Functionally ReTodded

Saturday night, the across-the-street in-laws and I decided on a nice quiet dinner of Egged shrimp, scallops, baked potatoes, Bud Lights and a viewing of the ESPN’s “biopic” movie about the life of Dale Earnhardt titled “3″.

The scallops and shrimp were wonderful, by the way. Just the right doneness and amazingly prepped by my wife and her sister. As soon as I get the recipe, I’ll let you know.

Now, before we get started here I want to say a couple of things about books turned into movies, biographical movies (authorized AND unauthorized), and biographical cinema in general.

More often than not, if you were or are a big fan of the subject of the movie, then the movie really isn’t for you. You see, anything made with the level of detail that would satisfy a fan is too deep for a 90 to 120 minute snapshot on that subject.

Another problem is just that: the movie is a 90 to 120 minute snapshot. There’s no way to make every detail perfect and not leave anything out. Like in the movie “Blackhawk Down.” The script writer and director made a character out of six or seven participants in the book because there was no way to have them all in there 100% accurate. It’s impossible.

ESPN wasn’t trying to make “Roots” or “The Blue and The Gray” here. They were making a made for cable TV movie about a man who was bigger than life to casual race fans, but almost too big to his fans. They were in a lose-lose situation.

As for authorized vs. unauthorized biographies, that’s more often way more about money than content. Barry Pepper talks of sitting down for hours with Dale Jr. to talk about his dad and their life and racing and lots of other stuff. Authorized or not, that’s where that stuff should come from.

The fact that the movie wasn’t “authorized” by Theresa or Richard Childress simply means that they didn’t get the money they wanted to be involved in the project. I posted at a messageboard this morning that whether it was “authorized” by RC is irrelevant. There isn’t a story out there that hasn’t been told by RC about Dale that was gonna get told for this movie. If it hasn’t been told by now, it’s not going to get told ever…authorization payment received or not. So that’s all of no concern to me and, quite frankly, sounds a bit sour grapes-ish. ESPN broadcast NASCAR for years, brought them to the forefront in televised sports, and many people there already knew many of the stories.

Now, let’s move along to the review.

I think it was a lot to ask for one guy to play senior from ages 16-49, but Pepper did as good a job as one could expect. I was impressed with his study of carriage and mannerisms much like his work in *61 (the movie about Roger Maris’ chase of the Babe).

I heard that the guy originally cast to play Junior was replaced by a guy who was an instructor at a driving school Pepper was attending, and that guy hit Junior’s speech and cadence when talking about dead-on. Everyone in the room agreed that these two did a good job, as did the actress that played Theresa. Obviously, Vern Schillinger from Oz was a good choice to play Ralph. That guy has a presence that was perfect for at least what I considered to be the “idea” of Ralph.

Maybe Childress decided not to authorize the movie when he found out that they had cast a very short fatass to play him, and he didn’t like that.

I also thought they did a good job picking things that were relevant to the story and those that were not. Obviously, when the character dropped the “rattle his cage” remark while driving a wrangler chevy in the early 80’s, that wasn’t historically accurate. I attribute this to the script people and the producers wanting things to get in but not having time, so they combine a couple of factual events into one event. While it wasn’t 1999 at Bristol, it was used to make a point about the man and the driver while not wasting 15 minutes telling the story.

The same goes for the deal with Ralph dying in the garage. He didn’t. He died in the kitchen of that house, but it’s not really relevant to the story. Hell, many people (drivers and announcers) STILL perpetuate this myth, but it doesn’t really matter. Ralph died early in Dale’s life and left him with plenty of questions.

Here are a couple things I liked about the movie in particular:

The scene where Junior, T. Wayne Robertson, RC and Dale sat in a cheap hotel room working out what would be the greatest patnership in NASCAR’s history over cheap bourbon and a handshake. That’s good stuff.

I liked how they took the time to handle the Kerry situation so people’d know what the deal was if they didn’t already. I think that probably really ate at Senior over the years, but there’s just wasn’t much he could do other than try to put Kerry in cars whenver he could later in his life. To me, that seemed real.

I liked the guy that played Neil Bonnett and the way the character of Bonnett was written and portrayed. If you’ve read about these two at all, you know that there was a lot of middle-school type goofing between them, so I figure even if it’s not spot on accurate, it was a good effort to capture them. Especially the part where, after winning a title in his second year, Dale shows neil a new rifle he’s gotten. Neil says “Man, I gotta get me one of them.” Dale pulls a second identical rifle out of the case and Neil says “now I gotta get me TWO of them things.” That’s funny stuff.

(I’d like to find out if it is true or not), but I like the moment where Junior had to tell Senior about Neil’s death. That’s the kind of stuff that is tough to get right on screen and they did a good job with it.

Overall I enjoyed the tough love relationship shared between all three generations and how it was adapted.

I enjoyed that they sort of brought the screwdriver story to light. If you weren’t a big Earnhardt fan or someone who’s read about this, then it may have gone over your head. I think this was a little “Easter Egg” for folks that were bigtime fans.

See, Ralph found that there was a particular screwdriver at Sears that, when it was cut down to the right length, made the perfect unbreakable axle key. When he did, he went to Sears and bought every one of those screwdrivers so no one else could buy them and do the same thing. That’s a good Ralph Earnhardt story.

Now for some stuff I didn’t like. The “Ralph’s dead in the garage deal” was uneccessary. His father being dead was enough, and changing that wouldn’t have added to the time needed like the “rattle his cage” stuff would have.

While it didn’t matter, the radio chatter and stuff (especially during the 1998 Daytona 500) was just plain silly. There was no reason for it, and I’m sure that RC and Dale weren’t re-living 1990 under green with 10 to go in 1998.

