This is a blog about nothing more than stuff that’s run thru my head over the last couple of days.
I love my daughter more than life itself, but apparently a good night’s sleep is a close second. After two nights of getting up in the middle of the damn night, Lauren has returned to her usual sleeping hours of 8pm-7:30am. Hoo-fucking-ray.
I did not watch baseball’s All Star game. I will never watch it again after Bud “the horse cock” Selig managed to engineer the worst possible outcome to last year’s game: A fucking tie.
Anyway, during the game, Joe Buck (son of one of the planet’s greatest announcers) and Tim McCarver (the most hated ex-athlete that announces for a living on the planet) started discussing some sanscrit looking banner in the outfield. They talked and talked and just couldn’t figure out what “HHRYA” meant.
Oh, did they forget to mention that they were paid by fucking Chevrolet to talk about said banner? No? They didn’t? Really? You mean they tried to lead you to believe that this was a random observation and conversation between two people whose credibility is critical to their jobs? Fox is full of asshats and douchebags and will stop at nothing to be a whore. I hate Fox and everything it stands for and everything they’ve ever done.
Except Married…with children, The Family Guy (even though all they did is add it since their reality laden tv has left them with no actual shows), Arrested Development, Hell’s Kitchen, The Simpsons (even though they tried to fuck Matt Groenig over, despite the fact that he’s earned them roughly 15 billion god damned dollars), King of the Hill and That 70’s show.
Hockey has decided to settle their little squabble. Oh, did I mention that the player’s union not only didn’t get what they wanted, they got about half of what they were offered before they left or got locked out or whatever happened. Combine that with the fact that there’s no TV contract and a high profile player (Roenick) told fans “if you don’t like it…stay away!” and you’ve got a sport ripe for collapse. Oh, and did I forget to add that commissioner Gary Bettman and union leader Bob Goodenow should be forced to give every male fan that buys a ticket to an NHL game a free hand job at the door because this is entirely their fault?
Kentucky Speedway is suing ISC for bad business practices because they didn’t get a Cup race despite doing everything NASCAR asked them to do. Oh, and the fact that NASCAR and ISC are the same thing, run by the same family of idiots like Brian France. Look for the Mattioli and Bahre families as well as the folks that run every other track NOT owned by ISC to watch this one very closely, with an unsigned lawsuit in one hand and a lawyer in the other.
Lance Armstrong is leading and trying to win his 7th consecutive and final Tour De France. If he does, it will go down as one of the top sports records that will never be broken.
I watched the movie about Mickey Mantle last night on HBO, and I was reminded why I liked “the Mick” so much. Yes, his entire career is a big “yeah, but what if he…” moment, and yes he carroused and drank and other crap. But the guy was the face of baseball for a decade or more and he was revered by more kids than anyone before or since. His story was heroic, tragic, wasteful, overindulgent, sad, and ultimately, heroic again. Warts and all, Mickey Mantle is still and will always be one of America’s top five American icons.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. won a race he ought not have won and Jeff Gordon ran like shit…again. I could hardly have been happier over a sporting event than I was this past Sunday. My absolute NASCAR fantasy would be that Junior pulls a Jeremy Mayfield and wins at Richmond to make the chase and on the second to last lap, Jeff Gordon gets wrecked by Robby Gordon and goes on to miss The Chase by one point.
Our old friend Kieth Warffel is coming to visit tonight. We know keith from the Sigma Pi house at Wake Forest where my friend Hoss went to college. Keef is one of those people that, even if you never see them again, you will always remember and talk about from college. Can’t wait to wolf down a steak and taters with him tonight.
South Carolina’s football team is facing NCAA troubles, including five “serious” violations that occured under the “leadership” of Lou Holtz. I hope they get shit-hammered and the old ball coach, Steve Spurrier, suffers because of it.
Tiger Woods made 7 birdies in 13 holes today at “The Open Championship” and finished the first round with a six under 66. No one will catch him. He will win this week. Period.
The wife decided to try to come up with a middle name for the new urchin by combining the middle names of her mom, my mom and my stepmom. Love, Martha, and Ann. Nice sentiment, honey. Good luck with that.
We recently got a letter from our homeowner’s association management company after they noticed “a bit of black mildew” on our house. It’s one square fucking foot over the front door. Their recommendation is to pressure wash the house and / or painting the house…within 15 days…of our receipt of the letter.
Thanks. We were planning on painting in the spring. But there’s nothing quite like getting nine days to pick someone to pay three grand to for something you don’t have in the 2005 house budget. However, I’ll take this over the ghetto-esque and covenantless neighborhood we left when we bought this house. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t bitch about it. Because I can. And will.
I was just talking with a “member” of our marketing team about corporate America and corporate Canada’s take on our new line of vibrators or “personal massagers.” Sales are thru the roof even though grocery and drug stores are torn on whether or not to carry them.
Anyway, we were discussing what products cost to get to market vs. what they cost the consumer, and while one generates about 57% and the other 92%, I was thinking back to college about how condoms used to cost a LOT more than they do now. I mentioned that a dozen (or a year’s worth) used to cost between $11 and $12 in Auburn, and how that was a LOT of money in college dollars.
My solution: Buy two cases of Milwaukee’s best light and 8 packs of Ramen noodles and get a hand job.
Better birth control statistics and WAY more fun afterwards. I think I am going to start a marketing campaign for this strategy now. If only I could get a beer and ramen or beer and mac and cheese tie in, I’d be golden.
Happy Thursday everyone. Gotta go and do some stuff. More brilliant insights to follow…
What say you?