dumbshit named Richard Nixon ordered some other dumbshits to break into the the Democratic National Committee headquarters, which were headquartered at the Watergate Hotel complex.

THAT’s why it was called Watergate.  Because calling the scandal “The Watergate Hotel Complex Burglary” was too wordy.

But by today’s standards, every newsworthy and non-newsworthy event or conspiracy gets gate added to the end.  BabyGate.  TravelGate.  GilmoreGate.  SpyGate.

Using this logic, Watergate would have been called Watergategate. 

See?  Idiotic.So stop it.  All of you.