Functionally ReTodded

Last Friday, I got home from work at the regular time and the wife asked me to blow out the garage. I responded in my usual way, which was to drop my shoulders slightly, say “Yes dear,” and head outside to one of those task I loathe.

Except I don’t loathe it for any particular reason other than I don’t like doing anything yardwork related. I am much better about it now because I am proud of my house and my yard and my community, so I do it more often and put more effort into it.

But just for the record, I still hate it.

Anyway, I got changed, headed out to the garage and reached for the leaf blower, only it wasn’t there. So I did the casual “hey, where’d you use it last?” search that led me to the rest of the garage, the deck, the area under the deck, and then my nephew’s house.

All of these searches turned up nothing, so I waited for my nephew and brother-in-law to get home so I could find out if either of them borrowed it. Turns out, they did not.

Know what that means? It means someone, some little peckerhead, walked into my garage and stole my $200 fucking leaf blower.

It’s a green Poulan, which is a little embarassing since my brother in law recommended it to me as “the one I’d buy,” then he proceeded to buy a nice manly red Toro. Thanks, asshole.

But I had grown to like it. It was very forgiving and easy to use. It started quickly, it didn’t freak out when my nephew spilled gas all over it, even though it never seemed to finish spilling said fuel.

I am still floored that someone walked into my garage and took this thing, but left my $180 weedeater. I guess he was too lazy to look up and see it hanging from the top shelf.

The thing is, it’s not a very common blower. If I see some little dickhead using it or one very much like it, I may inquire as to it’s origin. You never know what I might find.

Next time, I’ll be smart enough to deface it with a sharpie and some sort of branding impliment so no one will want to take it or be able to do anything with it.

Crime. It’s tough when it hits so close to home.