The Atlanta Braves are carried on WKLS FM in Atlanta which is 96rock. For the record, this station has sucked ass for about 10 years now with the exception of their morning show, which is hosted by “The Regular Guys.”
Anyway, the Regular Guys have recently filmed 96rock / Braves broadcast tie-in commercials and they’re pretty good.
But THIS is the best one so far.
It made me giggle.
Let me preface this by saying that I really don’t fit into any neat little political category. It seems that I can find a way to irritate almost anyone I know by having a political conversation with them.
Here’s what I believe:
I believe in smaller government. I believe in the FairTax plan. I believe that the Federal Government has WAY too much power, and they wield it in areas that don’t matter much while ignoring areas that do (like securing our borders). I don’t believe in a person’s ability to wallow endlessly on government assitance while shooting out kids one after the other and not contributing to our society, but only taking. I believe in the 2nd ammendment, but I believe in waiting periods, thorough background checks and HEAVY penalties for firearm law violators. I believe in free speech, even if you’re disagreeing with the folks in charge. I believe in privacy rights. I don’t believe in eminent domain the way it’s being used in our country today. I don’t believe in unions. I do believe in socialized medicine.
The bottom line is that I believe that I’m closer to a Libertarian than anything else. I’m fiscally conservative and socially moderate. I believe in a woman’s right to choose but I believe that is a state and not a federal decision.
Anyway, I read boortz.com every day. I don’t agree with everything, but I agree with more than I do from about anyone else, especially zealouts and extremists like Limbaugh and Hannity and their ilk.
The reason I tell you this is to throw a quote from Boortz.com this morning that made me laugh out loud. Here ya go:
“OK … so we want to be politically correct, do we? We want to call illegal aliens “undocumented workers?” A listner suggests that we call welfare recipients “documented non-workers.” Sounds good to me. Maybe I’ll use that instead of “parasites” some time.”
It’s good to be right and it’s good to be funny. But being right AND funny kicks ass.
Due to circumstances mostly out of my control, I have not worked out this week.
I feel bad about it, and I think my body’s actually getting mad at me, but that’s okay. I did more in March than I did in February, which was more than I did in January, which was more than I’d done since Clinton was elected the first time. I will take the treadmill by the horns again this afternoon and make it my bitch.
Oh, the reason I posted this altogether was to say this. I have basically lost no weight since January. I float between 206.5 and 208.5 every day. But the true test is this.
Before my surgery, I was wearing a 38 waist in everything: slacks, jeans, shorts, etc.
Fast forward to yesterday, and the wife bought me four pairs of 35 inch waisted shorts from Old Navy (Thanks Old Navy) and they fit.
I have lost three inches from my waist in five months. It is conceivable that I could be in a 34 waist by the end of the year. I haven’t worn a 34 waist in Levis since mullets were cool.
Yay me.
p.s. Despite what you say or think Megan, mullets WERE cool. So there.
In an effort to pirate every good idea Ethel’s ever had regarding her blog, I will do a Tuesday Twelve (sans snappy graphics) with the same topic she used.
Today’s topic is Twelve Things I Like
1) Just about any food cooked on a Big Green Egg, but my personal favorite is the ribeye.
2) Playing about any EA Sports game on my X-Box, especially Tiger Woods 2006, Madden Football 2006 and hopefully soon to be NASCAR 2006.
3) Cold beer. Nearly any kind. But if forced and without taking dietary impact into consideration, I’d choose the Sam Adams line of cold beers.
4) A warm summer afternoon where we race home to race up to the lake and just tool around for a couple of hours in Unk Todd’s boat.
5) The Chick-fil-a sandwich.
6) Breyers Chocolate Chip ice cream
7) Zaxby’s fried chicken caesar salad
8) My treadmill
9) These great cooking seasonings
10) Our new kitchen knives
11) My racing board
12) Jayski: the home of NASCAR related news
Because several issues interest me right now, I’ll go ahead and throw them all into one entry. That way, you can skip the whole thing by just waiting 30 seconds and clicking the magic number (if you’re a blogexplosion or blogmad user).
MLB’s Steroid “investigation”
Bud “The spineless weasly sex toy of the owners” Selig announced yesterday that he was opening a “GASP!!” investigation into steroid use and the use of other performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball since the league started testing for them in September of 1992.
On the face of it, this sounds like a great idea. It really does. However, there are glaring problems.
