Functionally ReTodded

I found a blog courtesy of Larry Wachs and www.regularguys.com called Trash Dog. I don’t know who the guy is and I’ve only read one entry, but I like some of his ideas.

Now, I obviously am not in favor of all of these things, but they should make for interesting debate around the old beer table over the weekend.

His blog states:

IF I WERE KING:

YOU COULD NOT VOTE in STATE or FEDERAL ELECTIONS IF YOU COULD NOT IDENTIFY:

the President
the Vice-President
the Speaker of the House
your Congressional House Representative
your Senators
the Secretary of State

Reason: You are obviously too stupid to vote!

B.) YOU COULD NOT, have Children if you are earning MINIMUM WAGE.

Reason: You can’t afford them, don’t expect somebody else to pay for them!

C.) IF YOU ARE ON WELFARE:

1.) You Could NOT buy a Lottery Ticket.

Reason: You are pissing away OTHER PEOPLE’S MONEY!

2.) You Could NOT buy anything but cheap cuts of meat, (neckbones, ox-tails, pigs feet, etc.) with your FOODSTAMPS.

Reason: Why should you eat Steak when the people you are getting your money from are eating Rahman Noodles.

3.) You Could NOT Buy cigarettes or Alchohol.

Reason: IF you smoke your are an IDIOT, if your buying booze, use that money to feed your sorry ass instead of using MY money!

4.) Every Child you download while being on Welfare would immediately be put up for adoption, no parental rights, no contact period!

Reason: Why the hell are you having kids when you won’t even support your own sorry ass!

5.) When you swiped your EBT card or turned in FOODSTAMPS at the grocery store, a giant red beacon at the register would start flashing and a loud alarm would sound off to let every tax payer in the store know that another sorry-ass is buying food with THEIR money!

Reason: Maybe if you were humiliated every time you spent someone else’s money, you might get off your sorry ass and get a job!

D.) IF YOU WANTED GUN CONTROL

You would have to put a sign up on your front door stating that there are and never will be guns allowed on this property.

Reason: Criminals would LOVE you, and they just might stay away from me and my family!

On a note that will not have me accused of being a racist or a facist, Lauren got to go fishing for the second time in her life last night after I got home from work. Uncle Todd and cousin Jack were going and invited us, and that’s a pretty nice gesture coming from an angler as serious as young Jack.

At 8 years old he doesn’t want to corn or bread fish with bobbers under the dock. He wants to baitcast and look for lunkers. He was very patient with Lauren (as he often is) and she had a great time.

Lauren only stopped catching fish when she was tired of fishing or watching me chase crickets that fell out of the bait box. In about 15 minutes of actual fishing, she caught six fish (two perch and four brim) and had a GREAT time doing it.

She also tried to lure ducks with crackers, found that a chain makes a wonderful noise when banged on a dock piling, that when you jump on those steel plates that link one section of the dock to another, it makes a great noise too, and that fish stink.

She ate about half a pound of boiled peanuts, and only stopped because I put them away.

My favorite uncomfortable moment of the evening however, occured when Lauren was standing with Uncle Todd and I was asking Jack what he was fishing for and where was he looking?

Jack replied that “This spot right here used to be my honey hole.”

Ummm…what? Did I just hear an 8 year old utter the phrase “honey hole?”

Uncle Todd got a big laugh when I told him that.

Next stop: weekend butt and brisket cooking along with a little racing at Talladega.

Cheers everybody!