I got two tickets to the Falcons - Patriots game yesterday and invited a buddy to join me. The only stipulation was that he had to drive home since I did that duty last time.
One fabulous point was that Kurt offered to drive there (in my car) but I refused saying I didn’t mind. However, when we got to the entrance of the parking lot, I reached for my wallet and found that…TA DA!!!! I had forgotten the damned thing. I had no license, no ATM card and no freaking money. That led to the totally expected “So Kurt, how many times am I gonna have to blow you to get you to buy my beers for the day?” comment.
We met up with a few of his / our friends in the parking lot for a few beers and blather before heading to the game.
These tickets were courtesy of my mother-in-law who works at Verizon. I (we) get great swag from her often ranging from t-shirts to sweatshirts to game programs from the Auburn football games to event tickets occasionally. I appreciate her even considering me when she gets them, and I very much appreciate the tickets themselves.
Anywho, we got into our seats at about 12:45, and shortly thereafter we met Dawn and Heidi, our two hosts for the day. They both work at Verizon and were our contacts / very gracious hosts.
There were other Verizon folks there but, for those of you that know me, you know that there’s not a chance in hell I remembered there names even five seconds after we were introduced.
Kurt was sitting to my left and Heidi sat down to his left, with her husband Brent between them.
We found both Heidi and her husband to be very nice, sports knowledgable and VERY funny. We had a great time cheering for the Falcons and all the while laughing our asses off about everything from the skanks with the crooked ball caps in front of us with the messages across their asses to the douchebag behind us with the soul chip wearing the Jay Novacek Cowboys jersey circa 1993.
I don’t think it’s necessary to give a count of the number of adult cordials I enjoyed, but I will say that it was about the perfect amount. Kurt did NOT in fact require sexual favors in exchange for cold beers and Dawn was also kind enough to bring me a beer from the VIP area, and that was VERY much appreciated.
It’s here that the day took a dark turn and burned it into my memory forever.
While cheering and high-fiving our way thru the third quarter, I noticed suddenly that Kurt was furiously wiping at Brent’s leg and shorts (on the side that faced him, not his lap you perverts) and I noticed that there had been some spillage. Brent was saying “Dude, it’s no big deal….it’s just beer.”
Only I knew it wasn’t beer. I knew from Kurt’s reaction that there was only one thing that he could have spilled on Brent:
Kurt had spilled his dip spit cup on a total stranger / the spouse of the woman who was our host and is my Mother-In-Law’s boss.
When I leaned behind Kurt (who was still doing the wipe / damage control) and told Brent what had actually been spilled on his leg/pants/shoes, he made a face that he himself described later as one he thought he’d seen while watching “The Crying Game.” Brent also spent a good deal of time in the restroom after that washing and rewashing his hands and wishing he could do the same for his brain.
Kurt was sufficiently apologetic and of course did the right thing by immediately buying the victim a beer, but man, that was high comedy right there.
Anyway, the Falcons got behind, came back, got behind more, came back, successfully hit a two-point conversion to tie the game only to have some shitty officiating and Tom Brady snatch away any chance at victory. Kicker Adam Vinatieri hit from 29 yards with 17 seconds left to beat the Falcons 31-28.
The upside is that the Falcons took the Pats (who’ve won 3 titles in four years) to the last 17 seconds despite horrific officiating and Michael Vick being on the bench. Matt Schaub proved that he’s possibly the best backup in the NFL and a great asset to have being Michael Vick.
Oh, and one more thing. Heidi, if you’re reading this, please don’t let Kurt’s actions get in the way of the budding romance your husband and I are sharing. I promise it won’t happen again…
What say you?