Reason to be against the death penalty

I’m sure most of you know by now that I am a Libertarian.  I have also been outspoken on my support of the death penalty.  However, events that occurred this morning may have me second guessing that belief.

Today started like any other day during my unemployment-palooza tour.  Got to bed at a decent hour, two of three children awoke with issues during the night, got up at the crack of snot, saw the eldest off to school and returned for a day filled with “QUIT RUNNING STOP YELLING I SAID QUIT RUNNING YES SKIPPING IS RUNNING DO NOT YELL GET OUT OF THE CLOSET DON’T PLAY IN THE BATHROOM UNLOCK THE BASEMENT DOOR I SAID STOP RUNNING!!!”

About 30 minutes ago, Thing Two (the child whom I’ve said for a long time will literally be directly involved in my demise) walked up to my wife and said Thing Three had bitter her.

She then came and repeated the complaint, saying that Thing Three had bitten her and then she proceeded to show me the teethmarks on her arm.

Now, we have had an issue over the last month or so with Thing Three biting Thing Two.  We’ve tried a variety of different responses, but we have found that, much like a puppy, if we put a little bite on his arm (or more realistically press his arm to my teeth), he receives the negative reinforcement for that behavior immediately.  We have seen a great decrease in teeth-related offenses since then.

So I look at the teeth marks on her arm, walk briskly into the den and ask him “Thing Three, did you bite Thing Two?”

Silence.

So I pick up his forearm and press it firmly to my upper teeth.

Wait about two beats and he starts crying.

But then something happens that I never expected.  His tears aren’t out of anger for me having bitten his arm.  He looked at me directly, tears flowing, snot beginning to run and he said “I didn’t bite my sister.”

Oh shit.

I pause for a second, making eye contact with my wife.  Then I turned to look back into the office where Thing Two was sitting.  Staring.  Blankly.

I walked slowly into the office and asked sternly “Did you bite yourself on the arm?”

Silence.

I repeated my question.

Silence again.  Eyes steady but her breathing quickly accelerating.

I asked a third time.  Slowly.  Firmly.  Then demanded “Tell me the truth.  Did.  You.  Bite.  Yourself?”

She sat there, not blinking, obviously processing the situation.

Her response was shocking:

“You aren’t going to bite me…are you?”

I ignored her with my face and tone, but my brain was freaking out.

“Tell.  Me.  The.  Truth.  Did.  You.  Bite.  Yourself?”

Tears start to fall and a little sobbing comes out as she nods, then says “Yes.  I bit myself.”

Now, this is a 4 year old we’re talking about here.  One with the wherewithal not only to blame someone else for her actions (which any kid can do), but also to premeditate the entire charade, knowing full well that the immediate result will be that her little brother will receive the parental response that he did.  Pain and negative reinforcement.

I rushed back to comfort my son and apologized and told him how much I loved him and how bad I felt for what had happened and what I had done.

I then sent Thing Two to the chair in the front room where there is nothing to look at but a blank TV screen.

After a few minutes, my wife called me in and said “So what are we going to do?  We have to DO something.”

“I know,” I replied.  “But I don’t even know where to begin.  No playing today, no Nintendo DS…” and then my voice trailed off.

What the fuck do we do with this?  That has to border on sociopathic behavior.  She premeditating the entire thing and was able to sit without making a sound as I bit her brother and caused him harm due directly to her actions and the decisions she made.

Is this what Jeffrey Dahmer’s parents felt like?

When enough is enough and yet isn’t

Last week our President decided to weigh in on the mosque that is proposed to be built near Ground Zero in NYC.

He said he was in favor of the mosque being built.

A couple of days later (after receiving unfavorable polling results I assume), he spoke on the subject again and said that it was legal for the mosque to be built and that he wasn’t speaking on whether it was right.

My first objection is that he said anything at all. Just because someone us the president doesn’t mean that they have to weigh in on everything (Snookie, Lindsay Lohan, etc).

My second problem with his comments is that I don’t think one person is arguing with the fact that the mosque can be built legally as far as zoning and real estate law are concerned.

