2006 June 09 archive at Functionally ReTodded

Archive for June 9th, 2006

Jun

Another one of those get to know you thingies

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(I was remiss by not mentioning that I got this from my internets friend Ethel).

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Right now I’d say either Hilton Head or outside of Boston.

2. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING? Cargo shorts and t-shirts. Oh, and my smarmy ass Auburn hat.

3. THE LAST CDs YOU BOUGHT? an LA Guns / Cinderella compilation and Big Head Todd and the Monsters Live

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Between 5am and 5:15am. Not counting the middle of the night feedings and / or ninja visits.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? The disposal. It’s magical.

6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Guitar.

7. FAVORITE COLOR? Blue

8. WHICH VEHICLE DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR, MOTORCYCLE, OR SUV? SUV for sure. (Much to JohnnyBud7’s chagrin).

9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE? No.

10. FAVORITE CHILDREN’S BOOK? The Monster At The End Of This Book (A Grover special).

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Spring.

12. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT? I don’t have one, but I have always wanted one. The wife’s foot did the talking on that one.

13. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Invisibility. Holy crap would that be awesome.

14. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Yes. I can spin just about anything on any finger too.

15. ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO? This is like the four people you’d like to have dinner with. I think Ted Williams, Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin and Johnny Cash.

16. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? A laptop computer

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY? Friday.

18. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? Sushi I think.

19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Calla Lily.

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL? Ribeye, garlic mashed potatoes, my wife’s green beans and an oreo cheesecake for dessert. However, since my surgery, i will only eat two of those things. Unless it’s a special occasion.

21. DESCRIBE YOUR PJS. My boxers or a pair of athletic shorts.

22. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST? Then? The Uncle Henry at Cracker Barrel. Now, I like the healthy cracker barrel breakfast of oatmeal w/ brown sugar, a muffin, two scrambled egg beaters with cheese, and a banana.

23. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB? I like my job. I love my company. I hate working.

24. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB? Writer.

25. WHAT AGE DO YOU PLAN TO RETIRE? You must be kidding. My second kid can’t even sit up yet. I’ll retire when I win the lottery.

26. WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? High School. In the gym. She was on yearbook committee and I was taking advanced PE or was a teachers aide or something during that time.

27. SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE. Go to Ireland and Norway.

Jun

Bad joke friday

By Functionally ReTodded 1 Comment

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As my blogging friend Ethel said, “It’s bad joke Friday! Play along!”

So I will.

There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, “Have you any last requests?”

The man replied, “Yes, I’d like an unripe green banana, please.”

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

“Are you ready?” they asked.

“Yes,” he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, “Have you any last requests?”

The man replied, “Yes, I’d like an unripe green banana, please.”

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

“Are you ready?” they asked.

“Yes,” he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.

They brought the man back and asked, “Have you any last requests?”

The man replied, “Yes, I’d like an unripe green banana, please.”

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

“Are you ready?” they asked.

“Yes,” he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.

Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, “Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?”

“No,” he replied, “I’ve just always been a bad conductor.”

Jun

Notes from Julie, your cruise director

By Functionally ReTodded 1 Comment

Categories: Uncategorized

This weekend will be chock ass full of activity at Casa de TMLSB. Tonight is steak on a paper plate night, but not before I get some trees cut back around the site of our latest addition:

The Horseshoe Pit.

CampCashion is coming over Sunday to help (who am I kidding? He’s doing the work and I will be his beer bitch) install the new pit which should provide hours of summertime fun.

Saturday morning will see me at the Home Depot buying supplies for said horseshoe pit and then running home in time to get 1Doh to soccer at 11am.

After that, it’ll be laundry and some time at the pool.

Then, hopefully meemee will show up mid-afternoon as she is babysitting the kids while we go with the BIL and SIL and two of our neighbors to Lake Lanier for a boat ride, dinner, many cocktails and another boatride back. UnkTodd has graciously volunteered to be our sober captain and to make sure we all stay “well hydrated.”

I love that man.

Sunday morning around 10am, CampCashion will be over to install the pit, which will be followed by a yard mowing, shoe tossing and beer drinking, and then Mrs. Camp Cashion will be over with the girls after naptime to adjust TMLSB’s folicles.

Oh, and I’ll be tracking my UPS shipment from New York to see when my new camera will be here. Right now it’s on a truck and is scheduled for a Monday arrival. I may have to take a half day just for that. Also, is it wrong if I put the girls to bed at 5:15pm Monday so I have maximum time to play with it on day one.

Of course, It’ll need to charge that day, so all I’ll be doing is looking at it, but still. That’s gonna rock!!