Functionally ReTodded

Everyone that’s got a blog has done this already I think. Well, everyone but me. Anyway, here’s my effort. I hope you learn something from it. There will be a test later.

1) I hate needles and shots and anything about needles and shots.
2) I fainted while giving blood for my marriage license.
3) I don’t know what I want to do for a living.
4) I love 80’s hair bands.
5) I am very protective.
6) I can hold a grudge longer than almost anyone I know.
7) I am very very competitive.
I actually believe that I will win the lottery, and I’m not talking some scratch-off ticket. I believe in my heart of hearts that I will hit it for a big multi-million dollar prize.
9) I am very conscious of what people think of me.
10) I love to be the center of attention.
11) Despite number ten, I am very, VERY uncomfortable speaking in front of people.
12) I hate having Happy Birthday sung to me by anyone except my daughter.
13) I believe in God.
14) I don’t believe in organized religion.
15) I sort of believe that God saved my life last year so that I would become more conflicted about my disbelief in organized religion.
16) I would go to church if you didn’t have to sing.
17) I just realized that getting to 100 of these things is going to be hard as shit.
18) I worry about one set of parents feelings when they know I’m with the other set of parents.
19) I love all things Auburn.
20) I didn’t graduate from college but feel that I got 99% of the benefit of the college experience.
21) I feel very guilty about not graduating from college and wish I could go back and right that.
22) I don’t have many friends, and that’s intentional.
23) I didn’t want to have kids.
24) I can’t imagine not having kids.
25) I worried that something would be wrong with 1Doh every day my wife was pregnant with her.
26) I didn’t worry once that something would be wrong with 2Doh.
27) I have an addictive personality.
28) I wrote weekly NASCAR columns for several websites for over three years.
29) I turned down an actual writing job for a network that would have allowed me to follow the NASCAR circuit for about 20 weeks a year.
30) I haven’t written a column about NASCAR since that day.
31) I love blogging.
32) I have made friends over the internet.
33) I have two large Big Green Eggs
34) I am always reading something.
35) I carry whatever book I’m reading with me wherever I go.
36) I smoked for over 20 years.
37) I quit cold turkey on January 21st, 2002.
38) I am not as close to my brother as I’d like to be.
39) I check Jayski about 20 times a day.
40) I have been on Lexapro since the birth of my second child and my surgery.
41) Oh, I had cardiac bypass surgery in November of 2005.
42) I feel guilty that our medical insurance premiums went up 25% this year based almost solely on said cardiac bypass surgery.
43) I have done a poor job of being a good friend to some longtime friends.
44) I am currently trying to make up for number 43.
45) I don’t always fight fair.
46) I love to cook and am pretty good at it.
47) My IQ is over 135.
48) I graduated high school with a 2.5 GPA.
49) I miss playing competitive darts.
50) I have been in a bowling league.
51) I am honored to be friends with a veteran of the 82nd Airborne.
52) I frequently envy other people.
53) I believe that the pun is the lowest form of comedy.
54) I didn’t start drinking coffee until about two weeks ago.
55) I will be 38 years old on July 3rd.
56) I love my birthday more than any adult I know.
57) I sometimes wonder why my wife is with me.
58) I believe in the Fair Tax
59) I think both political parties are full of horseshit.
60) I swear way too much.
61) I am very aware of number 60 and NEVER swear in front of my children.
62) I wear a medic-alert bracelet that says “Difficult Airway: Fiberoptic intubation required.”
63) I am artistically retarded.
64) I want to be a competent photographer.
65) I know every zip code in the metro Atlanta area.
66) I am VERY opinionated.
67) I am an idiot when it comes to home repair and all things having to do with tools.
68) I love horrific reality shows like The Surreal Life, Celebrity Fit Club and Supergroup.
69) I am terrible about closing drawers. Any drawers.
70) I think porn is okay.
71) I’ve never watched or looked at porn with my wife.
72) Politically speaking, I am a moderate socially but conservative fiscally.
73) I wish I could play the guitar.
74) I have wanted to get a tattoo since college.
75) I am frequently guilty of road rage.
76) I have a deviated septum.
77) I have Psoriasis and am very self conscious about it.
78) I think about death too much.
79) I don’t like to let other people drive when I’m in the car. Unless it’s my wife.
80) I am allergic to basically all things fauna and flora.
81) I love dogs and hate cats.
82) I was molested by a babysitter when I was six years old.
83) I am in the process of building my own webpage and moving my blog there.
84) Of all the things I miss eating since my surgery, I miss buffets the most. Any buffet.
85) I love seafood and if the menu has the word PLATTER on it, that’s what I’m ordering.
86) I love nearly all sports. Except the NBA.
87) I think Bud Selig is the man that will be held responsible for killing baseball.
88) Boston is my favorite city that I’ve visited.
89) I cry every time I see Field of Dreams or Rudy.
90) I sing in the car. LOUDLY.
91) I am sorry I spent so long being an asshole to one parent and holding a grudge against another
92) I don’t know nearly enough about politics, especially local politics, as I should.
93) I am a pack-rat and I hate the fact that I am a packrat.
94) I love my XBox and cannot wait to get an XBox 360 AND a PS3 in the future.
95) I have little to no impulse control when it comes to buying things. See #94.
96) I need to spend more time pulling weeds. But just a little bit more.
97) I married the girl that I took to my senior prom.
98) I wish we had traveled more when we were dinks.
99) I wish we’d have had children sooner, even though there was no way I was ready for them before now.
100) I got arrested for stealing my own bicycle in college.

I’m fond of rednecks and especially of making fun of them.

I have recently enjoyed the trend of kids wearing a dumbass tuxedo / dress combo, whether that be the rebel flag, matching NBA jerseys, etc.

This however, takes the cake:

(courtesy: www.boortz.com)