Functionally ReTodded

After literally weeks of trying to get all of the pictures off of my cell phone, I finally finished the job and thought I’d spend some of Friday posting some pictures to keep my family members up to date.

If you don’t want to look at pictures today, please feel free to go somewhere else for a while. It won’t hurt my feelings.

Here’s a picture of Dora and Boots that 1.0 drew from memory yesterday.

Here’s one of Lauren and Sophia at Lauren’s birthday breakfast at Waffle House on Sunday.

This one is Lauren catching Georgia snow flurry flakes. Well, not really catching them. More like running around with her tongue out and me praying she doesn’t fall down and bite the thing clean off.

Here is Lauren on the Chuck E. Cheese one token ride called “around the clock three times at a really slow speed.” The only reason it was fun is that every time she got to the top she yelled “HELLO DOWN THERE!!!” When she did that, I had to reply “HELLO UP THERE!!!”

Good times.

And this one should get DFACS called. Well, maybe covering her eyes will protect me. Let it be known that I didn’t give 1.0 the idea to do this, nor did anyone else. No one showed her how to do it either. Apparently every kid does this when they pick up bottle tops.

(Maybe Anheuser Busch would like to use her in the first Bud Select commercials!!)

Last night was no workout night. I got tired of fighting dinner and the need to watch “Survivor” on Thursdays, so now Thursday is my off-day.

We decided to get Mexican food for dinner last night and headed (with our across the street neighbors) the the dive-like Mexican place next to the Waffle House in the Goodwill store’s parking lot. THAT should tell you something.

And it was awesome, as usual. Great salsa and cheese dip, fresh chips, a fantastic number eleven plus my wife’s leftover nachos. As UnkTodd said “we’re eating like we’re on death row.”

But as we sat I watched, simply astounded, at the amount of chips and cheese dip my daughter was consuming. One after the other after the other, she reminded me of one of those pacific northwestern tree shredders. I asked / told the wife that I thought 1.0 was eating too much crap and should save some room for dinner…shouldn’t she??

The time came to order her dinner and we went thru the usual conversation about what to get for her. 1.0 usually gets a taco or a cheese quesadilla. Tonight though, the wife says “How about cheese nachos?”

I replied “But babe…that’s all she’s had since she got here: a bushel of cheese dip and nachos.”

The wife countered with “But she’s eating, isn’t she? Who cares? If she doesn’t eat it (unlikely), we’ll order her something else.”

I replied “Well, I guess it’s okay. I mean, cheese nachos is just a quesadilla in a fried rather than pan cooked tortilla and cut up with cheese to dip it in rather than having the cheese on the inside. We’re really arguing semantics…aren’t we?”

And so the urchin had the meal of her dreams: An appetizer of chips and cheese dip, a dinner of cheese nachos and coke, and getting to sit next to Nick and across from Jack.

Both urchins were down by 8pm and 1.0 didn’t make any ninja appearances throughout the night. 2.0 slept until 5:15am, took a bottle and went to sleep in our bed right where I had been. The wife thought she felt cold. I just thought she looked cute.

More to come today as I hope that work will stop interfering with my inherent need to screw off, especially on a Friday.

Shalom everybody!!

Sometimes my being tired produces some decent material. We’ll see if that trend continues.

This morning however, I’d like to tell you the story of the Ungrateful Landlord.

September I will celebrate my eighth anniversary working at this company. I’m very happy about that. I love my company and (most of the time) I like my job, and those are usually two difficult things to achieve at the same time.

My company has been a tenant in this building for over ten years now as well.

Anyway, about two years ago, after being (more or less) the only tenant in our four story building for almost six years, we were informed that a new company was moving into our building. They would be taking the 3rd and 4th floors and part of the 1st, leaving us as the second floor’s only tenant.

Then, our company sold off a (rather large) division that saw us split the second floor in half. Shortly thereafter, the sold off division was approached about relocating (at the new company’s expense) and they agreed to leave, giving the new company half of our floor as well. This was all fine and good too.

Until they moved into the building and started invading our space.

By the way, this “arrival” brought to light a glaring problem. Our building had room for about 350 employees and only about 275-300 cars. Now parking was at an absolute premium for the mortal folk. I arrive between 5:45am and 6:15am, so I NEVER have a parking problem).

These people acted (and still do act) like this place is a bus station. I can’t tell you how many times I go to take a squirt and find that both urinals are unflushed and there’s piss all over the floor. The patio is now full of folks that get paid for full days but only work half days thanks to the generous placement of ashtrays outside. Oh, and don’t let me forget the drive by shittings. You know, when a person that doesn’t work on your floor comes up (or down) to use YOUR bathroom to leave their particularly offensive deposit, rendering your hallways and lobby uninhabitable for quite some time.

But even through all of that, I was fine. Through clenched teeth, I soldiered on.

Until “The Memo.”

I won’t post from the memo directly (primarily because I deleted it out of anger). But the memo more or less said this:

Landlord has decided to designate ten parking spaces in the front row of the parking lot as “RESERVED” for (insert new company’s name here). These spots will be marked “RESERVED” and shall be available for use only to employees of (insert new company’s name here). Anyone parking in these spots that is NOT an employee of (insert company name here) will be subject to having their vehicle towed at the owners expense.

Thank you for your understanding and welcome (insert new company’s name here).

Now, if you’ve known me for even five seconds, you know this memo went over like a turd in a punchbowl with me. We’ve paid our rent and been their sole tenant for over ten years, and before these new urine-impaired shit-stains are even here long enough for their first rent check to clear, they’re getting ten free “saved” parking spaces? And if there’s no other spots in the lot except one of those, I will be forced to park half a mile away and walk back instead of parking there?

Two words: Fuck no.

Two more words: Fuck you.

A friend that works for the landlord asked me how I felt about the new parking “arrangement.” I expressed to him calmly and clearly that I would park in any of those spots if I needed or wanted to do so, and if the landlord laid a finger on my car, let alone towed it, I’d be so far up their ass about it that they’d wish that they had killed me and buried me UNDER the car.

He snickered and said “well, just be careful about it. I’d hate to see your car get towed.”

Here’s me being careful about it:

And I may do this every day on purpose just because I find it irksome that a company can cash ten years of your rent checks and not throw you so much as a basket of stale muffins, but the new johnny come latelies get handed the keys to the proverbial kingdom.

More on this developing story to come…