So, as I mentioned before, we are keeping the SIL and BIL’s dog while their floors are being re-done. But there’s some history.
Sissy, the (age undetermined, but estimates place her at about 13 or 14 years old) Border Collie has been a loyal and faithful dog since about 3 months after the BIL rescued her from some shitass who had her tied up in a hot tin shed with no shade, food or water.
The BIL brought her home and after she stopped being afraid everyone in the world was going to beat the shit out of her, she became argueably the world’s greatest dog.
At birthday parties with 20 or more kids, she’d run the perimeter herding children and nipping pant legs and nudging them to keep them out of the woods and in the play areas.
If no one would play with her, she’d get a tennis ball and proceed to run, throw it with her mouth and chase it down, over and over again to entertain herself.
When you wanted a dog to love on, there was none better. She could be laying on you and if you called her name, she’d try to get even closer to you.
When kids poked, pulled, twisted, bent or pushed her (which all of them did), she never so much as winced, much less made a hostile move toward them.
To this day, if either of her boys (or my Lauren) leave the visual range of the house (like when my nephew bolts on his scooter), she will follow and stay with them as long as they’re gone.
Again, she was and is just about the perfect dog.
Then, about 3 years ago this past Christmas, after a number of failed attempts with other pets, the BIL and SIL got Jake.
Jake is a Golden Retriever but so much more. He actually is nearly white and he resembles a bear instead of a golden. He’s at least 80 pounds and seems even bigger.
He too is good tempered. The only time he’s ever hurt anyone is when the younger nephew was standing over him with a piece of food hanging from his mouth, swinging it back and forth and calling the dog’s name. When Jake lunged at the food, he got a bit of jack’s nose. To me, that was 100% Jack’s fault and not the dog’s, so Jake’s got a clean record in my book.
Jake is pretty. Jake is sensetive. Whenever he’s been to the groomer or wallowing in a creek and comes home, he will spend a few days with his head under furniture or laying down facing walls, as he thinks you can’t see him. He actually seems to feel some pride or shame, but I have no idea why.
The other side of Jake is this: he’s dumb as as box of fucking hammers. Literally.
He’s the only non-retarded golden I know that I’ve ever seen literally get lost at the bottom of the stairs to his own deck. That he just descended. I watched this happen, and it was fascinating.
If you’ve ever seen a little kid run up to some guy in jeans and then look in horror as they realize that’s not their dad (as all men wear jeans), that’s what Jake looks like trying to find his way home. Except he never has the look of horror. He’s content to live wherever he stops running.
He also runs away (when a door or doors are left open). That last part isn’t the dog’s fault, and I’m not sure the first part is either. I’m convinced that he wanders until he’s tired (50 yards) and then can’t find home. I think his sniffer got put on backwards or something.
He’s run away the past three Christmas’, including a journey that took him about five miles away and across 8 lanes of traffic total, and there’s nary a mark on him. He walks thru raindrops, but he’s a special needs dog.
And I didn’t even bother to mention the drool (shudder)…
Both dogs are welcome in our home (one unattended, one completely attended. We keep many dog treats and snacks for both of them. Hell, the only time Jake moves fast is when he goes out to poop and senses our kitchen door ajar. Then he runs like the wind, dives into the kitchen and parks in front of the pantry and it takes a treat or two to get him home).
Which reminds me. Jake also takes every opportunity to poop in my yard when I’m home. He’s content to take care of business if I’m not or if I’m in his yard. But if we are all in my yard, he’ll wander out into the middle, turn around and stare at me, make eye contact, and then hunch down and grind out a hippo-sized turd that smells like a pole barn died right where he stands, staring at me. How rude is THAT?
Sissy sleeps diligently on the landing of the stairs at their house while Jake sleeps either on the couch (where he sleeps all day every day) or in the bathroom in case he’s eaten a bag of garbage or five pounds of halloween candy (which he’s done twice).
I didn’t mention that Jake sleeps about 20-23.5 hours per day. He sleeps in front of doors and closets and refrigerators, and cannot be roused when you push him out the way with said doors or even your feet.
Anyway, I tell you all of this for a reason.
This morning, I came downstairs and found Sissy faithfully sleeping nestled up against nephew Nick’s backpack. It was quite sweet. She got up, stretched, went outside with me for a pee, (she peed, not me) and then came back in and took up her place by the sofa.
And so I went to work.
When the wife came downstairs, what do you think she found?
Sissy, in all of her glory, lying sound asleep on the sofa.
“That’s odd,” the wife thought. So she went about her morning that included trips to the pediatrician, the grocery and the Steak and Shake, and when she got home, what do you think she found?
That’s right. Sissy, in all of her glory, asleep on the sofa.
It seems that she either has a severe case of sofa envy or someone wanted to be this way the whole time, but cute dumb Jake wouldn’t let her.
After her stay at Casa de Jake-less, I’m wondering if Sissy will want to go home at all….
What say you?