Posted by FRT on Dec 1, 2004 in
Uncategorized She apparently was named hottest Housewife of the Year by FHM magazine. Yeah, if her husband makes 8 plus million a year, I’m sure she’s scrubbing toilets and getting the tuna helper ready before Daddy gets home after the game.
Seriously, I wanted to post this little interview so that ten or so years from now, when you see someone with the last name Benson on the Maury Povich show, you’ll know why…
Here is part of the FHM interview with Mother Benson (or should we call her Tiffani and dot the i’s with hearts)? Anywhoo…
Is Shea Stadium the worst place to have sex?
We haven’t had sex at Shea yet. We’ve done Three Rivers, PNC Park and the Pirates’ spring-training camp. We really like the highway. Kris’s two-seat Ferrari is small quarters for sex, but there’s other stuff to do. I think all couples do things like that; they just don’t talk about it.
Has he ever gone Bull Durham and worn your underwear?
No, but for Christmas, I gave him pictures of me naked in his jersey. He was thrilled. Any guy who gets naked pictures from his girl will lose it. Baseball has the hottest uniforms. I love their tight pants.
How exciting is the actual game?
Three and a half hours a day, for 162 days, of fucking baseball is a lot of boredom. There’s nothing to do, so I come up with fantasies. Owning a team would be fun. I’d have rules about cheating on your wife because that’s out of control. One, they wouldn’t be going out and getting hammered every night. Two, I’d allow wives on road trips so players aren’t chasing ass all night. And I’d always be in the locker room. If I’m paying them millions to play for me, I should be able to watch them walk around naked. I don’t think they’d object. Men will show that thing to anybody.
Who would be the first players you traded for?
Mark Mulder, Rickie Sexton, Barry Zito, Jeff Weaver—he’s a cutie pie.
How close are you to the other wives?
We don’t have slumber parties. I don’t even know any of the Mets wives yet. Wives never get the credit we deserve. Baseball should worship us for what we do for their talent. When Kris had Tommy John surgery, he couldn’t move his arms for a week. Every time he went to the bathroom, I had to help him. Plus, he couldn’t hold down his pain medication. We were flying home from the hospital and we had to squeeze into the plane’s bathroom together so I could stick suppositories up his ass to keep him from throwing up.
How did you celebrate his return?
I probably got hammered. I’m usually hammered anyway. If he’s doing well after two innings, I just party. Kris gets so pissed after every game because he’ll come get me and I’m wasted. I won’t even know who won.
For the record, my wife and I almost never have sex in our Ferarri. But that’s because I’m such a stickler about the upholstery.
And I can’t really pass judgement on her about being hammered after games, because that’s what football season’s like at my house. But I’m not out AT THE STADIUM with the kids doing it. I am already at home, and my kid is at home either napping, in bed for the night, or imitatting me by tottering around the house saying “budweiser please” or “daddy’s cold beer.”
I’m not making light of this, I’m just saying that it’s odd to feel compelled to tell a glorified titty magazine interviewer so much.
Since Kris played at Clemson, anyone wanna bet he met his now wife while doing a two for one table dance at the Pink Pony after a tough six innings against Georgia Tech?
Check out the well-rounded Mrs. Benson at anna benson dot net and look at her favorite links. Hell, check out the entire site. It won’t take long. I just like how she blathers on about charity, but her favorite sites are makeup and vodka.
Housewife of the year indeed…
Posted by FRT on Dec 1, 2004 in
Uncategorized I had a friend and roomate years ago who was cousins with then Pirate shortstop Jay Bell. Jay was a good ball player who did the little things well. He led the league in sacrifice bunts for several years, played steady defense and always used his head.
Jay credited much of his success to his wife, who got him to do some funny things on the field. One of the funniest was when she saw him strike out and read his lips while he was in the middle of a tirade on camera. She told him that kids were watching, and that if he wanted to swear like that, he should do it into his hat or glove.
Later, there was not much funnier than tuning into a Pirates game and seeing Jay strike out, just so he would yank his helmet off, cover his face, and you could see his head bob up and down as he was screaming into it.
Move forward to 2004, and Jay (in the twilight or more of his career), signs a minor league deal with the Mets, the same team that signed former Pirate pitching star Kris Benson to a big contract just a couple of weeks ago. The fact that these two are both ex-pirates is where the similarities end.
It seems that Mrs. Benson is a former model and stripper and has three kids with Mr. Benson. She is taking credit for negotiating much of the deal he got with the Mets. She also issued this amusing statement / challenge in the New York Post just this week. Here is an exerpt:
ANNA Benson, the former model and stripper who is married to Mets pitcher Kris Benson, vowed yesterday that if she ever catches her husband cheating, she’ll have sex with all his teammates.
The buxom brunette, proclaimed “Baseball’s Hottest Wife” by FHM magazine, said on Howard Stern‘s nationally syndicated radio show:
“I told him [Kris] — because that’s the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time — I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I’m going to s- – -w everybody on your entire team — coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team.”
“Mike Piazza just did a back flip,” Stern said, egging her on. “Even the coaches? What about, like, the bat boys?”
“Everybody would get a turn,” Anna pledged. “If my husband cheated on me and embarrassed me like that, I will embarrass him more than he could ever imagine.”
Even Robin Quivers got in on it: “What about groundskeepers?”
“If I’m lining them up,” Anna said, “I’ll [also] circle into other teams. Whatever team he’s playing, I will s- – -w all them too.”
Stern asked: “What if your husband, the great pitcher, comes to you and says, ‘Honey, I need two women at the same time. I need you to do that for me?’ ”
Anna replied, “You know, if that’s what he came to me and said that he needed, then that’s what he would get, because he is my entire universe. I adore my husband. He’s a saint . . . he took me out of hell” — a reference to her years on her own.
She added that she and Benson are so into each other, they’ve had sex in many of the stadiums where he’s pitched, including PNC Park and Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh.
“We’re very busy because we have three children,” she said. “You know what, whenever we get the time to do it, we do it. If it happens to be there, that’s where we do it.
“I take total care of him,” Anna continued, taking credit for the negotiations for Benson’s most recent contract that guarantees him $22.5 million over three years, with an option for 2008 that would push the total package to $29.5 million.
“I helped with negotiations . . . I went back and forth a lot with that. He didn’t even have anything to do with that. I did that deal . . . I laid out a lot of the terms.”
Umm…what? You are threatening your husband by saying if he cheats on you, you’ll gang bang the National League? Wow. Where’s Doug Christie’s wife when we need her?