Functionally ReTodded

This morning, on the way to work, I started thinking about how great last night’s game was. I imagined how great witnessing it in person would have been. Of course, I couldn’t have watched in person. I would have thrown up several times before that game finally ended. And as for games four, five and six? Forget it. I would have been hospitalized for sure.

Then I thought, regardless of whether I was there or not, what were the ten greatest sporting events of my lifetime that I have seen all or part of with my own eyes.

So as of today, in no particular order, are those top ten events. Keep in mind that before I am done with this list, I may very well put them in some sort of order, but I will tell so you aren’t caught off guard.

December 2, 1989 - Auburn vs. Alabama

It was my fourth year (sort of) at Auburn. For the first time ever, the Iron Bowl was to be played at Jordan-Hare Stadium. Alabama came into Auburn that day 10-0 and number 2 in the country. What they left with was a 10-1 record, a 30-20 beating that wasn’t that close, an earful of “War Eagle!!” and second place in the SEC. I can say that, without question, this was the loudest sporting event I have ever attended.

October 1991 - Braves vs. Twins, World Series Game 3

This was my first ever World Series game and only my second ever baseball post-season game. Going to that game with my dad and us both being from Minnesota but both being Braves fans forver was great. I remember how moved I was during the National Anthem, and then the Braves, trailing 2-0 in the series at that time, got a single and a stolen base by David Justice, who was then singled in by Mark Lemke, the Series MVP. Braves win 5-4 and make it a series.

October 1991 - Braves vs. Twins, World Series Game 5

After winning game 4 by a score of 3-2, the Braves were tied, but momentum had swung our way. Justice, Lonnie Smith and Brian Hunter all homered in the 14-5 shelacking of the Twins, and everyone in the stadium knew…just KNEW, that the Braves were going to win the Series. Little did we know what lay in front of us.

October 1992 - Braves vs. Pirates, NLCS Game 7

Nearly indescribable, despite having been on ESPN Classic every month since the channel’s existence. We were sitting atop the Pirate dugout down the third base line, and I just remember absolutely hammering on Stan Belinda.

I also remember that this was the first sporting event where my negativity-driven nausea reared its ugly head. Down 2-0 in the ninth inning, I wanted to sit down, throw up and leave in that order. My wife, however, had faith and insisted that we stay.

The ninth started, and it was all a blur. One great break after another. Yet I remember it like it was yesterday. Pendleton’s double to start it off, then Justice reached on an error by Jose Lind, then a walk to Sid Bream. Gant then faced Belinda and drove a ball to the track that was four feet short of a walk off Game 7 Grand Slam. Pendleton scored to make it 2-1 Braves with one out.

I will never forget McCarver (that annoying asshole) saying “the fans are cheering like something good happened, but something bad happened for Atlanta. By flying out to left, the runners could not advance as they could if the ball’d been hit to center or right. So while a run scored, the tying run is still two bases away.”

Just a little note here: Fuck you, Tim McCarver.

Then Damon Berryhill walked to load the bases again and Brian Hunter popped out.

Then, the PA announcer said “Now batting for the Braves, Francisco Cabrerra.”

What?? Who?? What did that guy just say? He’s only got ten at bats all year, and with two out in the ninth, bases loaded, THAT’S ALL YOU CAN GIVE US?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Then, Cabrerra hit a laser of a foul ball that landed in the seat in front of us. I figured “hey, at least we were on TV,” and then BAM!!! He smoked a fastball into left field.

I can’t accurately describe the sensations from that point forward. There was an instant cheer because everyone knew that Justice was scoring to tie, but as Bonds came up with the ball and Bream rounded third, the cheering tempered a bit, as though everyone was taking a breath at the same time in anticipation of the play at the plate.

The throw…the catch…the runner…the tag….SAFE!!!

And with that a single sound erupted that to this day, INCLUDING game 5 of the year the Braves won it all, was still the loudest sound ever generated by a baseball game. I hugged strangers and high fived everyone. We just stood and cheered until the music stopped playing, the teams were gone, and most every just didn’t know what to do or where to go. We were all one with that amazing moment.

October 1995 - Braves vs. Indians, World Series Game 6

I had grown a bit spoiled after attending most of the Braves’ post-season home games, but this was a first. A home game to win the title. Glavine on the mound and David Justice on the front page of the paper imploring the Atlanta fans to cheer and care more.

