And now for something completely different

After doing a bunch of blog browsing thanks to BlogMad, I have come to find that there is an odd phenomenon in the blogging world where people tell things about themselves.

No, not that that part is wierd. The new thing is that folks have things called the “Friday Fifteen” or the “Thursday Thirteen” or something like that.

Apparently what you do is tell things about yourself in list form and I think you’re supposed to do this every week.

That made me think about doing the Tuesday two, but since that seems kind of wussy-like, I’ll try the Tuesday 12 and see what happens.

1) I shave once a week. I should shave twice a week, but I never feel like it on Thursday.

2) I was once fired by my best friend. And he did it while I was taking a shit.

3) In high school I drove a 76 chevy van that looked kind of like the Starsky and Hutch car. It had wall to wall carpet, a queen sized bed in the back, a CB radio, a moonroof and an 8-track. this was in 1986.

4) I have ridiculously flat feet.

5) I know every zip code in the metro Atlanta area.

6) My wife’s nickname is butthead and I started calling her that in high school in 1986.

7) I have been in jail in two states.

8) On a related note, I was arrested and taken into custody by the Auburn Campus PD for stealing my own bike.

9) I have pierced my left ear over 100 times.

10) I can spin any relatively solid item on any finger on my left hand. (Pillows, books, serving trays, plates, cutting boards, etc).

11) I can whistle with any combination of two fingers from my left or right hands including both thumbs at the same time.

12) When I voted in the 1988 presidential election, I was EXTREMELY intoxicated.

There. Now I’m sure there’s no way I can do that again next week, but we shall see.

Ode To The Square Bagel: A Photo Essay

Someone asked for some pictures…

so here they are. Enjoy everybody!

Fat cheeks RULE!!

Holy crap!! Guess what today is?

Today is the 20th anniversary of my first date with Mrs. TMLSB. It was 1986 (obviously), she had just returned from spring break, and we went in my 1976 Chevy van (I may have to write about that thing later, as it deserves its own blog entry) to Lenox Square to see “Pretty in Pink.”

Since then, she’s been the best girlfriend, fiancee, wife, mother and partner that I’ve ever known. I don’t know what I am quantifiably, but I know that I would be far far less were it not for her advice, guidance, love and support. I’ve said it before many times, but she has always made me want to be a better man, husband, father, etc., and that’s no small feat.

Here’s to the next 20 years being better than the first 20.

I love you.

The management.

Does anybody want to buy 22,000 pounds of hardwood lump charcoal?

(To keep this from being an advertisement, I will not mention the product name here)

As some of you may know (or may not know), last year I started a little side business that was intended to bring a little extra income into the family and possibly lay the groundwork for the next career step for TMLSB.

What I got was a real life lesson in running a small business. Or more accurately, I got a real life lesson in running a small business into the ground.

Okay, that last part isn’t true, but you’d have a hard time telling my banker that.

It seems that despite the product being made from Brazillian hardwoods in areas that conform to the Forestry Service Commission guidelines, the government down there can still stop the harvesting of the woods required to make this unique blend of charcoals. So now, I am in possession of the last 2,000 bags of this product still available for sale outside of retailers that have already bought in the past and have inventory on hand.

I have basically consolidated my operations and the product is now available for sale, by me, out of my basement. I will no longer pay warehouse fees, handling fees, etc. It’s all just too much. So I arranged to move my 14 (and now it’s 18) pallets of product out of my warehouses and into my BIL’s building.

That project started with a half day last Friday that saw delivery scheduled for 12:30p-1:00p arrive at 3:30p and not on a city truck with a liftgate but a full-sized 18-wheeler despite my documented request for the liftgate, so we had to reschedule for yesterday.

The best part was that, in asking for the half day Friday, I actually said the following to my boss…in writing:

“If I can have this half day, I won’t be asking for any more time off until my vacation in May.”

So it was fun sending an email to my boss Sunday that said “I know I said I wouldn’t need another day off until May, and that’s why I am so proud to be asking for the very next work day off instead.”

He said yes, thank God.

So it was back to the worldwide headquarters of SEL for another noon-12:30p delivery that showed at 2:30p, and was unloaded at around 3:15p and then the truck left to get the rest of the delivery. From Lawrenceville. To bring back to Cumming. At 4:30p in the afternoon.

He got back at 5:30p. UnkTodd stayed and wasted his time waiting to help and lock up (which was totally unnecessary and very much appreciated).

Then one of the pallets (containing around 160 bags of charcoal) turned over in the truck. So we got to unload that pallet by hand two bags at a time.

We finally got done a little after 6pm, stopped by the BIL’s brother’s house to swap vehicles, and headed home. The BIL was out of gas, had spent nearly four hours helping me, and then when we got home, he and the two nephews helped get all 150 or so bags into my basement.

