Functionally ReTodded

would it make a noise and if it did, would anyone south of Boston give a shit?

Wednesday, Commissioner Gary Bettman announced the cancellation of the 2004-2005 NHL season. As if everyone didn’t already know that was the case.

Shame on the NHL and shame on the players’ association for not getting a deal done, but I put much more of the blame on the owners as this “negotiation” came down to the wire.

I understand that the league was losing less money by not playing than it would have by having a season this year. I also understand that when push came to shove, the players gave in and accepted a salary cap. Okay, the sides were about 7 million per team apart, but couldn’t they just say “alright, let’s split that in half and play hockey?”

I mean Holy Christ people, two kids arguing over 10 bucks would work it out that way. Why is this any different? The NHL’s primary goal was to get a salary cap approved by the players, and they finally did. And what did the NHL do when that momentus event occurred?

They left the negotiating table.

Gary Bettman is a mindless troll and the professional sports commissioner equivalent of Joe Hazelwood and this lockout / strike / cluster fuck is the reef.

The first thing that needs to happen is that Bettman and Goodenow (the players’ association rep) need to be fired, deported, flogged, tarred and feathered and finally forced to pay for four tickets plus a program, four dogs, four beers, and two cokes and parking to a game at an NHL arena for every day of the next season so they understand what the fans go thru to see a hockey game.

Then, all current contracts need to be voided by the end of the season in 2006. That means no team would own any player, and the owners would be free to sign whomever they’d like using the “fiscal restraint” they all droned on and on about all year. That way, they’d only pay as much as they could afford…right?

Wrong.

Those douchebags would end up overspending like every professional sports owner because they can’t control themselves. If Mr. Iginla or Heatley were free agents, for example, owners would bid each other out of their minds, then they’d be left with not enough to get a competetive team.

While the business model in the NHL was certainly flawed and the owners needed help, they really needed help to protect them from themselves. And the fact is that without that help, the owners would follow the same path that got them where they are right now anyway.

The biggest issue is this, however. Very few people give one hot shit whether the NHL plays another game ever, let alone this season or the next one. For every crying Canuck there are 1,000 or more others who say “No hockey? Huh…didn’t even notice.”

And the last television network interested in carrying hockey (ESPN) may opt out of televising the NHL next season, meaning that all of the teams would be in HUGE trouble, because no TV = no league. Period. Atlanta lost the Flames 25 years ago because, despite full houses every night, it’s TV revenue that pays the freight and the Flames had no tv contract. Imagine an entire league with no TV contract. Hell, Major League Soccer and the WNBA DO have a tv contract and no one gives a shit about them.

I’ll say this for the NHL, when they screw up, they screw up huge.

Congrats guys. You will forever be known as the generation that killed professional hockey in North America. That’ll look GREAT on your resumes.