Archive for August 10th, 2005

10
Aug

And just so you don’t say I didn’t warn you…

In recent days / weeks / months, the wife and I have taken great pain (with much help from others) to get my office moved, the nursery started and get Lauren’s “new” room ready for her.

Now, those that know her know full well that there’s no way on God’s green rock that we’d dare broach the subject of moving her to a different room. After all, this is the girl that insists you not leave a sock or receipt on her dresser when she’s going to sleep for the night.

But we have put in new furniture, painted, and assembled her new bed (and moved the crib off and into a corner more or less) trying to encourage her to vacate the crib in favor of said new bed. And actually, the bed’s not new. It’s been in there since she asked for it in January. She just chooses not to sleep in it.

Her crib is one of those birth to lonely death beds that convert from crib to daybed to bed with headboard and back again, so you should “never ever need to buy this child another bed again.”

Unless of course, you decide to have another child and don’t want to invest one thin dime into any crib, new or used, since you have one that most assuredly would get vacated about 2 seconds after the baby came home anywyay.

Now, my initial plan was to remove everything that she has / likes /wants in her crib and putting it in the bed that’s next to her crib. I’m talking no sheets, no pillow, no piggy, no bee-bees, no blanket, no “guys,” nothing. Either that or waiting until the new arrival comes home, and putting her in bed with Lauren.

(Quite frankly I figured that this latter idea would really work and be quite funny. Alas, I was out-voted by the wife).

So, this weekend, we have decided that it’s time slowly start removing parts from the crib to make it less appealing. We will remove the front gate, making it a day bed on Saturday. I feel confident that this will lead to a night of not good sleep, but I plan to Nyquil and Tylenol PM my way through any wimpering.

I’ll keep you posted…

10
Aug

Crazy eyed psycho bride update…

So, I walk in the house last night and flip on the local news, expecting to see some illegals have shot up another restaurant named after table seasonings, or maybe some more dumbass kids injured or killed thanks to not enough driver’s training by their parents and being handed the keys to way too powerful a vehicle, or quite possibly some more infuriating coverage of the missing pretty white girl in Aruba.

What I got for 15 minutes were images of a strangely familiar face wearing an orange vest and mowing some foot tall grass.

Then suddenly, it hits me. “Fuck me,” I said to myself. “It’s that runaway whore again, and the three local network afilliates are actually covering her doing community service.”

That’s right, people. Instead of doing stories on judges that get hammered at lunch or the latest Amber alert or a person arrested for leaving their dog in the car too long, I’m watching Miss Jennifer “he’ll never marry me” Wilbanks pushing the Husqvarna in front of some county office.

There she was in an orange / red ball cap that said “life is good” on it and she’s stalling the fucking mower every ten feet. And then she has to wheel it over to the sidewalk to get one of the figuratively fellating news goobers to re-start the mower. Then, she’d head back out, take too wide a cut of grass too tall and too wet, stall it, and repeat as necessary.

The funny thing is, with all of that news coverage, no one got the details of the fucking story straight. They all ran the same footage of some county manager broad saying Jennifer was being treated like anyone else, and that she’d be cleaning offices, washing cars, mowing lawns, picking up trash, etc.

But one station said Jenny’d done 24 hours of her 200ish total, while another said 32 hours had been completed, and still another said 27 or so.

Oh, and she’s paid a “portion” of the $3500 fine. Daddy’s loaded and she’s wearing twenty five grand on her boney crazy-assed finger, but she can’t show up for the first day of perp-walk with a check?

Please.

Anyway, there she is getting interviewed over and over again, all the while NOT mowing the god damned lawn and still getting credit for her 24/27/32/ one million hours of time served.

How about you put a pedometer on her crazy ass and link it to a clock that stops every time she stops? Maybe then she’d get some shit done.

Oh, and footage of her getting into her Lexus with a damp brow stating that she just wanted everyone to know she was serving her sentence and not getting away with anything made me think “self, me thinks she be getting away with something here.”

Oh well. Maybe I’ll flip to Fox and see how great the shrub is and how they still haven’t found that hot chick…




 

August 2005
S M T W T F S
« Jul   Sep »
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031