As usual, I am floored by his / their generosity, both of their time and their other resources.

From here, I will endeavor to bring it home 50-80 bags at a time on Saturday and Sunday mornings and stack it in my basement as though I’m building a reasonably flammable bomb shelter.

Hopefully I can get this stuff liquidated within a year and my loss will be minimized. Either way though, I’ve learned a LOT about business, about how government deals with small businesses, and what not to do next time.

I’m looking forward to a quiet day that sees me getting home at a reasonable hour to play with my kids and help my wife, who’s had a full plate of her own lately.

p.s. If you’re interested in one bag or 2,000 and are in the Atlanta area, visit this link.

The ultimate Ninja sneak attack

As is usually the case, urchin 1.0 made a ninja visit last night. It was around 11:40pm or so. I had been asleep since around 10:15pm and it felt like I’d been asleep for hours.

Anyway, using her craftiness and cuteness, she started doing the “I had a bad dweam. About fire bweaving dwagons” thing, all the while she’s climbing up and making herself comfortable in my bed.

I discouraged this and, after consenting to a drink of water (a stalling measure to be sure), we headed back to her room.

On the way into her room, however, she took a nasty shot to the temple from the doorknob. That led to some sobbing, but I controlled that and kept it from becoming a full-blown outburst by employing the old “You gotta cowboy up” approach.

Anyway, this morning my alarm went off at the usual time. However, before I could even get out of bed and to the bathroom for a shower, there was the ninja again.

And she was bottomless.

See, Lauren is to the point now where she doesn’t want to wear the pullups at night anymore. But she won’t get up and go to bathroom every time, so I’m not going to get her out of the pullups until (as my wife laid down the law) we have three dry pullup nights in a row.

However, the urchin circumvents this bathroom requirement by simply waking up after the pullup is wet and changing into a new dry one.

Expensive and annoying is what THAT is.

Anyway, it’s not uncommon for her morning wakeup ritual to inclue wandering into our room sans pj pants and pullup and climbing into bed (and sitting on my pillow if I’m not there).

But today she’s in at 5:19am, pantless and pullup-less, and when I go to put her back to bed, she’s peed the bed, hidden her pj bottoms in the bed and covered the pee.

So I had to get her dressed, take her to our bed, and exlain to the wife what happened. I also had to explain to Lauren that peeing her bed was not going to be an excuse to sleep in our bed. I just didn’t have time to launder sheets or remake the bed before I left.

Stay tuned. I believe that the battle “TMLSB and wife vs. the pea-sized bladder” is far from over and may have many MANY twists and turns before the story comes to an end.

Selah….

Ninja on a two lane road

I was blog browsing…I mean working today

And I stumbled across a poem that is said to have been written by and found on the wall in Mother Theresa’s Home for Children in Calcutta. I was skeptical, did a little snooping around, and found that, despite some bad plagiarising, the poem is real and seems to be accurately credited to her.

Anyway, it’s a little hokey and those that know me as the bitter, cynical bastard may laugh, but here it is anyway:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

The "Four Things" quiz

Since I get these in some variation or another, I thought I’d finally answer one of them here. Not one question, but one whole quiz. I have only read one of the questions, and it asks me to “name four jobs you’ve had.”

That’s a laugh. I think I had four jobs in a week once. If you’d like to read my employment history blog, click here. Which reminds, it might be fun to list why I left each one too. Maybe I’ll do that later.

Anyway, here we go:

1) Four jobs that you have had in your life?
IT Professional for WWLITFBT (World Wide Leader In Thin Film Barrier Technology)
Customer Service Representative
Dishwasher
Bouncer and Waiter

2) Four movies that you can watch over and over?
Field Of Dreams
Shawshank Redemption
Office Space
The Anchorman
Days Of Thunder

3) Four places that you have lived in your life?
Anoka, MN
Mission Viejo, CA
Auburn, AL
Various places in Metropolitan Atlanta, GA

4) Four TV shows that you love to watch?
Celebrity Fit Club
Survivor
My Name Is Earl
LOST

5) Four places that you have vacationed?
Sandals Royal Bahamian, Grand Bahama
Sandals Inn, Montego Bay, Jamaica
Some resort in Playa Del Carmen, Cancun, Mexico
Boston, MA

6) Four of your favorite foods?
Ribeye Steaks
Veal Rib Chops
Rack Of Lamb
Baby Back Ribs

7) Four places that you would rather be?
Ireland
Boston
The Bahamas
On the road with my family following NASCAR

If I get any more of these with different questions, I’ll either make a new entry or add to this one.

How exciting, eh?

I’ve made a decision about the audioblog.

The first one I do for real is going to be titled “Ten questions with urchin 1.0″

What I’d like from you is what you think those ten questions should be. Please hit comment or email me and I’ll get this done over the weekend, and maybe it’ll even be entertaining.

Stay tuned…