The issue is that it’s a question of tact and our country taking on the role of “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

Many people preach that our nation is a nation of tolerance and then spew on about the fact that we are a melting pot.

But we are NOT a melting pot as a nation anymore.

What the United States has become is the global subway system but not everyone pays the fare. Lots of folks jump the turnstile but still use the service, where in the old days we were the bus where every rider paid and THEN got on and headed for their destination.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against immigration. I am against illegal immigration. It’s right there in the name despite efforts to refer to the folks that do it as “undocumented workers.” That’s meant to distract us from the truth.

If I drive without insurance, instead of being fined and/or jailed, can I just call myself an undocumented driver?

Of course not.

The other really important difference between the past and now is that, in the past, that meant that the incoming parties assimilated themselves into our culture and our society.

Now, there is no assimilation. By and large the new version is isolationism. Work illegally, pay no taxes, get free education and health care and other services but send the money home.

and forget tolerance from anyone BUT Americans. Film makers no longer write Arabs or “Palestinians” as bad guys, lest folks get their panties wadded up about stereotypes and profiling, yet we can use Nazis and Americans and any other group.

Further, we cannot joke or make fun of or criticize Moslems or, God forbid, draw satirical comics about them. Anyone else? Sure. But don’t upset the Muslims. Even though they burn our flag, our presidents I effigy and the bodies of our dead servicemen.

And that takes me back to the reason for this post and the Ground Zero mosque.

Of course the folks interested in building the mosque have the right to build it. I have the right to do Many things that would offend those around me. But I choose not to out of tact and good taste.

Why can’t this group say “You know what? I understand that even though we peaceful Muslims had nothing to do with 9/11, it would still be in poor taste to build a house of worship in the shadow of that site where folks worship the God I’m whose name the terrorists committed those horrid and unforgivable acts. We’ll find another site that suits our needs and and doesn’t put unnecessary strains on our relationship with the community.”

Why is that so hard to understand?

Because that’s not what the “offended” really want.

They want to push and push and take and take, and it will never be enough.

Someone very educated regarding the trouble in the Middle East told me a story once regarding the Palestinian statements that if Israel gave the their land back, they’d just leave the Jews alone.

He said that compared to the Muslim inhabited land, Israel is but a matchbook in the middle of a football field.

I’m getting close to done with our nation, it’s leaders (and other nations) using the “turn the other cheek” approach to illegal aliens AND terrorists and extremists.

In the 1900′s, this nation needed people to come here and build a society and a culture and a populous. We don’t need immigration for that reason anymore.

It’s time for us as a nation to stand up and let folks know the difference between your right to do something and the necessity of that something.

It’s also time for us as a nation to be offended and stop being so tolerant of those that live among us yet criticize us, our nation and our way of life at every turn.

Tags: Editorial, News, Politics

In the spirit of giving

I meant to share this a couple of weeks ago. It’s from one of the Westboro Baptist Church’s protests against gays and in favor of the death of US Soldiers.

I don’t think I’ve loved a picture more that wasn’t of my wife and kids.

Enjoy everybody.

Tags: humor

Hey! Look at me!!

Yep. That’s right. I am submitting this from my iPhone.

No, this isn’t going to win a Pulitzer prize, but at least now I can not win a Pulitzer prize while taking a poop.

High five.

Begin The Begin

If I ever get motivated again, someone please kick me in the nuts.

Yesterday I made a few technology related decisions. I decided to:

Consolidate and organize my data (i.e. all my Word and Excel files) to one computer in one structure. I know this sounds obvious, but that’s me.

Install Docs To Go on my iPhone. That way I can sync said organized files (including resumes, reference lists, cover letters) between my pc and my iPhone. This makes responding to job calls and the like WAY easier.

Find an app that allows me to blog from my iPhone.

This not writing for nearly a year thing has been pissing me off, so I figured if I could do it on my iPhone while watching kids run around the yard (parenting), drinking beer, watching The Jersey Shore, sitting in parent/teacher conferences, waiting at traffic lights, taking a crap, etc., I might get back into the habit of writing.

I accomplished the first two, then found a WordPress app for my iPhone. When I tried to login to my blog, it said I needed to update the version of WordPress I was using.