First, the guy appointed to head the investigation is former Senator George Mitchell. Sounds good…right?
Wrong.
He’s currently a director of the Boston Red Sox. He’s the Chairman of the Board of the Walt Disney Company, owners of ABC tv and ESPN, the cable network that just happens to hold the broadcast rights to Major League Baseball. Does that sound “fair and impartial” to you?
Also, what actual authority does this guy have? I mean, I picture it going something like this:
Mitchell or Mitchell lackey: So (insert player name here), have you ever done steroids?
Player: Is this a legal proceding?
Mitchell: Ummm…no.
Player: Are there any federal agencies or government officials involved?
Mitchell: Well, no.
Player: Are there any subpoenas here?
Mitchell: Umm…no. See, we were just sort of hoping you and the owners would tell us everything. You know, risk your eternal credibility, your next contract, fan support, etc., just because we asked. So whaddya say? Have you ever juiced?
Player: Two things. One is that no, I’ve never done steroids and two: Blow me.
And this is the mild version. Wait’ll he interviews the owners about what they knew and when they knew it.
What a joke.
As usual, baseball sort of looks like they’re doing the right thing, but they really aren’t, and it’s insulting.
Selig should have found a way to kickoff a federal probe with subpoenas and courts and judges and depositions where perjury is a felony. Even though Palmiero perjured himself in front of congress along with Americas favorite “no habla Ingles”er Sammy Sosa and Mark “I know we’re here to talk about steroid use in the past, but I want to talk about the future, not the past” McGwire, you still have to believe that perjury charges pending will scare SOMEONE into telling the truth.
Christ, Billy Beane admitted he was a gay athlete (GASP!!!) without a subpoena, and Jose Canseco not only admitted steroid use, he waved it like a flag. For once I say Good for you, Jose. You did the wrong thing (a LOT), but in the end, you did the right thing and it may save baseball in spite of itself.
That said, Bud Selig has done more damage to baseball than 1,000 Gary Bettmans (NHL Commissioner charged with blowing a season and the Cup playoffs due to a strike) could ever do.
Congrats Bud. You’re the man.
Next up, the Duke University LaCrosse team rape investigation.
Needless to say, I don’t know 1/100th of the facts in this case, but lets just say that we can all agree that fourty eight eighteen to twenty two year olds plus two strippers does not equal good sense.
I hope to God these two women can recover someday regardless of what the courts say. But I’m thinking back just 20 years to college and I can’t for the life of me figure out where it went from going out getting drunk and banging fat chicks to gang raping strippers.
First, there’s the money factor. No one I knew had any. If we had twenty bucks, it was spent like this:
$18 for beer (Milwaukee’s Best was $5.99 a case at the time)
$2 for eight for a buck Ramen Noodles.
That’s it. And we usually had to search the car seats and sofa and the dryer to find that much. Where does anyone in college get enough money to hire two strippers?
And was it a special occasion to hire strippers? Like maybe someone’s birthday? I mean Jesus man, when it was my birthday in college, do you know what my friends got me?
Drunk. And a meal. Maybe. But that’s it. No hookers. No strippers. None of that. Nor should they have.
I think (believe it or not) that the internet and the movie / tv show Jackass has a lot to do with stuff like this. See, there are plenty (and I mean PLENTY) of sites that show college kids doing crazy shit like stripping (both in private and in public), having gang bangs, beating up bums, shooting innocent folks with paint ball guns (or worse), etc. We just didn’t do that shit. Any of it. And if we did, we certainly wouldn’t have been stupid enough to tape it and broadcast it on the internet. (Backing up my belief that, despite whatever advantages and teaching they’ve gotten, teenagers are truly retarded and lucky to survive every day they leave the house).
I truly believe that the “Jackass” mentality of teens today is the other problem. Ever since the inception of the show which featured harmless crap like sledding down a hill on a shovel in the summer or stapling letters to your bare ass, they’ve tried to one up each other, culminating in the show “Wild Boys” and the movie Jackass. While somewhat funny (in a crass, 7-year-old laughing at someone peening their pants kind of way), it’s now crossed the line.
Kids don’t understand that there’s a difference between five 30 year olds on screen all agreeing to take part in this stuff and four varsity football players terrorizing another student. It’s not the same and it’s not okay.
