Functionally ReTodded

and I couldn’t be more excited. This year will mark the second year in our new house, and the first year that we’ve hosted Thanksgiving at our house.

We had spent a good deal of time waffling about who was going to make what and all of that business, when out of the blue, a vision appeared courtesy of some site thru MSNBC.COM or Paul Prudhomme or some such place, and the word itself is magic:

Turducken.

Huh? What’d you say again?

I said Turducken.

The Turducken is a magical beast prepared in the following manner:

You debone a turkey and lay it out flat, line it with Andoulle sausage stuffing, then lay a de-boned duck on top of that and line the duck with more andoulle sausage stuffing, then finally you wrap all of that around a deboned chicken and you stuff that with cornbread stuffing. The entire thing is tied up nicely, covered in a cajun seasoning, vacuum sealed and frozen.

I searched high and low for this entity. I checked our local butcher, but theirs were $125 bucks, and obviously outsourced from someone else.

Then I found one online that I could order from CajunGrocer.com for about $85 shipped, but that still seemed a bit high to me.

Finally, I found a place called Cajun Meat Company. They are located at 2207 Roswell Road in Marietta, in the East Lake Village Shopping Center by Marshall’s.

The beast is 17 pounds and thawing nicely. It will be cooked on the Big Green Egg and should be delightful.

We are also enjoying keeping a running Turducken Photo Diary on the Big Green Egg messageboard.

I will have more as the week goes along regarding the birds.

Oh, one thing about Auburn’s position in the polls right now. Part of the deal is strength of schedule, and that’s what builds up teams like USC and Oklahoma’s rating. As we speak, some fucking west coast prick has Georgia ranked 16th and Arizona State 8th.

Read that again. UGA is 16th in his poll, and ARIZONA FUCKING STATE is ranked 8th. And I just found out that the same douchebag has Texam A&M ranked 10th!! That does a LOT to build USC’s BCS ranking, and it’s based on shit.

Combined with the fact that the coach’s poll will be secretly done on December 5th, this entire system is conspiring to fuck one of the two best teams in the country. I am sorry about my language, but this has gotten absolutely ridiculous. There must be some accountability, or the whole system is fraudulent and a sham. Oh wait. The BCS IS fraudulent and a sham.

That said, only three things will help us. Two of them are to yell Go IRISH for the rest of this week and Go Iowa State and Go Bruins next week.

The third thing that could help (but I’m sure not much) is to do everything in our power to beat the living shit out of Tennessee. Running up the score? You’re damn right, Phil. Sorry about that honor thing, but there are bigger things at stake. I hope I see flea flickers, reverses, fake kicks and every no-huddle play imaginable from Tuberville and the staff.

War Eagle and screw any teams west of the Mississippi!!

Well, it’s mid-morning on the East coast and I am sitting here running numbers thru my head trying to figure out what’s going to happen in the Iron Bowl, which is just over 29 hours away.

The game is being played in Tuscaloosa, which should be an advantage to Alabama. However, In the two times the game has been played in Bryant Denny Stadium, Auburn has won.

Alabama has one of the stingiest defenses in the country, and were ranked number one in overall defense as recently as last week. Conversely, Auburn has one of the most potent and balanced offensive attacks in the nation. Also, I don’t think Bama has faced an attack with two great runners, a great line, a poised QB and good receivers and a tight end as well.

Bama is missing it’s starting offensive backfield from the start of the season. The fact that they’ve won six games is a testament to the coaching and heart of the players.

Alabama simply cannot throw the football, which is a good thing, because Auburn’s defensive backfield is second to none. Bama can run the ball however. Unfortunately for them, with no passing game to keep the defense honest, Auburn will probably stack nine in the box, play man on the corners, and dare Bama to run, and I don’t think they’ll be able to do it.

Auburn is also 9-0 when they score first. The Tuberville way is to get one quick and early to get your crowd into it if you’re at home and to quiet the other team’s crowd if you’re on the road.

You can never tell what is going to happen in rivalry games. In this exact game 15 years ago, Bama came into Auburn #2 in the country, undefeated at 10-0 and looking for yet another national championship. They were summarily trounced 30-20 in a game in which the score was closer than the actual game. That could very well happen Saturday.

I always tell people that the Georgia game matters more to me than the Bama game. I live in Georgia, and losing that game affects me much more directly than losing the Alabama game. That said, when kickoff time comes, you remember all the reasons that you hate Alabama and their dumbass haircuts and their detergent and toilet paper and their houndstooth hats and their “Bear this” and “Bear that,” and everything else that goes along with it. This isn’t a football game, and it’s not two drunken cousins fighting at a family reunion. This is brother against brother after one slept with the other’s wife and then bragged about it. It’s THAT serious.

However, when it’s all said and done, I just don’t think Alabama has the horses to stand up to what I believe is going to be enormous defensive pressure. If Auburn takes care of the ball and executes, this game shouldn’t be as close as some think.

My call:

Auburn 37

Alabama 13

Now pass the Tums. I don’t feel so well…

War Eagle!!

Bob Stoops is the supposed genius and former Steve Spurrier disciple that is the head coach for the number two ranked Oklahoma Sooners.

Bob Stoops has everything going for him: an undefeated record, a ridiculously easy schedule, and voters who clearly are demonstrating an anti-Auburn bias. So what does he do now that Auburn has closed the gap a little?

He blames ESPN, stating that because they have a contract with the SEC, the network has a vested interest in the Tigers making the Orange Bowl.

Hey Bob. You may not have noticed this, since you clearly have your head shoved very far up your own ass, but ESPN is owned by Disney, and they also own ABC. You’re familiar with ABC…right? You know, the network with a contract with YOUR conference, the BCS AND THE FUCKING ORANGE BOWL???

I can’t believe that if this clown had just kept his yap shut, he’d have probably gotten into the Orange Bowl on his own. Now, he’s attracting even more attention to Auburn by voters who may not have given the Tigers a real look.

So now, Auburn goes into it’s final game of the regular season against it’s in-state rival, knowing that if it wins, it will gain even more votes on the Sooners.

Not so fast though. Remember, Oklahoma still has to play mighty Baylor and then play the winner of the Big Twelve’s Northern division. That team will have either four or five losses, many of those losses to BAD schools. And NONE of this is going to help Oklahoma’s cause very much.

So you see, it’s not about Auburn vs. Oklahoma or anything else. This week is all about Auburn vs. Alabama. Period. I fully believe that if the Tigers take care of their own business, the rest of the stuff will fall into place.

And if Auburn wins out and moves to number two in the polls thanks to two coaches in the northeast who didn’t give a shit until Stoops started running his pie hole about all of life’s inequities, then I will be happy.

War Eagle everybody.

p.s. Look for my Auburn - Alabama preview either today or tomorrow…