Different Questions Survey
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Answers the questions below
1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh? Would I? I do that every day
2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex? Off. Sweet jebus. Who leaves the lights on?
3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences? No. I judge people on many things. That’s just one of them.
4. If you could ‘take back’ your virginity from your first partner, would you? No. That’s a story that is TOTALLY worth the baggage.
5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with an ex for financial reasons? If it was Melinda Gates, yes. Otherwise, not likely.
6. Do you need to know everything about someone’s past? Did you say ASS or PAST?
7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world? It’s more worthwhile to drink beer and play pool in your newly finished basement.
8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life? yes. It’s hey dumbass.
9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a “higher level”? Only if someone’s yelling at you from upstairs.
10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can’t really talk to? I’d rather have a fortress of solitude.
11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection? Besides mine? That’s s stupid question. That’s like asking which I prefer: chocolate or tuesdays?
12. Should a child who’s caught masturbating be punished? Yes. They should be forced to masturbate fifty times. Unless they’re at the mall. That’s just hilarious.
13. Do you like kissing in public? I think pubic kissing is okay if you’re married, but otherwise, no. I don’t like pubic kissing.
14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship? I think my next relationship will involve someone that’s into necrophelia. Besides Robert.
15. Did America really put a man on the moon? No. A rocket did. America just laid there doing jack shit.
16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you? Like I always say “A weak old lady or a week old baby. It makes no difference to me.”
17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy? Being superior to others.
18. How well do you handle criticism? If I’m flinging it like poo at others, fine. If it’s inbound, not so well.
19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you? Pure as in what? Like soap? Cocaine? What does that even mean?
20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people? Only about myself.
21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women? Never. Not in a bojillion hears.
22. You’ve just met someone incredible while out with friends, and (s)he’s been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long would you wait to call? I’d wait until she stopped vomiting on me, that’s for sure.
23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer? Sure. I also think it’s okay to stone someone for stealing your goat.
24. Would you have a ‘Happy Button’ installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it? I already have one. It’s called my taint.
25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised? Surprised like “No…I really DO love giving blowjobs!” or “Hey, I didn’t know you had a cock!”
26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion? yes. Always.
27. What is sexiest on a woman or a man? their tits.
28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life? I’d rather be sailing.
29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? sure. As long as my penis is the only penis in the room and no one’s trying to shove anything up my ass.
30. Should your mate also become your best friend? It’s certainly cheaper and easier.
31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced? She could be a virgin, as long as she could cook and gave great head. And liked yardwork.
32. Have you ever had a true one-night stand? Oh no. Never.
33. Have you ever posed as a nude model? Yes. I’ve also posed as a superhero, a cop, and a tree.
34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things? Shut up. That’s retarded.
35. Is it better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? that depends. I’ll let you decide.
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Sixty Stinkin Questions
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1. Where did your last kiss take place? On my penis
2. Who knows a secret or two about you? my penis
3. Four words to explain why you last threw up? Tequila. From. The. Bottle.
4. Have you ever burned yourself? many times.
5. What’s crazy to you? my mad rapping skills.
6. Favorite cuss word: Either Jesus tits Motherfucker.
7. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? My wife.
8. Who is your hero? jesus.
9. Would you ever want to be a supermodel? So I’d be smoking hot AND have a vagina? Hell yes.
10. Who is the most experimental person you know? I don’t even know what that means.
11. Do you tell white lies? Nope. Only black ones. Well, and some tan ones.
12. When is your next party? it’s in my pants right now and you’re invited.
13. Who do you want to be with right now? Alyssa Milano’s bra
14 Do you scratch when and where you want to scratch? Always.
15. How do you handle a break up? Easy. I just don’t show up for the next conjugal visit.
16. Your motivation for tomorrow? Not dying today.
17. Do you know what you will wear tomorrow? Besides a cockring, flip flops and a viking hat? Not really, no.
18. Last person to make you laugh? GBD
19. Last thing you ate? turkey swiss and mustard on an everything bagel. I’ve had two of those today so far.
20. Do u ever go a few days without changing your underwear? Who wears underwear anymore?
21. Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect? No, but I’ve eaten a clam on purpose.
