It’s nice to watch Mississippi State whip Kentucky’s ass, only because it makes our loss to MSU SLIGHTLY less painful.
It’s nice to also see that UGA has sunken to Florida’s level as it relates to discipline and personal fouls, although I hope Florida loses and has 47 people injured.
Okay, maybe not in the world. But GBD and I were watching the local news last night (which we seldom do since the anchors and the stories are mostly so farking stupid), and there was a story about a fella here in town who defrauded some folks out of around five or six million dollars.
Basically the deal is this. He built a housing development, sold everything based on a couple of nice models, then proceeded to build houses that were not up to code in egregious ways and plenty of other corners were cut as well.
So the story goes on to say that the guy got arrested and that this was at least his second time committing real estate / construction fraud.
But here’s the best part, and I literally scoured the internet looking for photographic evidence of this. One of the complaints the defrauded buyers had was the deck that was guaranteed to be built on to the house.
Here’s the funny part. The voice over on the story showed a very tight shot of the story telling guy on said deck, and as they’re zooming out he’s explaining how this Jeffery Teague fellow promised every house would have a deck. As they continue to pan, you see Randy Travis on said deck, and the deck has no stairs to the ground and is roughly two feet by two feet.
If you need to take a moment to draw that to see how funny a four square foot deck is, I can wait.
So last night, I’m in the midst of enjoying some garlic wings, cold beer and the tactical retardedness of this season’s survivor players, when my phone rings. It’s my mom. (just so’s you know, she reads my blog).
Me: What’s up?
Her: Who is uh VIT uh bull?
Me: Um…he’s kind of an internet friend.
Her: Have you met him?
Me: No, but I’ve seen him dance.
Her: What?
Me: Nevermind. He’s one of the funniest and most disturbing people i know or know of even. You could go to his site and see who he is.
Her: Really?
Me: Yeah. It’s avitable.com, but… (Oh dammit. Now the disclaimer). He’s funny in a twisted way ma. I mean, he’s a Duke Law grad, he owns his own business that doesn’t involve donkey porn (directly or that I know of), and he’s apparently pretty successful. But I better warn you. You are just as likely to read something funny and / or disturbing as you are to see a video of a guy screwing a boa constrictor, someone masturbating a dolphin, or worse.
Her: (silence).
Me: So…is dad watching the Sox game?
(Inside, I secretly hope she looked. If for no other reason than to see whether she had the restraint to avoid watching today’s little contribution to world of things that scar folks for life).
This last year more than any other, I’ve found myself overall pleased with what the networks and pseudo-networks (F/X) are airing.
All reality television aside (save Survivor) that is. I really can’t wait until next year or two years from now when the realization hits the networks that “Hey…Friends, Seinfeld and The Simpsons may not really be enough to maintain our syndication plans.”
Also, keep in mind that it is difficult to add new programming to our viewing rotation, even with today’s advanced DVR technologies. The think the Japs haven’t figured out how to make more available is time. I have three kids which, on a good weekday, allow me roughly two point five hours awake and allowed to choose what I want to do, watch and /or eat.
When you think about it, that’s really not much. And I also mean that is two point five hours on a GOOD day. That doesn’t include when I have to do my ten percent of the housework, feed / bathe kids, any work I might have to do for my job, etc.
As you can see, not only is my viewing list going to be small, but once I commit to a show, it’s difficult to get that pushed aside in favor of something new.
Anyway, to recap:
I currently view:
The Family Guy - usually on DVR after the wife’s asleep. Not that she doesn’t like it, but if she’s up, we’re watching something else.
Survivor, My Name Is Earl, The Office - This is now a household standard. Thursday night means Wild Wings take-out, no baths for the kids, and cold beers for the grown ups.
Some parts of various NASCAR programming (could be Busch racing, trucks, Cup, practice, qualifying, happy hour, news, the race, or whatever, but there’s always some of that).
Mike and Mike In The Morning (ESPN2 in HD) - this is my coffee viewing from six to seven am.
Shark’s not terrible, and I’ve actually found James Woods’ overacting to be extra entertaining at times.
FSN - I love my Saturday and Sunday morning English Premier League soccer. I don’t see entire games, but I can occasionally get five or ten minutes before one of the kids says “How come I NEVER get to watch MY shows?”
All Auburn Football games, Major league playoff games if I choose, The Masters, The US Open, The British Open, some Falcons games or important NFL games (part, never all), post season NFL games, NCAA Bowl Games, Thrashers games if there’s no conflict with her programming or if I’m alone.
Now that last paragraph sounds like a lot, but they are one time a year or short period events. They just look impressive all listed that way.
(What is sad is that’s not all of it, but it’s all of it enough that I just had to IM the old lady to ask what else I watch that she watches).
Over the past two seasons, I reluctantly started watching Damages and Rescue Me, and fell in like with both.
Despite my efforts to resist, I became a fan of HOUSE as well.
I have won the battle to no longer allow Desperate Housewives and that Ty Pennington build a house while crying show in my home. But
I have not won the battle to stop Cold Case from being recorded.
But the point of this entire post was, have any of you seen “Pushing Up Daisies” yet?
(No Avitable, I did not say “Pushing in Daisy” or “Pushing in Daisy’s stool” or “here’s a show about screwing a snake or giving a horse a hand job.”)
My wife really likes it and I really really hate it. Boobs aside (all the chicks are wearing miracle bras and low cut clothes, including that blonde mini me that played the republican hottie on “The West Wing”), the show makes me generally nervous, agitated and angry.
I am not fond of Daniel Stern-esque narrated shows, especially when the narrator isn’t one of the characters. This show is also too colorful and cartoony, sort of like the movie Beetlejuice was.
And before you say anything, I fucking hated that movie. Maybe more than any five Richard Gere movies combined. It was absolutely awful, not funny and stupid. And this show is like that coming back once a week.
I need some help.
So, what are your thoughts? What do you watch, not watch, etc?
One of my favorite comedy routines by someone I can’t remember included this line about a bill collector coming to the person’s door seeking payment.
I thought of that yesterday for some reason, and it reminded me of one of the fond memories I have from college that didn’t involve groping strange chicks or beer.
This was the late 80’s, and was essentially before the time when the ATM was your everything. Auburn was a check town, meaning you could write a check for anything. Don’t believe me? Here are some of the many things I actually wrote checks for at college:
My roommate and I (who were both so broke we couldn’t afford to pay attention), would frequently talk one another into skipping class instead of cleaning our place or studying in favor of a round of golf at the local course over in Opelika. (If you’re ever there, it’s called Indian Pines and it still rules).
Mind you, this was and still is, for the money, one of the best tracks around. At the time, it was six bucks to walk nine holes or eight bucks to walk eighteen. (I think it was twelve bucks to drive nine and sixteen to drive eighteen).
Well, Chris and I never had any money, but we always had checks.
With a straight face, we’d both walk up to the counter and look at the pro and wait for him to ask “So fellas, how many’s it gonna be today?”
We’d both say “18 please.”
Then he’d follow with “You walking, or would you like the cart?”
Straight faced again, we’d say in unison “We’ll take the cart.”
Then we’d both knowingly write a bad check and head out to the first tee whistling a happy tune. We talked about it often, but we both figured “Hey, if I’m gonna get busted for writing bad checks, I’m not gonna get busted while walkin’.”
What say you?