If they’re guilty, I hope these elitist shit-asses at Duke get the book thrown at them and see some civil cases as well. Someone has to stop the wink and a nod acceptance of this idiocy.
And finally today, it’s become public news that former stripper and media and attention whore Anna Benson is divorcing her husband, Oriole starting pitcher Kris Benson. All I can say is “Thank GOD and I hope he gets custody of their kids.”
If you don’t know who she is, you should check out the FHM interview she and her husband participated in just a few weeks ago. I meant to write about it when it happened, but I was too stunned. Or maybe I did and can’t find it now. But either way, it’s ridiculous. He should be divorcing her.
I am going to post the text of her interviewing her husband for FHM just so you can see what a disgusting whore she is. And quite a mother to boot. Enjoy:
KRIS: I get some butterflies in the stomach. But I think you handle that stuff well. The thing is, you’ve always told me that. It’s been a running joke since we started going out. It caught the people who aren’t really in our circle by surprise. But our friends hear that all the time. I guess now that Howard Stern’s on satellite radio, there’s no limit to what you can say.
KRIS: Miss Oklahoma. She won the Miss America pageant, didn’t she? I had her scouted out from the beginning.
KRIS: If you’re a brunette and you have certain assets, you definitely move to the top of the list.
Kris: You’ve got to have some skills.
KRIS: Sometimes you talk in the megaphone voice. When you can’t control the volume, that’s when I tell you to turn it down a notch.
KRIS: Well, the bedroom is our only sanctuary. At around 9 p.m., the kids have to be in bed and the door gets locked. By about 10 p.m., it’s lights out.
KRIS: I give in once in a while.
KRIS: Well, she was interested in a boy recently and he looked like he was a man. He was 16, so that was out. I can see this being a problem down the road, because when you were growing up. . . .
KRIS: I was going to say that guys were pursuing you at an early age because of the size of your breasts.
KRIS: Well, if someone comes around to date our oldest girl, I may have him clean my AR15. That’s a military assault rifle. He might have to see that or my .50-caliber handgun. He probably wouldn’t make it past [our] 10 dogs.
KRIS: I try not to even think about that.
KRIS: You made that promise to me, what, a year-and-a-half ago?
KRIS: Jesus.
KRIS: I thought it might happen during spring training, which would have been terrible. You have to change teams, find a place to live during spring training, find a place to live in Baltimore. It’s a lot with the kids in school. Leo Mazzone, my new pitching coach, has reassured me that he’s going to show me some stuff that’s going to help my career. I’m excited.
KRIS: I’m sure it’s not going to stop, but it should slow down a bit. I’m going to be going to new cities now, and I’m sure I’m going to get asked about you, but it comes with your career. I’m more conservative than you are, so not having to comment so much will give me a chance to relax and do my thing.
KRIS: They joke about it. Some guys, I’m sure they don’t like some things you say, but they won’t come out and say it.
KRIS: I think talking about baseball is boring. So I find all this pretty entertaining. I think it’s funny listening to all these grown men sounding like little girls when they talk about you. You know they get their little panties in a ruffle.
KRIS: Well, I think they’ll see the real you and not the tabloid you—someone who’s charitable and wants to help people. Baseball is such a short career in the grand scheme of things, and we’re going to live our life to the fullest. Just because I’m playing baseball, I’m not going to stop you from living your dream or having fun while I’m doing it. There are so many other things out there besides just playing baseball. I really don’t care what other people think.
KRIS: Divorced?
ANNA: We’ll split up like Bruce and Demi. We’ll be best friends and live next door to each other, so we can have sex every once in a while, and we’ll both get lovers who are 20 years younger than we are. FHM
Have you picked yourself up off the floor yet? And I don’t think this interview even mentioned her ultimatum issued right after Kris signed with the Mets. She went on Howard Stern and said that if Kris ever cheated on her, she’d “sleep with every one of his teammates.”
And if you’ll notice in this article in the NY Daily News, she is confusing the word “us” with the word “Kris” prior to the trade to Baltimore occurring.
The bombshell wife of Mets pitcher Kris Benson blew up at the Amazin’s yesterday for trying to trade her husband – and charged her negotiations to pose nude for Playboy were to blame.
