Functionally ReTodded

Today, as sort of a test, I’m trying a realtime poker blog from ESPN whilst I eat my chicken caesar salad from Jason’s deli.

Why?

I have no idea, but I figure maybe it will give someone a laugh or maybe someone will give me a pointer or two in my poker play, and maybe I’ll get better. I’ve read poker blogs by some people and they can occasionally be entertaining.

The table is a $2,000 buy-in plus 10% to the house. (Remember, this is all play money).

10 man tables with the winnings paid out as %50-%30-%20, so if I win I get $10,000 in play money with which I can buy nothing, but you probably get that.

Table’s full, so let’s shuffle up and deal.

By the way, my new favorite poker term is the one for when you have Ace-King (suited or not). It’s referred to as the Anna Kournikova. Why? Because it looks pretty but it never wins anything.

nice.

First hand: 9-6 off suit.

Fold.

You’ll notice that I fold a lot and play quite tight. I’ve heard numerous pros say that the best table to sit at is the one where everyone is playing way too many hands. That means that too many folks are playing without any cards and are playing for the draw, which is unlikely to come given the odds of what their trying to get (flushes, straights, high pairs, boats, etc).

Second hand: Ks-6h. El flodo.

Hand three: 4s-6d. Care to guess?

4) Kc-5s. dump it.

5) 9h-Kd. Call the blind at $10 but fold the $30 raise. I wanted to see a flop, but I’m not paying too much for it.

This game used to only have $100, $300 and $500 tables. Now, with the big stakes everyone plays the big money tables but they play tight tight tight, just hoping for others to screw up and let them win.

I play tight too, but I’ve found that you can get thru the middle parts by playing aggressive when you play and stealing what you can. The games get ultra tight at five and four players, then loose again in the top three, since those folks get money.

6) 8h-7s. fold.

7) Ahhhh. There it is. Anna Kournikova. Ac-Kd. I’m in and check the blind. Flop’s 7d-10c-6s, it’s $80 to me and I’m out. came 2c-6h, and dude turned over pocket 7’s for the win, knocking two folks out. Nice.

10c-8d. Fold.

There’s actually only six folks left now, which is surprising. I will also try to keep you up to date on flops so you can see what I didn’t get. Until it gets later if I’m still in, b/c you only have 10 seconds to bet and the action gets pretty fast then.

9) pocket ladies: Qs-Qd. raised to $20. 10d-Ac-10h. Hmmmm. Call $10 and the turn comes 5c. Calling $225. River’s 7s. I think dude’s got shit. Called $175 and he had 10c-9c. Fuck.

I’ve got $545 left and have to play smart(er than that).

10) 3c-qh. fold. Five players left now. I may be able to stay low and watch some others go out betting too aggressively. This strategy works for getting into the money if you get to five or less and the blinds are still cheap.

11) 7d-5s. check. Qs-Jd-6c-5d. Check. Js. Check. I win. Guy next to me was K-9.

12) Fold 6c-2h. nice cards. Flop’s 10-k-10-Q-9. Two pair wins.

13) 4d-8h. Care to guess. At least I’m not playing marginal hands. I’m laying down shitty ones, which increase my odds of staying actually.

14) 8s-7s. Call $20. Hoping for a cheap flop. Kc-Kh-5d. I check. Qc and I fold the $570 that came to me.

15) Ah-Jc. Raising to $40. 8c-4s-10c. Raising $100. Win and muck bring $130 back so I’m at $645.

16) 5s-10s. Check. 4d-Ah-5h. Call $20. 3h. Fold to $180. Hand is his.

17) Pocket 5’s. Call $10. Flop’s 4s-qc-6d. Check. Call $20. 10s. Call $20. 2h comes, lost to a pair of 6’s.

18) 8d-9s. Fold. 4-6-4-9-8. Winner doesn’t show.

19) Fold 6-3 os. Nice hand again.

20) 9h-5c. Out again. Flop’s 5s-2h-Ah. Then 2c, and finally 7h. dude won with 3-4d down.

