Functionally ReTodded

Gluttony thy name is Functionally ReTodded

Jesus H. Christ on a corn dog slathered with gravy covered with syrup, dipped in eight kinds of cheese, then battered and refried, and wrapped in a tortilla made out of pure lard. 

I never thought I would ever utter the phrase “Man, I really think I ate too much.  I bet I’d feel way better if I purged.”

Seriously. 

And don’t think you’re taking these words from some pussy who gets too full at Thanksgiving or who thinks two Krystal bergers and a medium fry is ample for dinner.  I have done some eating in my day, and in my hey day, I like to think I was one of the best not-sitting-at-a-picnic-table-at-the-fair-next-to-some-uber-fat-fucker-who-could-stuff-about-50-hotdogs-in-his-piehole.

So today when my wee co-worker asked me if I wanted to hit the five guys (after spreading myself thin today with not one but two chik-fil-a biscuits) and a project kicking me in the nads, I said “Sure dood.  Let’s go.”

So we headed out for the five guys.  If you don’t know what Five Guys is, check here.

**NEWSBREAK**

The chick on Survivor who is a religious Talk Radio Host and says “I’m Not RELIGIOUS!!” has just had a near breakdown for not having her bible, lest it save her.

Back to our regularly scheduled newscast.

So anyway, I got the bacon cheese dog and a small fry, and my buddy got a burger and fries.  When we were done, I literally wanted/needed to lay down.  I seriously thought I was going to re-enact the scene from the movie Alien and assplode right there in the parking lot.

You’ll be happy to know that I lived, and made it to Wild Wing Cafe to get wings for Survivor night!

Jesus, is this how getting old is going to punish me?