Functionally ReTodded

You know you’re doing something right (or wrong) if you’re more tired from your weekend than your work week.

Friday we had a bunch of stuff going on and got delayed and distracted and didn’t eat dinner until nearly 10:15. I know that’s not healthy, but I didn’t fill up on crap. Dinner was as good as it gets in my opinion. Care to guess what it was?

Ribeyes cooked on the Big Green Egg and eaten on paper plates. No muss, no fuss, no loading baked potatoes, nothing. Just a couple of guys (me and my brother in law) with a steak on a plate with knife and for in hand. Oh, and more than a few cold beers, which is what made Saturday morning’s start so rough.

(That said, I laughed Saturday since what the three of us drank Friday was not an uncommon amount for me alone pre-bypass. Guess I’m getting to be a cheaper and cheaper date now).

Oh, I nearly forgot and how could I considering how exciting it is / was. We got a new car.

I know what you’re thinking. “Didn’t you just get new cars a year or two ago?”

Yes we did. The Trailblazers were 2004 models and are both two years old right now. The problem was that when we got them, urchin 2.0 wasn’t even in the discussion phase, and now that there are two of those things, getting them all in and out of the car with the appropriate accoutraments has gotten difficult, and taking anyone else with us is all but impossible.

Combined with the thought of more extracurricular stuff for Lauren and a family vacation pending, we decided to start sniffing around the (get ready now) minivan market and see what was out there and whether we could swing it or not.

The wife contacted Bill Heard Chevrolet of Buford, site of the purchase of our previous three vehicles, just to see what they had and what they’d cost. It didn’t look good.

But she worked and worked and worked and bothered the guy and finally, when it was all said and done, we got to within $15 of our old payment, so we bought a minivan. (Aye carramba. We now own a minivan).

It’s actually pretty cool as it doesn’t look like a traditional minivan, especially from the front. And the way they are designed now is more like the thought that goes into building boats, maximizing all space for storage or some other purpose. The days of the 3 rows of seating and two cupholders being the whole package are long over.

Here’s what we bought:

2006 Chevrolet Uplander

It’s really pretty cool. It’s got the on-board flip down dvd screen, great stereo, power sliding passenger side door, 3rd row seating so it can accomodate seven passengers, a built-in child seat for Lauren, removable second and third row seating, and much more. Oh, it also came with two infared headsets for listening to horrifyingly annoying children’s DVD’s so I don’t have to hear them. And the guy gave us four sets instead of two, so when the inevitable breaking of a set or two happens, we’ve got replacements for free just a step away in the basement.

I’m still not thrilled about driving it, but I can already tell you that getting two girls plus their crap and any guests into the car is far far easier than it ever was with the Trailblazer.

Oh, and when we went to dinner Saturday night, we made Uncle Todd watch this year’s Auburn-Georgia game on DVD during the trip, and I kept the remote with me so he had to watch it. That was worth it for sure.

(Sorry about that Saturday evening spoiler. Let’s get back to the weekend).

Saturday was soccer day for urchin 1.0 which meant a 6:30am pop-in visit from her since that’s her new thing. It’s fine if we’re already up but it blows if you’re getting meaningful sleep.

We were up and out and took our nephew with us to soccer and, as usual, had a nice time with all of the other soccer parents. (In case you’re wondering, yes we are all huge dorks).

Then it was thru the Chik-fil-a for lunch and back home, followed by a panicked trip to Sam’s Club for rack of lamb, sodas, beer, diapers, and paper plates.

they had no beer for me since we’re a Bud Select house now and they didn’t have the right size diapers for urchin 2.0: The Titanic, but they had everything else.

Deal of the day? 165 Chinette white heavy duty dinner sized paper plates for $12.88 plus tax.

Then it was home for my workout (75 minutes, 4.2 miles covered, and I burned around 700 calories and 80 carbs).

The exciting part of the day was that Mee-mee was coming over to babysit so we could go out to Macaroni Grill with the Thomas’ and the Zanettis.

Dinner was awesome. I ate way WAY too much but felt better about it considering I had been dioligent in getting on the treadmill this week and had been maintaining my Hasselhoff-like 210.5 pounds all week long. I figured a few drinks and a self-indulgent dinner wouldn’t kill me.

We got home about two seconds after Sophia apparently stopped crying (which sounded like perfect timing to me) and hit the hay around 11pm. Good thing too, because urchin 1.0 was up once, then got up at five freaking thirty Sunday morning.