21) Qc-Kd. Going deep here. Raise to $60. Jx-6x-Ax. Check and call $30. Next is the 10h. YES!! Bet $160. 9x comes. I’m all in with $315. Win $1175 and I’m back in it!!

22) Fold 2h-10s.

23) 10d-5c. Easy choice. One dude’s down to $220, so if he’ll bow out, I am closer to a finish in the money. and he just won $90.

24) 3d-kd calls $30. 8x-Qx-Ad. Check, then 9c. Check again. Fold at $30. As comes. winner was 7Q suited.

25) pocket deuces. Call $30. Fold at the $90 raise. 5x-kh-10h

26) 4h-9c. Out.

27) Js-3c. Out.

28) 6h-2h. Fold. 2x-5x-qx. 2x. SHIT! Coulda won big. 4d comes.Winner is 8-Aos.

29) qh-jd calls $30. I’m in now. Qs-7s-8c. Raise $300. lost somehow to 2 pair. Thought I had something, but it went too fast. crap.

30) Folded 9-7 os.

31) 9-7h. All in I think. I’m bored now and want to bounce a small stack. 6-a-2s. Check. Fold to the all-in.

32) 9-8os. Fold. 9-4-2-4.

33) 7-6h. Fold. K-qh-9-2h.

34) 8-6 os. Fold.

35) 4-js. all in. No callers. It’s mine and I’m back to $530.

36) 6-3 os. Fold.

37) 3c-kd. Fold.

38) qd-2h. Fold.

39) Jd-Ad. All in but slowly. Call $60. Flop’s qx-qd-Ac. Raise to $120. 8h next. Raise $120 again. 9d. All in, Dude had a queen, I’m out in fifth.

So, as is the case recently, I play smart for short periods but get impatient and lose short of the money. I’ve actually finished 4th more times than I can count.

Oh, and don’t worry. I’ll probably never do this again. (Blog about poker I mean).

A friend of mine that I met on teh internets has introduced me to many cool websites. Places like snopes.com, for example, are VERY handy when dealing with emails from well-meaning friends, family and co-workers who nevertheless need to be corrected.

Ethel also convinced me to use Firefox’s Mozilla browser (including the amazing tabbed browsing feature) and my browsing life since then has not been the same.

(If you having tried tabbed browsing, the deal is that instead of having four or five Internet Exploder windows open to see four or five sites, you have one instance of Firefox open and have four or five tabs. MUCH easier browsing and switching back and forth, but I digress…)

But one of my favorite things that she’s introduced me to is Stumble Upon. This is a cool site for those times where you are just sitting and wondering if there’s more cool stuff out there.

Anyway, register yourself at Stumble Upon, install the product, create your profile, then select your areas of interest. Now you’re ready to go.

One cool thing is that you can click “I like it!” or “Not-for-me” at any site, and thus recommend or deter friend and other browsers that read your profile from hitting that site.

I won’t regale you with all of the areas of interest I selected, but I will show you a random sampling of what comes up when I click on the magical Stumble button.

Here are today’s selections:

The Left Hand - Site with cool stuff for the truly oppressed in our population: southpaws.

The Classic Typewriter Page - Just that. A page about old typewriters.

Loren Ipsum - You learn something new every day.

Who is Xenu? - You will also find crazy shit like this which I immediately add to the “Not-for-me” list.

Postmodern Pets - If you’ve got a pet that has everything and you’d like to be able to answer when asked “What decorating style have you chosen for your Shitpoo?”, then this is the site for you.

Film Cliches - Again, self explanatory, but a damned funny site just the same. It doesn’t all have to be scientific breakthroughs.

What’s Up With Henry Earl? - If you read Fark.com at all, you’ll know about Henry Earl. This guy is the Cal Ripken Jr. of public intoxication. Just check out his rap sheet.

Golf Courses Dot Org - They’re not all homeruns.

Eric Conveys an Emotion - This is the kind of crap that reminds me how much I love teh internets.

The Hardball Times - It’s not what you think. It’s about baseball.

Well, I hope this didn’t undersell Stumble Upon. Depending on what you select as areas of interest, you will get drastically different (and either more or less entertaining) stuff than I’ve shown here.

Give it a try. You won’t be disappointed.