Glavine pitched an unbelievable game. As a matter of fact, he pitched a one-hitter thru eight innings. David Justice strode to the plate to quite a few boos, only to jerk a pitch into the right field seats. Talk about backing up your mouth with your bat.

In the ninth, the Braves brought out Mark Wohlers for a perfect ninth, capped by a fly ball to left center that was fielded by Marquis Grissom. Braves win!! Braves win!!

There is nothing like seeing your first World Championship in person.

October 20, 2004 - Red Sox vs. Yankees, ALCS Game 7

This is the capper of the greatest series, in my opinion, in the history of major league baseball. The Yankees tore thru the first three games to lead 3-0 in the series, and had the winning run on second in game four, and somehow lost that game. They were then treated to two game-winning hits in a row by David Ortiz. Then came game seven, in the Bronx, and the Red Sox took the Yankees behind the woodshed and beat 80 years of frustration out of them or into them or whatever you want to call it.

The Yankees got to watch the Sox celebrate at Yankee Stadium. No more stepchild jokes. No more curse. The curse now lives in the house that George owns. Enjoy it, you arrogant jerks.

February 15, 1998 - The 1998 Daytona 500

On his 20th try, Dale Earnhardt won the Daytona 500. All of the history of failures and frustrations in NASCAR’s SuperBowl were washed away in an instant. The sport’s greatest driver won the sport’s biggest race. Finally!! And then, as he drove down pit road, every member of every team waited to shake his hand or offer a high five in honor of that. His former crew chief Andy Petree ran to jump on Senior’s hood and congratulate him the best he could from outside the car. Senior then drove on to the grass and made a number 3 whilst spinning his car around. Everybody in the sport was as happy as they could be.

November 20th, 1993 - Alabama vs. Auburn

Stan White had led the on-probation Tigers to a 10-0 record entering the game. Fans not following the team in person that season were forced to listen on the radio like in the 50’s since the punishments handed down by the NCAA included no television appearances.

Bama led 14-5 at the half, and in the second half they knocked Stan White out of the game. His backup, baby-faced Patrick Nix came in to the game facing a fouth and fifteen from Bama’s 35 yard line. He threw a strike to Frank Sanders for a touchdown. Auburn would com back to win 22-14 to finish 11-0 for only the third time in their history.

I watched, no listened on the radio to this game in my den. Like people did in the old days, I hovered mere inches from the old transistor, not believing what I was hearing. I still remember jumping around cheering then remembering “Shit…I’m home by myself.”

March 16, 2003 - Darlington, SC for the Carolina Dodge Dealers 400

Ricky Creven and Kurt Busch beat and banged and roughed each other up over the greatest two laps of racing I have ever seen. The two cars were all but locked together at the flag with Craven winning by a scant .002 seconds, and then they both pretty much wrecked in turn one. A great for one of the sport’s genuinely good guys.

I was in the car (we were looking at houses that day) and I couldn’t believe how exciting a car race could be from in the car.

March 11, 2001 - The Cracker Barrell 500

The spring Atlanta race marked the third event since the death of Dale Earnhardt in the Daytona 500, and his replacement, Kevin Harvick, had finished 14th at Rockingham and 8th at Las Vegas as the team sort of wandered thru the first few events. Everyone in the sport was still saddened and in pain over Earnhardt’s passing, and no one really knew what to do other than to keep moving forward together.

Then, with about 10 laps to go in the race, it became obvious that there were five guys with a chance to win: Jeff Gordon, Jerry Nadeau, Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Dale Jarrett and Kevin Harvick.

With five laps to go, Harvick made a bold move to pass two cars between them exiting turn four and raced to the lead. On the last lap, Harvick held Gordon off with a ballsy move, pinning Gordon to the bottom of the track. Harvick won by .006 seconds.

I remember jumping up and down cheering the 29 car thru those last 10 laps in my loft, and I remember the image of Danny “Chocolate” Meyers crying and not knowing what to do after Kevin had won. I remember looking at Richard Childress’ face hoping he would see better days. A race team that had lost so much and needed so badly for something good to happen to them got just that. A brief moment of happiness in a season of sadness in one of the closest races the sport had ever seen.

This ended up in no particular order and may change as the seasons move forward, but that’s them for now as best as I can tell.

Now if you all will excuse me, it’s time to eat some Chick-Fil-A waffle fries.