Why? Because Mee-mee told her we were going to Cracker Barrel with Caca, Wivia, Max and Feff.

That settles it. No one tells her anything until it’s the day of the event. When the time comes for us to leave for the beach in May, she’s gonna think she’s been kidnapped because we’re not divulging the destination until she can see the fucking ocean.

We hit the Cracker Barrel at around 8:30 and I was torn. My usual order was the Old Timer’s Breakfast:

Old Timer’s Breakfast

Two Eggs cooked to order with Grits, Sawmill Gravy, Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits, real Butter and the best Preserves, Jam n’ Apple Butter (on request) we could find.
~plus~
Fried Apples or Hashbrown Casserole
~and~
Choice of Smoked Sausage Patties, Turkey Sausage Patties or Thick-Sliced Bacon

Grandpa’s Country Fried Breakfast:

Grandpa’s Country Fried Breakfast^®

Two Eggs cooked to order with Grits, Sawmill Gravy, Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits, real Butter and the best Preserves, Jam n’ Apple Butter (on request) we could find.
~plus~
Fried Apples or Hashbrown Casserole
~and~
Chicken Fried Chicken or Country Fried Steak

or Uncle Herschel’s favorite:

Uncle Herschel’s Favorite^®

Two Eggs cooked to order with Grits, Sawmill Gravy, Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits, real Butter and the best Preserves, Jam n’ Apple Butter (on request) we could find.
~plus~
Fried Apples or Hashbrown Casserole
~and~
(choice of one)

Hickory Smoked Country Ham Grilled Pork Chop
8 oz. Hamburger Steak Farm-Raised Catfish Fillet
(cooked to order)
Sugar Cured Ham Fried Chicken Tenderloin

What to do? What to do? What to do?

And what DID I order, you must be asking yourself? I ordered this:

Oatmeal Breakfast

Served warm with your choice of one of the following toppings, Fried Apples, Pecans, Raisins, Fresh Sliced Bananas or Pure Maple Syrup.
~and~
Choice of Apple Bran Muffin or
Wild Maine Blueberry Muffin

For the record, I got the sliced bananas and the blueberry muffin. I also got to eggbeaters scrambled with cheese. The eggs were surprisingly good, as were the bananas and the muffin. The oatmeal sucked, but it’s my fault for not getting cinnamon, but it didn’t matter much. They didn’t taste bad. They just didn’t taste. That’s one of the sacrifices you have to make…I guess.

We headed home, and that’s when the wife, Mee-mee and Caca decided that it was a good day to take all the kids to the movies to see that nanny movie.

YAY!!!

Whatever was I going to do with three uninterrupted, childless and wifeless hours?

Easy. Clean up and work out, of course. (WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING TO ME?)

I also got word that a neighbor of a friend is selling a Bowflex Pro something (retail $1400) for $100 bucks, and I think I’m getting it. (Like I said before, WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING TO ME?)

The family got home and shortly thereafter the Cashions (Kurt, Bonnie, Amelia and Charlotte seen here) arrived for an afternoon of haircuts, cold beers and a dnner of rack of lamb prepared on the Big Green Egg.

See, it seems that the Cashion clan had never had lamb. No leg, no rack, nothing. We were dumbfounded but committed to introducing them to this delicious meal.

We used our standard marinade (which we use for ribeyes, flank steaks, chicken, or whatever else) which consists of extra virgin olive oil, “fresh” minced garlic, kosher salt and Montreal Steak Seasoning.

Then, on a 500 degree grate, put the racks on and flip them every 2-3 minutes until they are to your liking. Medium rare / medium takes us about 20-25 minutes.

The result? Amazing.

And all the while we’re having cold beers and the kids are going nuts out and non-stop.

The Cashions took home their exhausted brood around 7:15 or so and we worked to get a destroyed urchin 1.0 to bed as well as to get urchin 2.0 (who didn’t sleep but about 15 minutes all day) to sleep for the night.

Sophia fell out a little before 10:00 and we both did shortly thereafter. Since she’d eaten at 9pm, I expected a 1am-2am wakeup. I got a 4:05am wakeup, which kicked much ass.

And today I got to work expecting to run errands (like getting diapers, formula and gas for my car) only to find out that I’d left my wallet at home. Nice.

I’m exhausted and need to find out if we won the megamillion Friday. Then I won’t need my wallet. I’ll buy a new one and fill it with all my new jack.

Hope you all had a great weekend. I’m already looking forward to the next one since it’s a week closer to the Daytona 500 (which is February 19th).

Shalom everybody…