Being the good little (big) IT nerdork, I backed up my blog. Twice. Then I followed the upgrade instructions.

Logged into my blog, and found that:

The design was gone.
The layout was gone.
(and most disturbing) The entirety of 7 years of writing (over a thousand entries) was gone.

Now I have the data from several backups that I should be able to recover at some point.

But I’m not sure it’s worth the calorie burn. I mean, I’d like the archives eventually, but for now it almost feels like a clean slate where I can make design and content changes that I was hesitant to make in the old days.

So here I sit.

Today I will be making a few more updates, testing iPhone posting, and then we’ll see where we are.

Hugs blogosphere. Hopefully we won’t be strangers.

Sincerely,
Functionally ReTodded

The new funniest thing on the internet

I swear to you, this is it. Most of the time this stuff doesn’t amuse me, but this little cartoon is different.

Enjoy everybody.

A peek thru a keyhole into the world of internet hosting

So, for the umpteenth time since we made the cataclysmic decision to sign up with stargate dot com, we’re having HUGE problems getting my blog moved there. It seems that their one of the few hosts that don’t have a cPanel that’s worth a shit, making the process very tedious and time consuming.

The person doing my design and move has been VERY patient, but we are close to the point where I just say “FUCK IT!” and move it all to Bluehost dot com. I am sick and tired of being ignored at stargate.

Like today. I called support and everyone’s busy. So I try their “Insta-chat” support feature and am told that it’s for sales only, and to call support, who it turn are all busy. So I then open a ticket at livechat’s advice and am told that someone will be with me momentarily.

Five hours later, and the ticket doesn’t even show up yet. Hell, the support guy I was getting chat-transferred to dumped the connection, so I’m no further than I was four days ago, except my money’s getting spent on a developer and my host is fucking the whole thing up times ten.

For the record, my consultanty person has been uber-professional and understanding and committed, but I question how long she’ll put up with this shit.

You better get it together stargate dot com. There are about five gozillion hosts out there that would be more than willing to simply not suck at what they do.

Update:

Fuck Stargate dot com. Fuck them Fuck them Fuck them.

After dragging their dicks in the dirt for nearly 8 days, I made the now very easy decision to move to bluehost dot com. And do you know what? They offer a free domain with a transfer, the transfers were ten bucks a piece, I got my new domain immediately, and lo and behold, my developer person has already uploaded a lot of the template to the new site, www.tmlsb.com!

Now tell me how a hosting company stays in business when they don’t answer support requests at all, they don’t take support calls and it’s impossible to get sites up and running? Oh, and they charge 6.50 a month more for less stuff than bluehost dot com.

Oh, and if you by chance do have any trouble with bluehost.com, do you know what you do? YOU CALL THE 800 NUMBER PLASTERED ALL OVER THE FRONT PAGE OF THEIR WEBSITE!!!

Stargate? Why, you had to drill thru a number of windows before finding a toll number that did nothing more than do a loop transfer to a voicemail or back to the receptionist.

Thanks Bluehost and Fuck off and Die Stargate!!

another little teaser

Here’s the second of the two banners you will have to choose from when visiting my new blog, located at: http://www.tmlsb.com

A little teaser

This is one of the two banners you’ll be able to choose from at my new and improved site: http://www.tmlsb.com

This should surprise no one…

But I’ve lifted yet another idea from another blogger. With the exception of some homo-erotic brokeback videos I’ve posted recently, this seems to be all I can do lately.

Anyway, here’s the quiz. Sure, it’s kind of like those “100 things” or “five things” or whatever quizes, but hey, if you’re still here reading this crap, then you’re obviously interested.

Oh, and if you’re still reading this Mrs. Weber, thanks for all of your hard work and I look forward to seeing you and Mr. Weber in September.

A If you were an ANIMAL, what would you be? I would be a Labrador Retriever. Or possibly a Hawk.

B BOOKS: What’s on your reading list? I am curretly reading Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz and a true crime story called “Cop” by a 21 year LAPD veteran.

C COMPULSIVE about anything? I am compulsive about being on time, my daughters obeying their parents and weighing 199 pounds. The last one’s not yet been re-attained.