Sexy Anna Benson insisted she’s not baring it all anytime soon and ripped the Mets for shopping her hubby just a year after signing him to a four-year deal. “We would never, ever have signed with New York if they had said they were going to trade us,” said Anna Benson, 29. “I was Miss [Politically Correct] for the Mets the entire time I was there. “I have no deal with Playboy,” she said, adding that talks crumbled last month over money. The pinup model also blasted the team for signing Carlos Delgado, who she suggested is unpatriotic because he has, in the past, refused to stand for the playing of “God Bless America.” “How are they going to sit there and say it’s so controversial when they sign someone like Delgado, who turns his back on our flag?” Anna Benson said. Still, posing in her birthday suit would be as American as apple pie, said Benson, who once threatened to sleep with the entire Mets team if she caught her husband cheating. “Playboy is all-American. Everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Cindy Crawford has posed,” fumed Benson, who once posed topless for Penthouse. “They didn’t turn their back on the flag.” Mets brass have acknowledged trying to move Kris Benson and his $7.5 million salary, and insiders say management is uncomfortable with the prospect of Anna Benson posing nude for Playboy. But a team spokesman shot down the trade rumors and insisted there would be no ruffled feathers in Flushing over a Playboy pictorial. “We do not make moves based on anything the players’ wives do,” said Mets spokesman Jay Horwitz. “We know she’s trying to build a career for herself and we wish her well.” Kris Benson, 31, had a so-so first full season with the Amazin’s, going 10-8 with a 4.13 earned run average. But Anna Benson angrily called the Mets out for saying they planned to build the team around him when they inked the free agent to a deal last year. “They wanted [veteran pitcher] Tommy [Glavine] to school him, and then they turn around and trade us?” she asked. “The whole thing is upsetting to everybody.” The hot-under-the-collar hottie says she’s also angry because the couple came to New York, in part, to help 9/11 charities. Some $1 million in Kris Benson’s contract is earmarked for charitable donations. “We wanted to help the city because of 9/11,” Anna Benson said. “We specifically did it for New York, and then they turn around and trade us? I just don’t understand.” Anyway, it’s good to see that this marriage didn’t work out. (Of course, it is convenient that she waited until after he got the Oriole contract before she left him. Baseball’s disgruntled wives are good at that. Tom Glavine ex waited until he got his huge deal before she filed as well. Coincidence?) Sorry for the randomness of the ranting. I figured it was easier to get it all out at once. Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend if I don’t blog again today. But you know I will. I always do…
To fill the back story a bit, after our recent frequent ninja attacks, the wife and I sort of formulated a plan and then she made it better once I was off the phone. We explained to 1.0 that if she needed to go to the bathroom at night, it was fine to get up and do that and go back to bed. If she was sick or not feeling well, she could come into our room. If she just woke up for no reason, she was free to read a book for a few minutes and then go back to sleep.
And if she did these things, she’d get to stay up ten extra minutes the next night.
Now, I know that doesn’t seem like much, but when you’re not even four yet, “stay up….later” is all you hear. She wouldn’t know 10 seconds from 10 minutes from 10 hours. 10 of anything is her counting to 10 and saying “That was 10 (whatevers).”
Last night, about a half hour after 2.0′s feeding at 2:30am, 1.0 was nose to nose with me. As soon as I opened my eyes, she held up a tissue and asked me to help her blow her nose, and then she bolted back to her room.
I headed down there with a smile on my face, helped her blow her nose several times, gave her some dimatapp (she’s got either bad allergies or a cold, but I’m not letting some congestion foul up a great night’s sleep), and put her back to bed.
I’m very proud of my over-worked and over-burdened wife. I’m proud of my narcoleptic and suddenly insomniacal daughter.
It’s gonna be a good day.
But the stirring ninja awoke when the “door ajar” pinger went off as I headed into the garage, and she was hysterically crying by the time I hit the button to close the door and leave for work.
The wife and I went to sleep around 11pm and were awakened five times, including the one time to feed urchin 2.0 (which is fine), and now the wife was up for the day at 5:48am on the day she works until 11pm.
So tell me, does anyone have any good ideas on how to keep a child A) asleep and B) in their room?
I’m not in favor of the “reversing the doorknob and locking them in their room” plan, nor am I in favor of beating obedience into them.
So I ask you again, do you have any ideas?
Not the stupid-ass roadside advertising ninja mentioned here, but the ninja that is my almost four-year-old daughter.
Last night set a new high, or low, depending upon how you look at it.
