Functionally ReTodded

To fill the back story a bit, after our recent frequent ninja attacks, the wife and I sort of formulated a plan and then she made it better once I was off the phone. We explained to 1.0 that if she needed to go to the bathroom at night, it was fine to get up and do that and go back to bed. If she was sick or not feeling well, she could come into our room. If she just woke up for no reason, she was free to read a book for a few minutes and then go back to sleep.

And if she did these things, she’d get to stay up ten extra minutes the next night.

Now, I know that doesn’t seem like much, but when you’re not even four yet, “stay up….later” is all you hear. She wouldn’t know 10 seconds from 10 minutes from 10 hours. 10 of anything is her counting to 10 and saying “That was 10 (whatevers).”

Last night, about a half hour after 2.0’s feeding at 2:30am, 1.0 was nose to nose with me. As soon as I opened my eyes, she held up a tissue and asked me to help her blow her nose, and then she bolted back to her room.

I headed down there with a smile on my face, helped her blow her nose several times, gave her some dimatapp (she’s got either bad allergies or a cold, but I’m not letting some congestion foul up a great night’s sleep), and put her back to bed.

I’m very proud of my over-worked and over-burdened wife. I’m proud of my narcoleptic and suddenly insomniacal daughter.

It’s gonna be a good day.

Not the stupid-ass roadside advertising ninja mentioned here, but the ninja that is my almost four-year-old daughter.

Last night set a new high, or low, depending upon how you look at it.

We finally got urchin 2.0 to be asleep by around 9:15pm. This was after a good hour and change at the playground / tennis courts / sand volleyball area in the neighborhood commons. 2.0 got held by plenty of interested parties and 1.0 got uninterrupted, outdoor play and funtime. Who could ask for more in the way of wearing children out on a Wednesday night?

Apparently, we could.

Our first ninja visit came a little after 2:30am while I was feeding Sophia. I must mention that this was after the two “get up and out of bed right after we go to bed to complain about hunger/thirst/the door to her room not being ajar enough” efforts, because those just happen every night.

Anywho, we advised Ninja Lauren to go back to bed.

That lasted until 3:00am, and I got yet another wake up visit.

Back to bed she went until 3:30am, when she was again concerned about how much her door was open.

Then, for the third time in seven days, she came bolting in the second after my alarm went off for work.

“WHAT WAS THAT DADDY?!?!?!? WHAT WAS THAT SOUND?!?!!?”

Baby, it’s still the alarm. the same one that has gone off five days a week at 5:18am since we moved here over two years ago. Now, for the last time, GO BACK TO BED!!!

She did, complained about the door aperture some more, and then I caught a shower and left for work.

I’ll tell you this, she’s not getting Sprite with her Zaxby’s at 7pm ever ever again. As a matter of fact, this child may have lost her “soft drink of any kind after noon” priveledges until college.

I only hope the wife has a better day today, especially between Betty grunts and moans and her older sidekick, the perpetually “I’m bored/hungry/thirsty” girl.

God, am I glad I’m at work….

I’ve been reading the blogs of various folks for entertainment recently, and they’ve led me to some very entertaining sites, this one being one of them.

Anyway, this was so funny that I had to throw it out here for you, the masses. Enjoy.

BTW, the article is titled “It’s fun to stay at the J-A-I-L”

The policeman from the popular 70s/80s disco group The Village People was arrested on Sunday for drug possession and giving false ID to…a policeman! Victor Willis will return to court on April 10.

My favorite part of this story: “The officer did not immediately recognize Willis…” Um, why would he? Why would anybody? He’s not that famous. The only way you might recognize him is if he was wearing the cop uniform, and even then he’d have to be dancing.

Another odd part of this story: he was actually arrested last year but vanished before sentencing. Authorities had actually been looking for Willis for months. Hopefully he’ll show up this time.