22. Do daddy long legs freak you out? No, but uncle dragonpenis does.
23. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit? Of course. where do you think brunswick stew comes from?
24. Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it? The question is, have I ever dropped food on the floor and NOT eaten it.
25. Do you kiss your pets on the mouth? yes. And other places. See, if you just put a little peanut butter “down there,” you barely notice the taste.
26. Do you talk baby talk? no.
27. What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Tori Spelling.
28. Do you watch court tv? No.
29. Would you ever work in a retirement home? Only if it was the retired hot models under 30 that put out to strangers home.
30. Do you believe plants have feelings? No, but those gay hippie potsmokers do.
31. Do you laugh at people with “bowl” haircuts? I laugh at nearly everyone, regardless of how they’re coiffed.
32. Do you have nervous twitches? yes.
33. Are you ever purposely irritating? Did you just start reading this?
34. If you could fly, where would you go first? over wherever hot chicks are sunning topless.
35. Do you prefer boats or planes? Why not both. They have those you know?
36. Love or lust? how about tolerust?
37. One best friend or 10 aquaintances? One best friend. I can’t even remember 10 peoples’ names.
38. Favorite food? I’m not answering this again.
39. Do you believe that your first love never dies? No. Your first love dies. Especially when you hit it over the head with a shovel while it’s sitting chained in your basement.
40. What upcoming event are you waiting and ready for? snapping off a handbean. Or cooley’s pizza. either one.
41. Current smell? Eggy.
42. Do you get your nails done? No, but I get my anus bleached.
43. Most favorite person? The guy that’s finishing my basement.
44. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald’s? I ordered that foreign bitch to bring me the unfuckingsweet tea that I fucking ordered!
45. Are you an emotional person? No. Why do you ask?
46. Do you like your name? Not really. It’s better than Cock Assrammer but not as good as Rush Blitzer or Buck Naked
47. Do you have plans this weekend? Always. But I’m not telling you, you nosey fucker.
48. Do you work? I go to work. is that the same?
49. Do you dance naked in your room? I don’t dance. But I do play my xbox naked.
50. When did your last relationship end? When she said I do.
51. What are you listening to right now? The voices that don’t stop even when I sleep.
52. Biggest fear? Shitting my pants. Again.
53. How long have you been a part of myspace? a year maybe.
54. Favorite place to be? I can’t answer this. I’ve got tons of them.
55. What are you wearing right now? I told you already. A cockring, flip flops and a viking hat. Oh, and a pink ascot.
56. Are your toes painted? Of course.
57. Does anyone hate you? Sure. Name someone.
58. How many people do you trust fully? Two.
59. Did you have fun doing this? Not really. But it beat having to take a shit in a public restroom and having the seat break and sever my penis.
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A-Z Survey
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Answer each letters question
A - Available? No
B - Best Friend(s)? MadSapper
C - CRUSH? dead
D - DOGS NAME? ain’t got one
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO? me
F - Favorite Food? a prime ribeye
G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS? both are crap
H - HOMETOWN? Anoka, MN
I - IF YOU COULD MOVE WOULD YOU? no
J - JOB? unfortunately yes.
K - KIDS? many
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE? 27 hours (atlanta to alberta, MN)
M - MILK FLAVOR? Is white a flavor?
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS? one
O - ONE WISH? abajilliondollarslose40poundsbecomeascratchgolferandbeabletoplayguitar
P - PHOBIA(S)? clowns. using a public toilet seat. a toilet seat slicing off my penis. a public toilet seats slicing off my penis.
Q - FAVORITE QUOTE? I was looking for a better job when I found this one.
R - REASON TO SMILE? GBD
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD? the chicken dance
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP? 5:30am
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME? I am a ninja, and I have weapons in my pants.
V - VEGETABLES YOU LOVE? please.
W - WORST HABIT? Being totally awesome and right all the time.
X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD? lungs, head, wrist, ankles, back, hands
Y - YOUR MOM? both are awesome
Z - ZODIAC SIGN? Cancer but maybe it should be myocardial infarction
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What say you?