We finally got urchin 2.0 to be asleep by around 9:15pm. This was after a good hour and change at the playground / tennis courts / sand volleyball area in the neighborhood commons. 2.0 got held by plenty of interested parties and 1.0 got uninterrupted, outdoor play and funtime. Who could ask for more in the way of wearing children out on a Wednesday night?
Apparently, we could.
Our first ninja visit came a little after 2:30am while I was feeding Sophia. I must mention that this was after the two “get up and out of bed right after we go to bed to complain about hunger/thirst/the door to her room not being ajar enough” efforts, because those just happen every night.
Anywho, we advised Ninja Lauren to go back to bed.
That lasted until 3:00am, and I got yet another wake up visit.
Back to bed she went until 3:30am, when she was again concerned about how much her door was open.
Then, for the third time in seven days, she came bolting in the second after my alarm went off for work.
“WHAT WAS THAT DADDY?!?!?!? WHAT WAS THAT SOUND?!?!!?”
Baby, it’s still the alarm. the same one that has gone off five days a week at 5:18am since we moved here over two years ago. Now, for the last time, GO BACK TO BED!!!
She did, complained about the door aperture some more, and then I caught a shower and left for work.
I’ll tell you this, she’s not getting Sprite with her Zaxby’s at 7pm ever ever again. As a matter of fact, this child may have lost her “soft drink of any kind after noon” priveledges until college.
I only hope the wife has a better day today, especially between Betty grunts and moans and her older sidekick, the perpetually “I’m bored/hungry/thirsty” girl.
God, am I glad I’m at work….
I found this one at http://corporatebitchworkingfortheman.blogspot.com/. I don’t know who this is, but I like her a lot. Here’s a hilarious entry of hers that I think we can all relate to on some level.
Yet another advisor bit the dust yesterday. We’ve lost 4 in the past few months, kids really, who had worked here for close to a year. It’s the natural progression in this industry, but it sucks to see a kid waste a year of his life doing something he just wasn’t cut out to do. This particular kid was kind of a doofy frankenstein looking dude, and I don’t believe I ever heard him say more than one word, so it’s not really a devastating loss.
My favorite part of a person getting fired is the announcement email. You know – ‘Poor unfortunate bastard has resigned from the firm as of today. We wish him the best…’ blah, blah blah. First of all, who are they kidding? They make it sound as if he just plain decided to move on, when that’s so not the case. Yes, he probably resigned, but only because that was a better option than being fired. They can pretty up the email as much as they want, but every dumb fuck here knows what happened. He didn’t make the cut. He wasn’t a good earner. He didn’t get enough face time with clients. He pissed off the president.
I’m just obsessed with the email. It’s the best. They even try to change it up every so often. ‘We wish her the best in her future endeavors’, ‘We hope he finds a career that is a perfect fit’ – it’s just hilarious. I don’t think there’s anything more fake than the ‘well wishes’ email. You know the person typing it doesn’t give a shit if that particular person finds a new job, or gives a single crap about their future endeavors.
Is it too much to ask that once, just once, I get an email that says, ‘Bob Dumbass was fired last night. He was a moron, and couldn’t figure out the database, and also couldn’t bring in any assets. The clients just didn’t like him. We don’t really care what happens to him after this, we’re just glad we don’t have to deal with his dumb ass anymore. Adios, fucker!’ That would so make my day. And really, if I get fired (fingers crossed!), I’d want that email. I wouldn’t want some stupid, fake email circulating around. I’d want everyone to know what happened. Why not? Chances are they’d know anyway.
It’s like I could have written this myself, since I’ve said this everytime someone at our office “leaves to pursue other opportunities.” Awesome. Thanks corporate bitch!
I’ve been reading the blogs of various folks for entertainment recently, and they’ve led me to some very entertaining sites, this one being one of them.
Anyway, this was so funny that I had to throw it out here for you, the masses. Enjoy.
BTW, the article is titled “It’s fun to stay at the J-A-I-L”
The policeman from the popular 70s/80s disco group The Village People was arrested on Sunday for drug possession and giving false ID to…a policeman! Victor Willis will return to court on April 10.
My favorite part of this story: “The officer did not immediately recognize Willis…” Um, why would he? Why would anybody? He’s not that famous. The only way you might recognize him is if he was wearing the cop uniform, and even then he’d have to be dancing.
Another odd part of this story: he was actually arrested last year but vanished before sentencing. Authorities had actually been looking for Willis for months. Hopefully he’ll show up this time.
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