Functionally ReTodded

So, as we start, we get the cute little rehash for 8 minute of what the season showed us. Blah blah blah. What matters is that Ray and Yolonda, Eric and Jeremy (the horn dogs) and the two hippies are in the final for the million bucks.

Here are some review comments (remember, I’m having beers while doing this):

I am loving the rehash of the annoying sisters having fits over the stick shift.

Wanda’s freaking out in the pool is laughable in this day and age.

Lake and Michele were fucktards. And any guy that talks to his old lady like that deserves to get his shit kicked in.

I will miss Monica calling everything “the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

Dave and Lori’s nerds rule, well, ruled.

I should drive to wherever Lake is and kick his ass. Asshole.

While Ray and Yolanda are getting along now, they were dicks to each other and deserve nothing.

Fran and Barry were the best old folks ever on this show.

I was sad to see Monica’s boobies go, but they weren’t worth it on their own.

(Gotta get a beer now).

Or not. Stupid non-commercial breaks.

Eric is premature balding and I laugh at him.

Hippies are first and heading for a special elephant with a sidekick phone.

Eric and Jeremy are second off and Eric is still wearing that faggoty tuxedo t-shirt.

Ray and Yolonda are third up and are in no danger of falling behind given the 4am opening. (crying baby. brb).

Hippies first and they’re going to japan (sorry. I just missed some having to pee and all).

Did I mis-hear that or do the hippies speak Japanese? Holy crap!! Too bad it’s not the last leg instead of the second. BTW, when is the first commercial? I need a beer!

And now the hippies aren’t making the first flight!! Duh duh DUH!!

Alright now. This is tiring. I think I will comment on what matters (to me) as we go forward. Please stay with this. It’s a two-hour show.

I like the two dorks saying “we’re not far from the million dollars now,” and we’re 22 minutes into a 2 hour show. I hope they get syphallis.

Did anyone else notice that, in the background, they were playing “Turning Japanese” by The Vapors? Awesomely inappropriate.

I just keep waiting to hear “Can anybody understand the words coming out of my mouth?!?!?!?!” Courtesy of Chris Tucker.

And I hop ethe “maiden” for the dorks has a penis.

Thank God. A commercial.

R and Y will fall behind toting the hot chick.

The hippies are moving along nicely and right on the asshole’s tails.

I don’t know about you, but I think I would dig the capsule hotel. That’d be a cool way to sleep for a day or two.

The frat boy that saw Mt. Fuji and said “Hey look!!! Mt. Tokyo!!” should be castrated. idiot.

I like that the ticket guy spoke Engrish to R and Y, and Ray STILL didn’t get it. Nice.

HOORAY for the hippies winning this leg with three years of free sidkick service.

Hooray for the hippies beating the frat boys. Dorks.

R and Y are without any money or anything else, but I’m betting they’re in second or better. My money’s still on the hippies, especially when the frat boys give in to their homo-erotic desires and star in underage gay asian porn. (Can you imagine if some perv was Googling underage gay asian porn and found my blog? That’d rule!!)

Hippies off to Alaska for the final leg, followed by fratties and R and Y.

And the hippies left 2000 yen for R and Y which is way cool. Good people, them hippies.

Oh, and devious hippies are way better than generous hippies. I hope the frat boys choke. AHHH!!! The clerk lied for the hippies. BURN!!

I just noticed that BJ and Tyler are listed as “Best friends,” while Eric and Jeremy are listed as “friends.” What the fuck is up with that?

(Sorry I’m not talking more about this. I’m torn between watching and fantasizing about the Macaroni Grill dinner GBD is bringing me sometime in the next 45 minutes. In the last 6 months I’ve learned a lot about diet and nutrition, and one thing I know for sure is that the only thing better than five beers for dinner is pasta at 10pm after five beers for dinner).

And now, with 40 minutes to go, all three teams are tied and ready to run. In the snow and cold. In Alaska. Thumbs up!!

The tension is already palpable, and there’s still almost 38 minutes to go.

Screw the airplane trip. Drill some holes and make the cabin work. Navigating by air is fucked.

And finally the pot smoking caught up with the hippies as they repeated ran by the snow shoes like the old couple running by every single outdoor marker they saw…or didn’t see.

Crap.

Now it’s off to Denver and if anyone remembers Miami a season or two ago, nothing is decided until the final city. Period.

Burn!!! Hippie smarts ask the cabbie for a cell phone to call the airlines. There’s still a hippie chance. WOOT!!!

They’re all three gonna make the same flight. It’s gonna be a nuts out race at the end.

Oh, and I love Ray stealing the line from Wesley Snipes when he said “Bet on black!!”

They all think Red Rocks Park is the finish, and it isn’t. There’s another foot leg I’m guessing that will (hopefully) screw the frat boys.

Man, am I hungry. The wife’s minutes away and I REALLY want some pasta with shrimp and chicken!! Sorry. Back to the action where everyone is leaning forward in their cars.

And this roadblock may very well decide the whole thing.

Sweet!! A contest of smarts. These frat boys will never EVER get this right.

Holy crap!! Their all fucking up. Imagine if R and Y can remember the flags, they can STILL win!!

WOOT!! Hippies win and frat dorks lose!!! YES!!