Functionally ReTodded

One of my favorite comedy routines by someone I can’t remember included this line about a bill collector coming to the person’s door seeking payment.

I thought of that yesterday for some reason, and it reminded me of one of the fond memories I have from college that didn’t involve groping strange chicks or beer.

This was the late 80’s, and was essentially before the time when the ATM was your everything. Auburn was a check town, meaning you could write a check for anything. Don’t believe me? Here are some of the many things I actually wrote checks for at college:

• McDonald’s (even at the drive thru)
• Baskin Robbins for a single scoop ofice cream.
• Guthrie’s (remind me to tell you about my forty seven dollar lunch)
• Class / test supplies in the book store, including my favorite check ever. I needed a scan sheet for a test. I wrote a check for seven cents. Oh, and that left me with three cents in my checking account.

My roommate and I (who were both so broke we couldn’t afford to pay attention), would frequently talk one another into skipping class instead of cleaning our place or studying in favor of a round of golf at the local course over in Opelika. (If you’re ever there, it’s called Indian Pines and it still rules).

Mind you, this was and still is, for the money, one of the best tracks around. At the time, it was six bucks to walk nine holes or eight bucks to walk eighteen. (I think it was twelve bucks to drive nine and sixteen to drive eighteen).

Well, Chris and I never had any money, but we always had checks.

With a straight face, we’d both walk up to the counter and look at the pro and wait for him to ask “So fellas, how many’s it gonna be today?”

We’d both say “18 please.”

Then he’d follow with “You walking, or would you like the cart?”

Straight faced again, we’d say in unison “We’ll take the cart.”

Then we’d both knowingly write a bad check and head out to the first tee whistling a happy tune. We talked about it often, but we both figured “Hey, if I’m gonna get busted for writing bad checks, I’m not gonna get busted while walkin’.”