I started this blog more as a writing exercise than anything. Then I used it to write about racing, leading me down the path to doing some semi-published racing stuff. Then I used it to rant about sports and first grade level politics (since I’m WAY too stupid for a person my age on the issues of the economy radical islamists taking over the western world, Bill O’Reilly being 150% full of shit, etc).
Then I spent a period writing with two things in mind:
a) try not to really hurt anyone’s feelings that I know.
2) make sure I write thinking “Will the seven people that read this be entertained?”
Well those are two pretty poor reasons to write. Not that I’m gonna go out looking to hurt people’s feelings like Homer did on his website sneaking around and telling everyone in towns’ secrets. But I’d like to get back to my free-form rant writing that made me happy and let a little steam off from time to time, all the while allowing me to continue believing that I am, in fact, superior to most people (I am by the way).
So in that vein, I will now discuss a few sporting items.
Watching the Yankees spend nearly 300 million in payroll and get waxed by the Indians was almost too joyous to imagine. Obviously, the best thing would have been for them to lay down and miss the playoffs altogether. Losing the division like they did was nice, but it could have been better.
Knowing that George Steinbrenner is sitting in a bathrobe somewhere crazy as a shithouse rat screaming at no one in particular about firing the manager that has taken the team to the post-season 12 straight times makes me giddy.
And for you Yankee fans that want Torre fired. That’s fine, but you get what you deserve. I always ask the following question when it comes to coaches and their terminations:
Who are you gonna get that’s better than who you have now?
So I ask you, oh kings of the fan bandwagon, who’s it gonna be? Mattingly? Please. He’d shit a moustache and sideburns under the pressure of managing in New York.
Are you gonna go out and hire Tony LaRussa? Lou Pinella? Willie Randolph?
Of course you aren’t. So sit down, shut up, and take it like the man you aren’t.
One more thing on the Yankees:
CLAP CLAP
CLAP CLAP CLAP
YEAR TWO THOUSAND!
Second up on the hit parade today, my beloved Red Sox. What happened? This team literally aged fifty years over the last three days and suddenly look old and, more importantly, tight.
The Indians are up 3-1 and look like the 2004 Sox, so I say it’s there’s to lose (obviously). I said that after game two as well though. I guess Sox fans will have to just remember how great it was in 2004 when they shut Joe Buck and Tim McCarver and John Mellencamp out of their collective consciousness until next spring.
And the one that matters most to me right now: Auburn at LSU Saturday night at 9pm.
Auburn lost to South Florida (WHO?!?) and that team is now number two in the nation. They lost to Mississippi State (WHO?!?) who is…well, Mississippi State.
But then Auburn went on the road and beat Florida (for the second year in a row) and Arkansas who, while they suck, still play tough at home and always give Auburn fits.
So we turn to Saturday night. Arguably the most hostile environment for visiting teams in all the land. This is like going into the Orange Bowl to play the Miami Hurriconvicts in the 80’s. Imagine over a hundred thousand cajuns spending twelve hours pregaming and getting hammered waiting to scare all the Auburn folks half to death.
Let’s break this down scientifically and see where we stand.
Quarterback: LSU could start Mia Hamm at quarterback and be better off than we are with Brandon Cox. I appreciate what Brandon’s done for Auburn, but he’s not the answer and he’s not the future. Though I will sing his praises if he wins. Advantage LSU
Running Back: tough call here. LSU has good backs, but Brad Lester has that intangible “something” that makes things happen. Advantage Auburn. Barely.
Tight End: Here’s another place that both schools always do well. LSU always has some white guy wearing number 47 and he just tears up the middle of the field. Our tight ends change numbers, but do much the same thing. Look to see Tommy Trott rumbling down the hash marks like a sped at least twice. Advantage none.
Wide receivers: Ugh. We’re not bad enough off here, but LSU gets back Early Ducette, by far their best wideout. Advantage LSU. Big time.
Defense: While Auburn is good and is always good, this LSU team is special. They have one of the best defenses I’ve seen in many years. Advantage: LSU
Special teams: The Bayou Bengals have never been great at special teams, and this is a part of the game that Auburn is traditionally very good at. Add in a kicker that’s a true freshman who has won two games on the road (and beat Florida TWICE in one night), and I’d say Auburn has a slight edge. Advantage Auburn
Coaching: While Les Miles is a great coach and Tuberville will never live down the “Mississippi Riverboat Gambler” moniker that haunts him worse than Bobby Lowder, he has turned into a shrewd and good tactician. Combine that with the fact that Miles is starting to crack under the pressure after losing to Kentucky (KENTUCKY? WTF??), and I think I’ll take Tuberville by a scoche. Advantage Auburn.
Intangibles: Noise, hearing about the earthquake game, the fire game, hopefully the four interceptions for touchdowns game, the weather, the crowd, preperation: I’ll give this to LSU.
I think we will lose. We should lose. Then again, we should have lost in Gainesville. Tuberville has a knack for getting his teams ready for big road games and there are none bigger than this one. Auburn is tied for the SEC West lead and controls their own destiny. A win Saturday puts them in the driver’s seat.
Auburn 13 - LSU 10.
War Eagle.
Oh, and Notre Dame lost again, bringing their record to an impressive 1-6. Their on the hook to pay their coach 40 million over ten years, and he might not live thru the season. He’s had gastric bypass that led to a lawsuit, he has a high stress job, and he’s fatter than ten Subway Jareds. They still have to play USC and Stanford (a team that BEAT USC AT HOME), so I look for this team to lose at least two more games making me the happiest I’ve been in the fall in a long time. I believe that my heart condition was discovered and corrected just so I could live long enough to point at Notre Dame people and laugh this year.
Well, and to be alive for the birth of my second child, etc.
What say you?