As for stuff that didn’t matter, we all knew that they couldn’t and wouldn’t pay to use daytona or the actual tracks for the racing footage. They used Rockingham. They needed an available cheap track that was close because this wasn’t a 60 million dollar epic. They couldn’t afford to worry about that stuff.

Overall, I thought the movie was quite good. Could they have used a better script? Sure. Were some of the actors bad or at least poorly cast? Maybe. But since they didn’t have 20 hours to tell the story, I think it was as good as any biography I’ve seen adapted to television. I mean, you can bet there were some inaccuracies in the movies “The Miracle” or “Rudy,” but that didn’t stop them from being good movies that made you feel many of your emotions while you watched.

I give it a four out of five stars. Hell, I watched the last half hour again last night (since the wife fell asleep during that part Saturday). We both agreed (and me still) that it was a good movie. I think I’m going to order the DVD.

I am having a difficult time putting my feelings into words right now, so bear with me.

First of all, I want to congratulate the Auburn Football team for doing what no other Auburn football team has done; going 12-0. They also won their first outright SEC title since 1987 and won their first SEC title since the conference implimented the Championship game format.

A year ago, the program was in disarray and the coach was one poorly executed plane trip away from being fired by an over-zealous and too empowered booster with a fat checkbook. Since that day, the team is undefeated and has won 14 games in a row. They have now beated four teams that were in the top 15 at the time the games were played, and two of those games were won away from Jordan-Hare Stadium.

On championship weekend, the big three all played. USC won by five over a shitty UCLA team with a 6-5 record, and that was thanks in part to an official who blew dead a clear and obvious fumble that would have been returned for a UCLA touchdown.

Oklahoma played in it’s conference title game against a four-loss Colorado team that can’t throw the ball. The result was a 40 plus point beatdown, but what did anyone expect?

Auburn played 15th ranked Tennessee and was attempting to do one of the toughest things to do in college football: beating a team twice in the same year.

With the exception of a 15 yard shanked punt and a punt snap that Kody Bliss missed while having an apparent thrombosis, Auburn led 21-7 at the half and had held UT to 46 yards of offense. While the Auburn running game was held up, Jason Campbell threw it all over the ball field and, when his receivers were covered, he ran for yardage on his own. This despite several late hits to the head, low hits at his knees and ankles, and various other assaults outside the realm of good sportsmanship.

Tennessee scored on a pass play that was incorrectly ruled a touchdown, since the ball clearly touched the turf, and that’s where the momentum of the game changed. I think it was also at that point that the scoreboard began to reflect Auburn’s last title hopes dying as the Oklahoma-Colorado score would have begun showing the beat-down that was occuring.

Auburn was tied 21-21 and in jeapordy of losing it most important game ever, but senior QB Jason Campbell would have none of it.

Auburn won going away 38-28, and the only place the game looked close was on the scoreboard.

I can’t believe that an undefeated SEC team is not playing for a title, but I guess we can thank Jeff Sagarin and the other dicks that keep voting USC number one to make up for what happened to them last year. All I know is that they better think that way next year, because it’s Auburn that got screwed this year.

And what’s better is that Auburn gets to play one of the three hottest teams in the country in my opinion. Virginia Tech is talented, very athletic and one of the most well coached teams in the country and they WILL come to play on January 3rd.

I hope our kids can shake off this travesty and focus on making the pollsters look like idiots. Maybe an Oklahoma win in a butt-ugly game and a great Auburn performance could help.

What’s the definition of pragmatic? Going undefeated and chanting “We’re number TWO!!”

War Eagle

Apparently Jason Giambi, recently the non-playing and “sick” first baseman of the New York Yankees, admitted to a Grand Jury that he “injected anabolic steroids and human growth hormone (HGH) as recently as 2003. And he apparently got them thru BALCO and (surprise) the same guy that is Barry Bonds’ trainer, once Greg Anderson.

Since that Grand Jury testimony was given, Giambi repeatedly denied using any steroids, HGH, or anything else to anyone and everyone that would listen.

Jason’s brother Jeremy also admitted to the grand jury that he used steroids.

Now, Barry is denying he’s done any steroids and Gary Sheffield’s denying he’s done any steroids, but one by one, the lesser (and bigger) players in this deal are seeing their testimony coming into the the public eye where they admitted that they DID do steroids. It seems that anyone associated with this special “trainer” Greg Anderson is coming up dirty.

It’s a good thing that Major League Baseball has such a tough steroid policy, or this story may not have been brought to our attention. (cough…cough…sarcasm…cough).

Never mind if the steroids and human growth hormones were illegal in baseball or not. They are illegal to use in the United States. I want to know where the Federal criminal charges against all parties involved are. Anyone?

The fact that these guys (Sheff, the Giambis, Marion Jones, Bonds and many others) are running around denying this shit and acting like Pete Rose did any time someone asked him about gambling (getting uber defensive, denying it implicitly and acting like the person asking had personally assaulted him) is appalling. These clowns are messing with people’s careers by insisting they’re being lied about, yet when it turns out the reporters weren’t lying and the athletes were, nothing is done.

I have never denied that Barry Bonds was a special and gifted athlete. Whether it’s steroids, HGH, crank, lighter fluid or antifreeze he’s using, being able to perform at this level for this length of time defies logic or reason. That’s why it’s a shame that, in the final analysis, all of Bonds’ numbers and accomplishments are going to be ignored and lumped into the statement “yeah, but he was on steroids.” It’s a pity he and the others are too dumb to see that.

And now, just so you don’t think that every entry in this blog will be like the one above, here’s a great joke I read today:

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ”

“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, the vet says “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”

“No, because he’s really heavy.”

I will be breaking down the SEC championship game either later today or tomorrow, so I expect you all to be planted firmly on the edge of your seats waiting for that one.

War Eagle everybody!