Something I forgot before… at Functionally ReTodded

Has anyone seen the new seasons of “The Surreal Life” and also “Celebrity Fit Club?”

Best. TV. Ever.

Or worst, depending upon how you see it. On The Surreal Life, self-titled supermodel Janet Dickinson travels with and won’t start a day without her two-man homosexual hair and makeup team. It’s comical. Bronson Pinchot is a fat cartoon of the Balke he used to be, but he is funny and continually corrects Omerosa for making up words and denying they’re made up words. Then, Dickinson and the rest go bowling with some special needs kids, and Janet proceeds to call them retards to their faces.

Jose Canseco is the nice guy of the bunch, which is the ultimate surprise. During a book signing, everyone is stunned at all the shit he takes. One guy steps up and says “can you sign it To Matt, sorry I killed baseball.” Another says “were you on roid rage then?” Canseco just lets it roll off his back. Amazing.

Now, for celebrity fit club, we have a few funny things.

Willie Aames (from Eight is Enough and Charles in Charge) is a fat christian superhero that is covered in tats and wears bad underpants.

Janie Lane from Warrant is 6′ and 190, and looks like an orange between two toothpicks (thanks Mike Myers). I mean, I’ve seen better legs on a walker.

Phil Margera (Bam’s dad) is 353 pounds and thinks cotton candy is better for you than an apple because it’s lighter.

Gary Bussey is crazier than a shithouse rat, spouting every 12 step culty acronym “TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More” and so many more.

Jackee is on, as is the Snapple broad who was on LAST SEASON!!! Add in Victoria Jackson and a plus sized supermodel, and it’s entertainment ahoy.

This week, my favorite part (although I missed the entire story) was that Janie Lane lost zero pounds (the only one to do this) and thinks he’s being sabotaged. Ummmm…yes Janie. Someone is sabotaging your Celebrity Fit Club 2 performance. They would have sabotaged your career but, well, let’s be honest. You haven’t had a career since Cherry Pie. I mean, is THIS the guy girls swooned over while he sang “Heaven?”

And remember, this is a publicity shot for the show, so it’s the BEST one they got!!