Functionally ReTodded

So this morning I’m ripping thru bloglines and reading my daily feeds of real news as well as celebrity news, and here’s what I learned:

People in Michigan don’t like Hillary.

Romney’s daddy name still carries a lot of weight in Michigan.

Matthew McKindagay is having a baby with his girlfriend Lance Armstrong  some Brazillian supermodel.

(By the way, is a Brazillian chick having a Brazillian as odd as a Chinese chick ordering Chinese food or better yet having a slanted and maybe even sideways vagina?)

Oh, and breathe heavy dot com has pictures of  our favorite insane and drug addled celebrity petrie dish:  Britney Spears.

It seems that Ms. Spears was at the local CVS or Rite Aid shopping for pregnancy tests.

God dammit.  If this loon shoots another human out of her babymaker, I think every person in the Department of Family and Child Services in LA county should be fired.

Seriously.  This whore apparently thinks she got knocked up by fucking a Paparazzi she barely knows in the midst of losing custody of her kids (possibly forever) because she couldn’t get her drunken ass to the courthouse for any of the hearings, and we as a society should let her have this child?

Shit.  They oughta use the new law Cali is trying to pass and prosecute her if the kid even has a stork bite on his or her forehead when it’s born.

This isn’t like that woman in Chicago who starved and killed her kids one after the other and stuck them in various bedrooms of her home after “falling thru the cracks in the system.”  This dumbshit is on television no less than two hours a day combined nationwide, and i’m sure it’s far more than that.

We just got finished seeing her removed from her home in an evening gown tied to a gurney after a stand-off with police while she was barricaded in her bathroom with one of her kids.  We just got pictures of her shopping for cars in her fucking wedding dress (also known as “outfit number three for the diamond stage for tonight’s show.”)  And now she could somehow, some way, fallen into what I am assuming is a vat of semen and gotten herself pregnant.

We all wait patiently for the outcome.  Maybe she and Jamie Lynn can give birth on the same day, or name their kids the same thing, or something equally retarded.

Fingers crossed everybody!