I can’t believe it! The two things I never thought would happen are finally happening! It’s like the seventh and eighth signs of the apocolypse.
Oh wait. It isn’t that at all.
In what appears to be a surprise to absolutely everyone, LA County’s DFACS un-mother of the year and repeat vajayjay flasher Tittney Spears will, in all likelihood, lose custody of her two Mensa candidates in favor of their rock solid parent of four and all around great wigger, Kevin “Car Wash” Federline.
Seriously folks. How fucked up do you have to be on a huge public stage for month after month after month for the most forgiving and celebrity coddling gubment officials in the free world to say “You know what? I think she’s just over the top. We gotta take them babies?”
This is the same part of the country that still lets Nick Nolte and Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie drive and has seen Tommy Lee successfully rehabilitated. They even found a way to acquit the guiltiest murder since Manson and company, Mr. OJ “Are YOU the real killers?” Simpson.
Which brings me to the second part of today’s OMG.
I know OJ isn’t rational or even sane given that he savagely murdered two people and nearly decapitated the mother of his children all while trampling around the crime scene, dragging a breadcrumb-like trail of evidence all the way back to his mother fucking bedroom, and then went with his personal fluffer to Mcdonald’s in a Bentley. Oh, and when he wasn’t committing murder in a ritzy suburban neighborhood, he was banging skinemax tramps and beating the shit out of the mother of his children over and over again.
And then there’s the fact that he could actually live with himself afterwards and be callous retarded enough to write a “fictional” book about the crimes called “If I did it.”
I wouldn’t hypothetically steal some beer from a Majik Market in high school and then stop by the police station and hand them a short story titled “How i got drunk for free by stealing beer from that guy a week ago Saturday.” And this guy thought saying “Umm…yeah…it’s you know…fictional,” would get him over on us idiots at home.
What I’m saying is that if I had gotten away with all of that, I’d probably make the decision to lay low for…I don’t know…ever!!
What I would NOT do is get a posse of fucktards armed with pistols and other weapons and then barge into a suite in a casino in Las Vegas (which from what I’ve read tend to be the most monitored and secure hotels in the country), wave a gun, scream obscenities and try to recover a game-worn jockstrap or three from my glory days as the man’s house boy back at USC.
But not OJ. He’s a man. And men have to make shit right, whether that means committing five felonies to get some jersey’s back from a “Memorabilia dealer” or killing the young white waiter that’s giving it to your old lady and getting handjobs while driving the Ferrari you bought for that ungrateful bitch.
And because he so publically fled last time he was accused guilty of a felony, the Vegas system has said “Um OJ…thanks just the same, but I don’t think we’re gonna grant you bail right now.
I only hope that Fred Goldman had kind of seen something like this coming and now he was meeting with various Aryan, Mexican and Black gangs in LA that have dudes in the cook county jail and discussing pricing options for things ranging from biting off OJ’s fingers to stuffing a football up his ass to tying him up in the laundry and killing him over a five week period of captivity.
Happy Twosday everybody!
What say you?