D DREAMS – Do you … dream in color? remember your dreams? keep a dream journal? I dream in color. I do remember some dreams but not all the time. And the only dream journal I would ever keep is if I wrote about them here.

E EATING – what’s your usual snack? My usual snack is either a Kashi bar (the greatest snack bar ever) or a mustard and swiss sandwhich.

F A Few of your FAVORITE Things: Taking pictures, cooking on my Big Green Eggs, pitching horseshoes, sitting next to my wife in bed while we both goof around on our laptops, having an early afternoon beer with friends at the beach, someday sleeping thru the night again.

G GIGGLES! What (or who) makes you laugh? Do you have a good sense of humor? I think I have a great sense of humor. My wife is, without question, the funniest person I know. My neighbor Stephen is the funniest son of a bitch I think I’ve ever met in person. Ever.

H major HOT Button: I fucking hate rude or blatantly inattentive drivers.

I I am fiercely protective of my friends and family.

K Also KNOWN As… Aliases? Screen names? A non de plume perhaps? Well, I wrote NASCAR columns around teh internets under the name Mark Backer for a few years. And my BGE screen name is Dos Huevos (Spanish for Two Eggs).

L I LOVE …My wife. More than anyone or anything on the planet.

M How do you feel about MEETING people? Do it all the time? Rarely? Parties or 1-on-1? I enjoy meeting people and do it often. I am horrific with names though. I’ve got neighbors that, I swear to God, it took me TWO YEARS to remember their names. Most folks that know me know that though, and I’m often mocked for it.

N What’s the story of your NAME? were you named after anyone? Do you go by a nickname? Any aliases? To the best of my knowledge, my name has no story. I’m not named after anyone that I know of. I only know that one time my dad looked me in the face and said “If you need any proof that I love you, know that I didn’t name you Floyd Jr.” I thought that was pretty cool of him.

O OBSERVANT – What’s around you right now? What do you see? A mess. My desk is always always always a mess. My wife has seizures when she visits my office. If we have “visitors” coming to the office, my desk warrants a special visit from the President to remind me to tidy up a bit.

Q Any Little QUIRKs About Yourself: I know the zip codes of the entire metro Atlanta area. I once had the theme from Indiana Jones and the song Rockytop in my head for over two years. Anytime a tune came out either by whistling or humming, it was one of those two.

R What do you like to do for RECREATION? Throw horseshoes, take pictures, go to the lake, play the mailbox game that I invented (along with my nephew and BIL).

S Do You SING in the Shower? In the car? For your friends? I never sing in the shower. My wife would stab me in the neck with a diffuser if I did that. I do sing LOUDLY in the car, and I also sing while mowing the lawn and working out. Those last two are covered up with my iPod, so the only folks that can hear me are the folks around me.

T What’s at the Top of your TO DO list?: Figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

U Any UNUSUAL Experiences: I had cardiac bypass surgery out of nowhere at age 37 just last November after being told by half a dozen doctors I was lucky to not have dropped dead of a heart attack in the previous six months.

V VEGAS,Vienna,Venice,Vladivostok… How far have you traveled? What’s your favorite City? I’ve been to Cancun, california, the midwest, the Bahamas and Jamaica. Nothing truly far away. My favorite cities are Hilton Head, SC and Boston, MA.

W WINTER, Spring, Summer, Fall… What’s your favorite season? My favorite season, without question, is Fall. Both for weather and sports.

X EXes – Things You Don’t Do Anymore (but did, once (would you, again?)) Eat absolutely shitty foods in enormous quantities whenever I felt like it. If there were no health risks or drawbacks, I’d do that again in a second.

Y Any secret/deep YEARNINGS? A son. And to win the lottery. But that last one isn’t secret.

Z ZERO to ZENITH – Where are you in your life? Still growing? On an upward (or downward) curve? Just skating along? Right now I’m just sort of skating along. Since my surgery I don’t take my career as seriously as I used to. Meaning I don’t sweat the little stuff at work. My family and being alive matter more than anything else. Period. Everything else is window dressing.